ktjanesmom

[Deleted User]

i just saw your question from the other night. i don't think i really need a reason not to. i simply can't think of a compelling reason to do so.as for other women - like it or not, having fewer/no kids reduces your carbon footprint more than pretty much anything else you can do.  and we're well past the stage where it shouldn't matter, do whatever the hell you want (universal you).  furthermore, i judge people who take drastic measures to reproduce.  their genes aren't that fricking special.

[Deleted User]

But dont you have that natural desire that I believe most women have, to have a baby? uh, no.  frankly, i think that's mighty presumptuous. There was a reason why these genes shouldn't have been passed on, and you just told Mother Nature to go fluck herself. She's usually smarter than us, and I'm inclined to listen to her. Ditto this 100%. Maybe I'm just totally unemphatic because I have no desire to have children, but come on. If your body is refusing to reproduce, maybe you should be listening to it. Survival of the fittest and all. agree 100% on both counts.good for you chisholm.bel - this is in response to a post in a buried thread from a couple of nights ago that i didn't see at the time.

J&K10910

^^I can't even come up with a good enough response to that.. other than the fact you said that disgust me...Jill likely doesn't give a shiit why, but I'm curious.  So why?

mandysmear

I think that if someone wants to have a child they should.  If they don't want to, then they probably shouldn't.  The problem is people are conditioned to think that the whole point of life is to get married and procreate.  It's society's fault.More and more people are opting out of parenthood and I say all the power to them.For the record 80% of the time I do not want children and 20% of the time I do. 

J&K10910

The problem is people are conditioned to think that the whole point of life is to get married and procreate.Yes!  This is exactly what bothers me.  That people get married and have babies because it's "just what you do."

laladypoet

OH! OH! I know one!you wouldn't have to worry about raising someone who grows up to be like ktjanesmom.

amalama

Wow, I have a daughter and I think that makes me realize even more that not everyone should. Not just because there are some crappy parents out there, but it is tough and I can't imagine just having a baby because I'm supposed to and going through everything that goes with it without even being sure I wanted the children. It's awfully presumptuous to assume that all women want babies (or that they should).

J&K10910

When people say "...but I respect your opinion," what I really hear is, "I totally disagree, and I think you're nuts, but I don't think I can effectively argue my point with you."

shanwalk2

I'll jump in here for a sec. I teach kids ages 2-14ish. Every single day I see parents that should have thought reeeeeally hard before they decided to reproduce. They're not comfortable around their own kids, they don't know how to handle them, and they ask me (childless) on advice on how to address them, encourage them, ect. I also know 2 women who always said they didn't want kids - they got married, had them anyway, and (although they won't ever admit it) they're struggling with their kids. They don't want another one and don't really have that desire to parent them. It's hard. They're now "bound" to them and their every need. Not that they're not going to be good parents... it's just not right for them, but it's too late now. I think everyone should evaulate themselves, their partner, their living situation and finances and THEN decide if they really actually want children. No woman (or man) should feel obligated to commit the rest of their lives to another person if they don't feel that desire. Having children is not mandatory. Only those that want children, and are prepared for them should reproduce. In regards to the whole "drastic measures" to have kids - I'm torn.

RoxyRuby

There was a reason why these genes shouldn't have been passed on, and you just told Mother Nature to go fluck herself. She's usually smarter than us, and I'm inclined to listen to her.Interesting. But, when you get preggers from a bad one night stand (or worse rape), is that mother nature telling you that you are meant to reproduce/have the most-specialist genes? Of course not. This line of reasoning is faulty when you reverse it.

laladypoet

I actually don't have any problem with someone who really wants a child and, say, has endometriosis or something that they treat so they can get pregnant. and I also don't have a problem with IVF.  to me, it's like saying cancer is simply darwinism. we have the technology to help people do things, so use it.I would find it odd if someone really wanted to be a mother, did all they could to get pregnant, and then refused to adopt. I don't get that.

laladypoet

er, what I meant was: to say that people who can't reproduce without help is like saying cancer (or any other life-threatening illness) is Darwinism/ mother nature telling you to die.

