Wedding Etiquette Forum

Worried about my friend

So one of my best friends and BMs went on a diet about two years ago.  She lost a bunch of weight and looks great, although she never was really "fat" in the first place (just a little chubby).  Anyways, we went to try on dresses a few months ago and my other BFF (who's my MOH) was in the dressing room with her, and when she came out she whispered to me about how thin BM is looking.  We've been kind of watching her these last couple of months and we're starting to get concerned that she's become a little too worried about her weight.  She's now gotten to the point where even Noodle (who doesn't notice stuff like this) commented on how thin she's gotten.  And when we ask her to do things like go to the state fair with us (something we've done every year at least once for the last 8 years) she refuses because "the food is so high in calories."  And I *know* she wants to go because she LURVES fair food.I don't know what to do.  She's not anorexic, and she's not bulemic (I'm pretty sure) I just don't want her to become obssessed with dieting and her weight.  I mean seriously, going to the state fair and having some cheese curds is not going to make you balloon up twenty pounds overnight.  MOH wants to talk to her about it, but I'm on the fence.  On one hand, she's a grown woman, and I don't want to be up in her business for nothing, and maybe I'm overreacting.  But on the other, I don't want to see her make herself sick or start denying all the fun things in life because of her fear she'll gain weight again.

If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

Re: Worried about my friend

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    She needs something else to focus on. Part-time school and living at Mom & Dad's would drive anyone over the age of 20 crazy.
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    She's not anorexic, and she's not bulemic (I'm pretty sure) I just don't want her to become obssessed with dieting and her weight. Even if she doesn't look "anorexic" yet, she could still have anorexia.  If she's obsessing about her weight and what she eats, it's very possible.  Does she make comments about her weight, like that she thinks she is fat?  She might not be - but it is a possibility.
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    Nugget, I'm going to offer a little bit of a different point of view.I had some people (including my mom) say to me that I'd lost too much weight. I knew numbers-wise I had not.  In fact, one person walked into the room and declared I looked anorexic in front of 3 or 4 coworkers.  I had gastric bypass surgery 4 years before, and she hadn't seen me in nearly a year.  I'd lost about 200 lbs.  Much had come off in my face, and so she was seeing that.  it was just as hurtful as if she'd said I was fat.If you say something, be very careful, and say it privately.  Showing your concern shows you care, and that's a good thing.  If she knows her trigger foods and is trying to avoid them, that's another story. Maybe just start by asking her if everything is okay - ask if there are other stressors in her life (that's when I don't eat).  You're a good friend to be concerned about her.
    Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
    I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
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    I think you should approach it gently. Just let her know that you were thinking about her and wondered if everything was ok.I also second the other comment that eating disorders are often very well hidden, and though she may not have outward signs of bulimia or anorexia, that does not rule out an eating disorder. If she has warped perception and isn't eating enough to maintain her health, call it what you will, but it is clearly a problem. You don't have to critique her body or make her feel ashamed, but I do think that as a friend you should talk to her about how she's feeling.
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