Really?? Re: Gifts

Lyss5782

Based on the engagement party thread below...do many of you think its NOT a gift-giving occassion?  I would always bring a gift to any party unless the invite specifically said "no gifts."Just curious...I guess people don't feel the same way?  (Gifts to any party, not just engagement...)

AlexiaANDRobert

I don't bring a "present" but I bring a bottle of wine or dessert or something like that. But that's how it is in my circle.

tlv204

I've only been to one engagement party, and I would say about 1/3 of the guests brought small gifts.  We didn't have an actual engagement party, FIL just took the immediate families out for dinner, and no gifts (other than the dinner) were given. I'd feel weird without at least bringing a bottle of wine or something, but agree that it's odd to give the couple a bottle of wine instead of the host, since half the time the wine gets drunk (drank? I should know this) at the party.  I don't know, I need to go to more engagement parties

Lyss5782

right...i mean, i wouldnt wrap it or anything but even invited to a BBQ i would bring SOMETHING (wine, whatever)

angiebear11

No, like I said the thread below where I'm from E-Parties ARE gift-giving events.  I would never go to an E-Party without a gift. We (FI and I) just had our E-Party this past weekend and everyone who attended gave us a gift.

betrothed123

Like PP, we will bring a bottle of wine or something to a party, but not usually a big gift.Also, people in my group don't have e-parties.  I'd never heard of one until I came to the knot.

aMrsin09

I always bring a bottle of wine or some other Hostess Gift.  If it's a b'day party or something like that I bring a bottle of the celebrants fav.  For an engagement party, I'd bring a gift.

Lyss5782

i kind of meant parties in general...i cant think of any type of party i would say is "not a gift-giving occassion"

AlexiaANDRobert

Actually for BBQs we bring beer and plastic cups and ping-pong balls.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

I always bring something to a party (wine, beer, whatever) but it's stuff like that. I don't consider those things gifts.My circle doesn't really gift gifts unless it's a big occassion (birth of a child and wedding, primarily). There's too many of us and we've just agreed to celebrate together and that's all we really want. I think there are enough parties surrounding weddings that people shouldn't be expected to give gifts at all of them. It's turning into a thing where every pre-wedding event is a gift giving occassion. Sorry, but almost no one's wedding deserves 4 or 5 gifts (engagement party, multiple showers, bachelorette, wedding).

Lyss5782

Alexia, we must be soooo much classier than you!!!  (JK I have a stash in my kitchen cabinet for just that reason!)

~mRm~

Never been to one, didn't have one. I have no idea.

tlv204

Ok but I wouldn't consider a dessert or wine a gift really.  Normally bbqs aren't "gift giving" because you don't go there with a new electronic device for the host, you just bring food.  That's not a gift, it's just adding to the party.  I'd never go without food or something either, but I certainly don't give actual gifts at every party I go to.

Nebb

IMO an enegagement party is a gift giving occasion, which is why I hate it when people have an e-party, a shower, a jack and jill and then the wedding. All gift giving/money grubbing events.

Lyss5782

Vogt---I agree there are too many "parties" surrounding weddings...which is why I kind of look at engagement parties as a gift-grabby event (unless, of course, the invite specifies no gifts).

mandysmear

I've never been to an engagement party.  But, when a couple gets engaged or married I give them a card.  Whether I am close enough to get an invitation to their wedding or not.

angiebear11

i kind of meant parties in general...i cant think of any type of party i would say is "not a gift-giving occassion" Yes, I was always taught that if you're going over to someone's house you should always ring the door-bell with your elbow.In other words, never come empty handed.

Lyss5782

angie...me too...just curious, where did you grow up? 

mandysmear

Ditto Nebb.  Enough already with the gift parties. 

salt78

We had an engagement party. Some people bought gifts and some didn't. If I were to go to one, I'd take a bottle of wine or a card, but it's not like it's a requirement. FI and I are the only ones of our friends that actually have had one, but my mother threw it and apparently it's tradition in my family.

[Deleted User]

I think gift giving at e-parties is regional or even varies in groups of people. I know Thesun said they don't get showers so everyone gives gifts at e-parties. In my circle it's not a gift giving event. I would give a bottle of wine and a hostess gift.

Calypso1977

i may bring something for the hostess, as i do that anyway when i go to someone's home.  however, eparties are not gift giving events.  any gifts taht are brought for the couple should NEVER be opened at the party.

angiebear11

Lyss, Long Island.

Lyss5782

ha!  I figured...me too!  

tenofcups4me

In my crowd, an enagement party IS a gift-giving occasion and has been for at least the last 25 years. I'm pretty sure it was when my parents got married in the early '60s too, but not positive. Engagement gifts are from the registry and typically are china, good flatware, crystal or some of the other "keepsake" type gifts. Shower gifts are similar, although once the main things are done, they're expanded to include linens, pots and pans, things like that. Wedding gifts are cash. FWIW, in my crowd, we give the same type of engagement gift whether there's a party or not.

sarah0725

I agree with those who said that there's too much emphasis on gifts surrounding weddings. A wedding gift and a shower gift, okay, but other than that, people get nuts around weddings. One of my friends lives and is getting married on Long Island, and she has been getting all kinds of crazy gifts. Somebody even gave her a dishware set, and she's only been engaged for a month or so. It all gets too crazy.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Yeah, I'm with Mandy. I always send a card for engagements and weddings, even if I'm not invited. If I hear about it, I generally want to wish the couple well.I've never been to an e-party, but one of my BMs went to one last weekend. She said it was just like a normal party that happened to be celebrating an engagement. No one did gifts or even mentioned anything wedding related.

mandysmear

Well obviously, when I go to a party I bring wine or food.  Or for example friends of mine had a BBQ because they had a baby.  I brought a gift.  But, if I am going to your e-party I can pretty much assume I'll be invited to your wedding and shower.  So, you're already getting two gifts out of me.  Plus I will buy you drinks if I go to your b-party.  Enough with the gifts already.  You're getting married, you're not the most special person in the world.

angiebear11

Oh, where in LI?

tlv204

Tenof--Dude if my friends did it your way, I'd be broke before the shower!! That is insane!The only engagement gift I've ever given was $4.  It was this cute little wine bottle holder that you screwed into the grass so you could take your alcoholism outdoors.  They loved it. And again, I really don't consider wine or food GIFTS.  That's just a polite thing to do, and not really a gift since it usually gets consumed there.

mandybear7

Our friends hosted an engagement party at a bar. She told people specifically not to bring gifts, yet about 1/3 of the people still brought us gifts (mostly restaurant gift cards and wine). It was unexpected, but we just sent thank you cards and that was that. I guess those people, even though they were told otherwise, felt it was a gift-giving occassion.