Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invitation to a faraway old friend...

My childhood best friend and I haven't seen each other since we were ten years old, because our families have both moved a lot since our fathers were both in the military.  She now lives on the West Coast and has a baby of her own to care for, so while I can't imagine not inviting her to my wedding, I don't expect that she'll be able to make it out here.  My dilemma is this:  I don't want to seem gift-grabby by sending an invite to a good friend who I know probably can't come, but I do want to be sure to extend her the opportunity to attend the wedding in the event that I'm mistaken about her current circumstances.  Would it be inappropriate to enclose a small note along with her invitation, just a few handwritten lines explaining that?I want to invite her without making her feel obligated to send a gift, and without making her feel guilty for being unable to attend if that is the case.  Any suggestions?  Has anyone had this same problem?

Re: Invitation to a faraway old friend...

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    I'm in a similar situation with a good friend of mine whose cousin is getting married the same day I am. We already talked about it (I had wanted her to be a BM before I knew about her cousins wedding) and she knows that I think family comes first. However, I am going to send her an invitation with a note saying that we would be thinking of her on our special day and understand that she could not be there.
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    I had a similar situation, and I enclosed a similar note. I think what you're planning to do is a nice gesture, and I think it will make her feel nice that you want her to be at the wedding but you're also being very considerate of her situation. Go for it.
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    How often do you talk with her?  If you send her an invitation out of the blue, then it's going to look gift-grabby.  But if you talk on a somewhat regular basis, then it wouldn't be too weird.  Just mention before invitations go out that you'd love for her to be able to come, but you totally understand if she can't.
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    That's a good point about how often we talk...but tricky to answer.  We talk every month or so because we're both so busy.  But we send each other cards every year and I was invited to her baby shower even though they knew I couldn't make it.  No one told me about it before the invitation came but it didn't seem out of the blue to me either.I guess I don't need to write a note but I figure it's better to leave a note inside the invitation rather than send a separate letter.  I just want to know if that's tacky or inappropriate in some way.
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