Wedding Etiquette Forum

I still don't get it.

Can someone who is OK with it please explain "second weddings" to me one more time?  I understand needing to get married soon for a myriad of reasons, but IMO you have to make that choice.  You either get married now to solve all of the practical issues, or wait and deal with the problems while you plan a bigger wedding.  I do not understand the need to do both.  People have to make difficult choices like this all the time.  Can someone maybe explain it to me in a different way?  I've never in my (real) life heard of anyone doing this, and I know at least 4 people who have married into the military and 1 person who had visa issues to deal with.  They all chose one or the other, not both.  I really honestly don't get it.
Leo says hi. He's...special.
image
Married
Planning
«1

Re: I still don't get it.

  • I just think it stems from the 'it's MY day and I can do whatever the hell I want' mentality.  Including having multiple 'days."  It's stupid.
    image
    two years!
    after two losses, now happily expecting baby #1 09.16.12
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Brie Fit Blog | BFP Chart
  • I don't get wanting to name your child Vancouver or Toronto. 

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
    image
    image
    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
  • I mean yeah Mandy I don't get that either.  I do, however, completely understand naming your child Germajesty, if you're a Jackson.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
    image
    Married
    Planning
  • I can't explain it to you, because I don't get it either, for all the reasons you explained.  I'll be interested in the answers, though.
    Kailyn Jean Born August 6, 2011 (3w6d early) imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Planning Bio
  • I don't get why people think it's okay to plan their own showers. 

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
    image
    image
    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
  • There was a girl on my local recently who wanted to have her "small and intimate" wedding of 200 people, go on a honeymoon, and THEN have the reception.  WTF?She did not like it when I disagreed with her.
  • We eloped. We had reasons to, and we did it. Our families were excited but our mom's still wanted to see us go through the motions of a "wedding". So we're having a vow renewal, that we're paying for ourselves. Because our moms wanted it.

  • I was to a vow renewal a few weeks ago. But it was pretty much a wedding. They did a ceremony where they read their own vows to each other and had a big reception afterward. We brought them a wedding fit and all. The had a jop before we went to Iraq last year. It was a good time and everyone was happy for them. I know a lot of people don't approve of this srt of thing, but personally I fell like it's not hurting you so why get so upset about it? If your invitd to one and you don't approve just don't go. JMO
  • fit=gift, typing fail
  • I don't care about second weddings of what people name their kids unless it is something like Hitler or Katrina.
    image
  • I don't think i'd have reason to do it personally, but I CAN kind of see why a girl would want to have her wedding day. I want my wedding day, after all. Yes, any day you marry your FI is wedding day. But the things I am looking forward to at my wedding are not ALL about my FI. I am looking forward to all my friends and family being together in one place. I am looking forward to having my sisters and best friends spending the weekend together and getting ready together. I am looking forward to eating a yummy meal, dancing with everyone, and having a really fun party! I could probably live without a big poofy dress though : ) I think it really depends on the circumstance and how they are doing the 2nd wedding. I think a re-do of the ceremony is silly, but I don't see a problem with having a reception later if you have to have a courthouse wedding for whatever reason. Many women dream of their wedding day and many of those dreams don't include a courthouse. If thats the way life works out, I don't see why you should have to give up something you always wanted if you can still have it later. But I know i'm in the minority here. I think its my "to each his own" approach to most things, really, that makes me ok with it. If it makes them happy to do it this way, who is it harming?
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • Why Katrina?