Nebb

There is a myriad of reasons you could come up with to support or go against having children, its a personal choice. Some people have a maternal instinct, others really just dont. There isnt anything wrong with that, and its pointless to question that urge or tell them they will change their mind.

laladypoet

I agree. I'd never ask someone (unless we were really close) why they made their life choices.

RoxyRuby

Also Nebb, my SIL swears she has a huge maternal instinct and has graced our earth with four angels thus far. By angels I mean the most poorly parented, worst behaved, whiny, territorial, angry creatures to have ever been born. Some people just have no clue what they are cut out for.Every one for mandatory tests in order to reproduce raise your hand.

emilykathleen511

I definitely agree with all the previous posts whose sentiment was saying that people should evaluate on an individual and/or couple level and decide if they have the desire, commitment, and finances to warrant having children. I vehemently disagree with the sentiment that says that people who desperately want children, but can't have them without help, shouldn't get help. I absolutely respect wanting or not wanting children, and I think that respect extends to using available technology to meet your reproductive goals, whether that is oral contraception, condoms, IUDs, injections, getting tubes tied, or getting a vasectomy to PREVENT a pregnancy OR if it's using fertility drugs, ovum/sperm donors, artificial insemination, etc to BECOME pregnant. Come on now, this goes both ways.

ktjanesmom

Nebb said it perfectly !   Goodnight ladies.

ggmae

I agree that many parents should have thought twice before having kids. Some people are just not cut out to be parents. But, people aren't magically programmed to have children - parenthood is a learning process and something you have to work at everyday, just like marriage. As for fertility treatments, it always saddens me to hear about a couple who can't conceive on their own. Sure, some think that it's Mother Nature's way of telling them that they aren't fit to be parents. Others just view it as an obstacle to overcome.I don't judge those who don't want kids because it's a personal choice and their prerogative to choose not to. I really want kids, carbon footprints and all. I'll help to save the planet in other ways.

[Deleted User]

I vehemently disagree with the sentiment that says that people who desperately want children, but can't have them without help, shouldn't get help. I absolutely respect wanting or not wanting children, and I think that respect extends to using available technology to meet your reproductive goals, whether that is oral contraception, condoms, IUDs, injections, getting tubes tied, or getting a vasectomy to PREVENT a pregnancy OR if it's using fertility drugs, ovum/sperm donors, artificial insemination, etc to BECOME pregnant. Come on now, this goes both ways. i have to admit, you have a good point that i can't easily counter.  except to say that, my personal biases as well as my view that it's more environmentally responsible to reproduce frugally colors my opinion.

mocha beans

But, when you get preggers from a bad one night stand (or worse rape), is that mother nature telling you that you are meant to reproduce/have the most-specialist genes? Of course not. This line of reasoning is faulty when you reverse it.It's not really the same thing.  The Mother Nature in this sense is simply biology.  It has nothing to do with a person's (possibly) bad decision to have a one night stand or being the vicitim of rape.

bel138

My opinion is colored by the fact that there is an increased risk of genetic diseases when using reproductive technologies. Diseases & disorders that originate from faulty genes that were never intended to be passed on. Just as 50% of fertilized eggs are simply rejected by the body due to genetic abnormalities.

RoxyRuby

Just to play devils advocate Mocha, couldn't you argue that a child who was fathered by a rapist or from poor decision making/lack of responsibility is the shallow end of the gene pool? It can get pretty circular.

veronabrit

I get what you are saying, but there are many more reasons couples choose to have children other than wanting to see how their kids turn out.

[Deleted User]

I get what you are saying, but there are many more reasons couples choose to have children other than wanting to see how their kids turn out.what are you talking about?

mrsLesGrossman

I understand a lot of women who are not interested in having children.  Everyone has different priorities and interests.  I don't think it is fair to say that if someone has issues procreating, they should give up.  I don't know if my cancer was genetic or environmental.  That doesn't mean we shouldn't have a family because of these issues.  I have limited chances in having a child of our own and we are interested in adoption.  I don't think any one is in a position to rule weather or not women should have a family, to each their own as long as you are serious. 

mrsLesGrossman

*whether, a dur