Web MD

ggmae

Louisville - I wouldn't want MIL in the room either. She can come in shortly afterwards. When SIL has a kid, she can go in for that.

louisvillebride21

Too bad FI is an only child. Oh well, not something to worry about right now. I think I'll just get over any misgivings. Its a big day for her too. However, if she starts freaking out or freaking me out, I know FI will have no problem telling her to go wait in the waiting room until its all over.

mandysmear

Yeah my H cut himself in culinary school and passed out from the blood.  He still said he would be there.  He knows he'd get over it and stay away from the grossness.  It's incredibly odd to me, not so much that he's not going to be in the room while you give birth.  But, the fact that you said you want to look presentable before he gets there.  Like serious side eye and WTF.

ThePinkSuperhero

I'm with Audrey, I'd prefer to give birth alone (not alone alone, I need my medical people of course, and I'd like everyone somewhat nearby just in case) I don't want to deal with any other people while I'm dealing with the pain, I want to focus on me and the baby. As soon as we're all done, everybody can come in and fuss over the baby while I rest.

lauralaur

FWIW, I've talked to fi about this and we've agreed that he will not be in that delivery room with me. I just don't know how I'd feel about that. I don't need the moral support, I just need to squeeze someone's, anyone's hand really (I've had my fair share of gross/painful medical procedures, I just need a hand). I don't need anyone watching. Ick. There are family members right now who know things about me that I wish they didn't, and I have a hard time looking them in the eye and talking to them about anything serious. My friend recently had a baby. Her husband was there, holding a leg. I went to visit them in the hospital the day after and he would not shut up about the placenta, etc. He was having a hard time getting over everything he saw. That being said, children are a long ways off for us and it's possible that I'll change my mind between now and baby-making time. Or, that I'll be in the delivery room demanding that he come in. He would definitely be at the hospital for the whole thing though, he would not be anywhere else while this was going on.

lauralaur

Oh and brie (at least I think it was brie), I get ovarian cysts, and while I'm pretty sure they aren't that kind, thanks for letting me know that's a possibility. Definitely just freaked myself and my fi the hell out.

lyndausvi

DH does not like needles, blood or even seeing me in pain.  But he will be in the delivery room with me.  If nothing else to comfort/support me his wife, his 'life' as he calls it.  Seeing his child born will just be a bonus.MIL?  I feel strongly that my mother is not more important than  my MIL in regards to seeing their grandchild born, simply because she is my mother.   We do not live near either mom, so it will be a non-issue for us. They live a plane ride away, so neither one will be there anyway.  If we lived near them, I would let both of them or none of them in the room.  I do not want to set a standard that one grandparent is more important than the other.

saschaduran

I do not want anyone around pre-delivery except my husband and my daughter.  He has 11 siblings and I have seen the parade that happens everytime someone is in the hospital.  They can come after, of course, but frankly, I want that time limited too.  I don't want people there all day long. And while I want my husband in the delivery room, I do not want him looking at the baby coming out.  AT ALL!  I wouldn't even look in the mirror when I had my daughter.  (My mom looked though).  Funny thing though is that I don't think he would mind.  He is more comfortable with childbirth than I am.  His mom gave birth at home to a few of his siblings and he was in the room.  That will not be me.

ThePinkSuperhero

I told FI about this conversation and he was shocked at the idea of MILs being in the room (his mother would not be the type to want to be in the room). "Just shoot 'em!" he says.

Audrey_03

"Presentable" was code for "not with my legs still up in the air and gooey surgical thingies still around the room and the doctor still in there stitching things up". I'd like to have a few minutes to get up, move around a little, go bathroom, clean up a little (just so *I* feel better, not because he won't love me anymore, sheesh). I wasn't saying that I need to have my eyebrows waxed, a full face of make-up on and my hair perfectly coiffured before I'll grant him an audience.

saschaduran

When I think of my husband watching the baby come out I am reminded of a very horrible comment a guy friend of mine made to me once.  He confided that ever since he watched his wife give birth he was less sexually attracted to her, and the thought of going down on her her made him nauseous.  The worst part is, he wasn't a horrible douchebag type of guy and he seemed really distraught over how he felt.  (Although I did feel awkward being the recipient of that information)  He must have worked through it because they are still together and had another baby.

lyndausvi

interesting.  I have yet to met a woman who wanted to be 'presentable' for her husband after giving birth.  I do not know anyone who walked around and 'freshed' up either.  That is just a foreign concept to me. My BIL was in the delivery room with my sister.  My sis torn big time like 50+ stiches.  It was not pretty.  Yet my BIL had a whole new respect for my sister since he witnessed what she went through.  Not only did she get a nice diamond necklace out of the deal. She got a cleaning lady and extra help until she could heal.    He even admits if he was not there to witness he would not have totally understood what she actually had to go through to bring in his beautiful daughter.

nda_roxybabe

I can't imagine getting up and walking around before my husband came in. Now, I do plan on touching up makeup (if needed. It will be if my skin still looks as sucky as it does now) before having numerous photos taken...

tlv204

I just don't understand the notion of only wanting to focus on you and the baby.  Like I said before, it's his child too.  I certainly don't want him watching the gory stuff (he already told me he'd prefer to stay by my face anyway), but I can't imagine pushing him out of such an important day for him.  Honestly I hadn't even thought about the mothers. I guess if my mom wanted to she could be there, but not MIL. 