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
    image
    image
    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
  • My friend's brother got married in Japan.  He's in the military and his wife is Japanese.  Her family would have been unable to travel to the US for a wedding, so they had the ceremony and their traditional celebration there.  Then a year later the couple traveled to the US where the groom's family held a HUGE party with tons of food, DJ, open bar, the whole works.  It was awesome.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Yeah I can understand families being hurt that they didn't get to witness a wedding.  I don't know it's just such a foreign concept to me, it's hard for me to understand.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
    image
    Married
    Planning
  • I guess its just not a need, its a want.  Personally, I have no issue with it. My BFF chose to elope early for immigration reasons.  She was happy, and still is happy, to provide this opportunity for her husband.  However, in hindsight she is really sad and dissappointed that she missed out on having a real wedding (and she doesn't even want a big one, just one with family and close friends)  She feels like she can't have one.  I feel like she can.  I know someone will say that she is should just be happy with her husband-she is, she's just sad about what she missed. I can see how it could be viewed as wanting to prolong "your day" etc.  But, I feel that life is not cut and dry and though try as we might to conform with etiquette and to please others, sometimes doing things out of the norm is good for people.  I also don't think everyone has to agree with it.So i guess thats why I think they are okay.  I mean if someone wants to have 2 huge weddings a few months a part, this would be a different situation.
  • I don't get it either.  I would love to have an excuse to get out of "MY day."  If I got to elope, I'd be the happiest girl alive and would never ever try to re-create a big wedding. 
  • Katrina in the deep South now= Hurricane Katrina, I mean after that event why would you name someone this if you are in this area? It is odd.
    image
  • It's a bi-product of the"Me, me, me" society we live in these days.I also have friends and family who didn't get marred in their ideal way because of miitary and visa issues.  They all founda way to reach a compromise that worked for them, without throwing 5,000,000 partes to celebrate them.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • I think a lot of the time it comes from pressure from family and/or friends more than the couple being AWs.  So for instance, if a couple needs to get married right away and would prefer a private ceremony, but not inviting all sixty-three second cousins and their kids will start a major family feud, they have a second event at a later date when they can afford to invite everyone as a compromise.  I don't get doing a second ceremony, though, unless there's a fairly significant time gap and it's more of a vow renewal.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • That's what I was thinking, but wasn't sure. 

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
    image
    image
    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
  • For me there is a religious aspect. Signing a piece of paper, to me, is just signing a piece of paper that the state cares about. To be actually married, you need to go through the religious motions as well. But that only works if you are religious.
    My Grandparents on their wedding day.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    bio
    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • I dont get the issues with parties.  My world is full of alot of stress, alot of tired days, alot of days I wish I could hang with my friends and family but cannot make it the top of my priority list.Personally, I welcome any excuse to celebrate, relax, and spend time with those I care about.  Even if it is my 3rd cousins third wedding reception.  If someone wants to throw the party, why would I be offended to be invited?
  • Second weddings don't bother me and never have. If it works for the couple and their friends/family don't mind, then I don't see a problem with it.
    image
  • I kinda view any wedding as two separate events, the legal one and the religious/spiritual/family/friends event.  Most people take care of all of it at the same time.  But sometimes you need the legal documents done earlier than a spiritual/family wedding can be put together, for whatever reason.I don't agree with keeping it all a secret and making everyone think you aren't already legally married so you can have your pretty princess day.  But I don't think that just because you have a pressing legal reason to go the courthouse route doesn't automatically mean you are forbidden from doing a reception later with a small vow renewal ceremony.  If we went that route, the vows we get to say in front of our family would be when I consider us fully married, the legal ceremony would be just that, a legal ceremony, like signing mortgage documents, sort of.It's not always the presents and big white dress and being fawned over that is the reason for a reception/vow renewal.  We would do it to spend time with family and friends, to have a good party.
  • jilybean said everything I'm thinking about the subject. If a couple needs a quick wedding for whatever reason I don't see the harm in having a nice reception after the fact. If I was in that situation I would be very upset that we didn't get the chance to celebrate with family. For me it wouldn't be about THE DAY as much as just getting a chance to celebrate.
    Oh no we dropped the groom!! imagePlanning Bio UPDATED
  • I think it is all about how it is done. A big white dress & all of the cheesy wedding stuff - no. A renewal of vows & a party for the family & friends who missed it- Yes. Now don't be all gift grabby & all, but a party is a party. Money is tight - practical reasons encourage marriage now. (or other reasons) But you still want a party for friends in the next year? Sure why not

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • I am with you tlv 100%. That being said, I have this sneaky suspicion that this is one of those things that if some one really close to me felt the need to do this I would probably 'get it.' Not sure why or how. Some things in life are like that.
  • I'm not "okay" with it but I'm not going to not attend my friend or family's fake wedding just to prove them a lesson in etiquette.
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
    imageimageAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

    My Blog

  • Re: separate religious and government weddings: they actually do this in France.  It's customary to have your civil ceremony with immediate family in some sort of mildly festive outfit, and then follow it up a few days/weeks later with religious ceremony and blowout party.I'm on the different strokes for different folks bandwagon, as long as you're not trying to hide the fact that you are already technically married at your big shindig.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards