Wedding Etiquette Forum
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going dutch...

Hey Knotties...I need some help with this one... I've recently gone from a May 2010 knottie to an October 09 knottie over the last 30 days. (crazy, i know) Our new plans: a smaller ceremony with just close family (guest list of 30) followed by a nice dinner out. As a result of the recent changes, FI and I are on a TIGHT budget... Questions: 1. Is it wrong to ask family to pay for their own dinner when we go out? 2. How do I word this??? The invitations are already made and make no mention of any type of post-ceremony event. However I was gonna make an addendum card to send off with the invitations... I want/need to find a non-tacky way of saying...we'd love for you to join us after for dinner at [insert nice restaurant here] following the ceremony but you gotta pay for yourselfes The restaurant is fairly afforable...approx $15-25 per meal...but I just want them to have a heads up about the expense. Any suggestions??? TIA!

Re: going dutch...

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    1. Yes 2. There isn't a good way. (sits back and waits...)
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    *facepalm*

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
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    1.  Yes.  You host an event, you pay.2.  No.Have a cake and punch reception, paid for by you, not during a mealtime, instead.
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    I'm labeling this as unsolvable, but its not meant to be solved anyway.  Bad idea.
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    My suggestion is to keep your May date and save money to host your guess.
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    1. Yes.  You should only invite those you can afford to feed. 2. There is no non-tacky way to word this.
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    You don't send invites for an event you're not hosting.
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    How cheap are you?No really. I want to know.Do you take out your friends cars and refuse to pay for gas? Do you bum cigarettes constantly? Do you ever tip at a restaurant? Wear a dress you already have in your closet to your wedding. There. 5 more people could just come to your wedding.
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    Applause for Salt - completely wrong ideas look much better in the form of a poem.
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    headed2yale: i think you hit the nail right on the head...i was thinking the dinner was something that was expected so a simple reception of cake and punch didn't even cross my mind. thanks for the suggestion! retread: appreaciate the advice. seriously. i'm on the etiquette board cause I wanted to know what was best...so yeah...thx again salt: ::slow clap::....i almost got offended at your "poem" but it really just made me laugh....and yes i see how it sounds... roxyruby: not cheap. just broke...again, we're on a TIGHT budget though these weren't the responses i was expecting (though i think jessiegirl was prepared for the word-lashing...) i see where you ALL are coming from
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    Yes, things are rather tame here ;-) I think everyone here appreciates it though when a poster can accept feedback rather than freaking out!
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    yes, it is wrong. you are hosting a reception, so people shouldn't pay for that.
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    So why did you move your wedding up?
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    I was recently invited to a wedding where I was asked to pay for my own ($25) meal. I didn't end up going for other reasons, and I knew their reasons for keeping it cheap (both students with a baby) but I still thought it was rude. They should have put off the wedding, IMO. I'm fine with cash bars (no flames please, open bars are just not done where I'm from) but paying for my own meal is not cool. How about a buffet at your house or something? Make the food yourself with the help of mother/aunts etc? Far less cost... Other then that I would postpone the wedding...
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    Sorry but the expense is on you . you can not invite anyone to the ceremoney you can not afford to offer hospitality to. If you can not do 30 people dinner out at a $15 place. Howe much can you afford? Can you instead have everyone back to your place for cake and coffee and soda? That could be done on a $50 budget which is what you will be paying for just teh two of you. It is beyond rude to not host your own reception. If you can not afford this find something you can afford!
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