Audrey_03

*sigh* Oh for crying out loud. Now it's a crime to want to get up and walk to the bathroom? If you don't walk to the bathroom, the only way you can go is to have someone put a catheter in. If you have an epidural, you may have to be given IV fluids to keep your BP up. I needed 4 bags of saline. I HAD to pee. While I'm in the bathroom anyway, I think I'll take a second to run a comb through my hair and splash a little water on my face. Getting up and walking a little feels good after being confined to the bed for 8+ hours.

BecW2be

My Ex was in the room both times for waist-up support. I actually let a demonic voice from deep inside me erupt when my MIL tried to sneak in the room right as I started pushing, even though everyone made it VERY clear that she was not to be in there. My mom wasn't in there and didn't even try to be. Of course, my exMIL was Satan, so it felt really, really good to scream "GET THEFUCK OUT OF HERE YOU STUPIDBITCH!" and then later blame it on the pain. Trust me girls, as much as you have going on during labor, I'm pretty sure the poop is a nice surprise for the nurses instead of blood, goo, tissue and baby that pops out. It is NOT pretty. I pooped on the table with my first one, and I wouldn't have even known if the nurse hadn't told me. She simply ripped the paper sheet off and there was another one underneath. She said it happens more often than not. Totally not a big deal, and you won't even care at that point. There are SO many other things going on down there. THAT should be what makes you reconsider!

louisvillebride21

Don't a lot of women's legs go numb from the epi? At least that's what a lot of ladies say on the bump. I can't imagine trying to walk like that. Not that a cathder is a better option, but still. But it is your choice, I think it's just odd for a lot of us who what to share that moment in all its disgustiness with our DH.

tlv204

Am I a bad person/Will I be a bad mother because threads like this make me seriously reconsider having children?  I just don't get how any of this grossness can ever be considered normal and that makes me worry for myself. I want to be a mom, I just don't want my bottom half to explode. Also, that comment about the H who got nauseous about his wife after labor is like my biggest fear ever.

lyndausvi

Up until a year ago there were no epidurals here in St Thomas.  Even now, there is only one person to give them.  I really do not have a choice but to go all natural, as that one person may not even be available.I would imagine pooping would be the least of my worries compared to all the other stuff coming out of me. 

louisvillebride21

TLV, it doesn't make you a bad mother, just a concerned woman. I'm not so much worried about the grossness of the immediate delivery. FI has seen me gross enough and never even batted an eye lash. I'm a little more concerned with things going back to normal after the delivery. Apparently, things tighten up for most women. Our bodies are made for this, after all. Poor Lynda. I cannot even imagine going all natural. I know a lot of women look down on epis. I also know that birth can sometimes take hours upon hours to complete. If I'm exhuasted from all the pain of laboring, I don't think I'm going to be very effective in the pushing stage. I trust the doctors to do a good job administering the epi.

lyndausvi

I'm not one that looks down on epi.   I just know they are not always an option down here.  I actually I have yet to met someone who has here.  When you know it's not an option, you just have to deal with it. As far as pain, I really hope I'm like my mom. With me, she went to the doctor for a normal checkup.  He said 'you are in labor, go to the hospital'.  She called my dad, he met her there.  45 minutes later I was born.  the doctorethought she would be longer he did not even make it to the hopsital on time.It was simliar with my sister and brothers' birth. 

louisvillebride21

Wow. It was the same thing with my (adoptive) mom's daughter. The doctor literally had to catch her on the way out she came so fast. I can't imagine things will go particulary easy for me though. FI was a 10.5 pd baby. Had I been born on time, I would have been a really big baby too.

brookelynpaisley

I'm undecided as to whether or not I'd want my mom there. My thinking is that FI and I were there when baby was conceived, we should be the ones to greet her. I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable with my mom, but I know for a fact that FMIL will NOT be in the room.

katiewhompus

I definitely want Dh in there and I'm kinda on the fence about having my mom in there as well. Everyone else gets to wait outside and come in once I've had a chance to breath and (like Audrey) freshen up a bit. I'm a definite fan of the idea of peeing on my own and maybe splashing my face with water.Mil in will be waiting in the waiting room with my dad. I love her dearly but if I'm in pain I don't want her taking anything I say personally or worrying about what I'm doing. She wasn't in the room when her daughter gave birth though so it won't be an issue. That being said, if I asked, she'd be in there in a heart beat.Fish, When I nailed my tailbone it was livable but sore after about 2 weeks. I think it took about a month to two months to go back to normal. And yeah, sex? I don't think so...