Wedding Etiquette Forum
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A and B lists

We are trying to cut some people because we have way too many on the guestlist. We were thinking about having a B list....but how do you work it so its not obvious? Do you send out the A list invites a little earlier than normal and when you get declines send out invites to the B list?
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Re: A and B lists

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    No, unfortunately we already put a deposit down on the place. We thought we were good with the list but our parents wanted us to add people and now its pushing it to the limits.
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    You may just have to say no. B list are mostly frowned upon here.
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    Learn to say no.  Don't do +1 for people not in serious relationships.  Don't invite kids.  And don't do a B list. 
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    If it's your parents that are trying to add on guests then you should just explain to them that it can't be done due to capacity reasons.
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    Hmm. If these are just random adds on your parents' part and you have to invite these extra people just to appease your parents, I personally think an A/B list situation would be OK in your situation.If you have to do this, just send the A list invitations earlier with an earlier RSVP date. It may be obvious to them that there are an 2 lists, but better that the first round of guests invited realize that they're on the A list, than the second round realize that they're on the B list.Do you have a lot of OOT guests? One thing that worked for us was to send just the OOT invitations earlier, with an earlier RSVP deadline. We weren't asked any questions about this approach, but in case we were, it would have been easy to justify this approach by saying that we wanted to give OOTers more time to make travel arrangements. (We didn't send STDs).You should make sure that the A list and B list people won't talk to each other and realize that there are 2 lists.At the end of the day, people probably will realize what's happening despite your best efforts to mitigate that. But I personally don't think it's the end of the world if they do. (I know that this view isn't shared among all knotties here; but at least they were invited!)
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    I would just tell your parents that the venue simply cannot accommodate more people. If they try to tell you that you're guarranteed that some will say no, tell them you need to plan for 100% attendance. My step-sister invited 154 people to her wedding and only four replied no. You can't rely on people saying no. Also, what would you do if one of your guests found out that he or she was on the B list? They might be pretty offended and the situation would be awkward for everyone.
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    I agree with Ring Pop. I am sending all of my international invites first with an earlier RSVP date. I figure that no one will decide last minute to fly from England to the US. All of my b-list are on my side and local to the wedding. I have been on a b-list attended the wedding and had a blast.
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    We already have a no kids policy and all but maybe one or two are in serious relationships or married. I'm stuck with telling the parents no because they are helping with a chunk of money. Most of the people on the B list are family that our parents want us to invite but we really dont want to because we either havent talked to them in a long time or we just really dont get along.
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    " figure that no one will decide last minute to fly from England to the US" I had 4 people decide right before our wedding that they would fly to the Us from India for our wedding because they got a "good rate." They had already RSVP'd no. I think that there isn't a good way to judge who may and who may not come. Just draw the line and only invite those you can.
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    Ditto Ringpop & NCV2.  We're sending our international invites out earlier with an earlier rsvp.  The other thing we're doing is making sure our B list people are all ones who don't know anybody on the A list, so they won't know if their invite comes a bit later. Having said all that, I don't think we would have even made a B list if we didn't know for 99% certain that a good number of the internationals won't be able to come. 
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    Please, please, PLEASE listen to all of these wonderful ladies when they tell you that you just have to put your foot down.  I made the mistake of not doing that, and our guest list ballooned from 225 to 375.  I about keeled over.  Since I hadn't put my foot down previously, now my mother in law is randomly inviting people to my shower.  My best friend (the MOH) called me and asked me if I was OK with it or if I wanted it to stop.  Since I didn't put my foot down before, now my best friend is stuck with all sorts of people being added to the guest list because my soon to be MIL has gone freakin' nuts in the last two months.  You have GOT to say no.  My in laws have already told us that they want to give us an obscene amount of money for our wedding gift, and now I honestly think it is so they believe they can do whatever the hell they want.  LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE!! LoL 
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    agree with pp...I didn't put my foot down either, and now I wish I had.  We have the most random people coming.  Just say NO! It's hard but stick to your guns! 
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    If these  B listers are people you don't know and who are your parents' friends...IMO they shouldn't be insulted to be on the B list. Obviously (to me, at least) your close family and friends should have top priority, just as their close friends and family would be top priority at their weddings. They are probably aware that you are not close to them and shouldn't take it personally that they arent' first on the list. If I was on the B list of a wedding, chances are it would be someone I work with, a distant family member, or someone my parents know, etc. If it was a local wedding, I'd probably go and have a great time. It would be unlikely that I'd travel out of town or buy them an extravagent gift, knowing that I was the B list...but if i'm not close to them to begin with, i'd be unlikely to do those things even if I was on the A list.
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    Charlsie....your bridal shower looked like a lot of fun!
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    Thanks!  They were.  I'm glad I got them done before the wedding.  One less thing I have to worry about the day of!  Thanks for the comment!
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