Wedding Etiquette Forum

I may have picked the wrong MoH...

Um... okay. So, here's the story: I've got a long engagement ahead of me (like 3 years) and it just started. In all the excitement, I asked a friend to be my MoH without even really thinking about it. It was a total mistake. I don't have a lot of girl friends, so I thought of her first. But this gal (we'll call her B) is kind of always making everything about her. B is really weird in social situations, so I know she wouldn't be very good to coordinate the bridal shower or the bachelorette party. B's one of the least dependable girls ever, too. She doesn't have a car (neither do I), and she uses that as her excuse to never do anything (even just meeting up for lunch or something like that). She's always trying to make things easier for her by getting everybody else to do her things for her. I know you may be thinking, "Well, if B is so bad, why did you even ask her in the first place?" But here's the thing, like I said B is one of my only "gal pals", and when we click we really click. But sadly, when the pendulum swings the other way, I can't stand the broad! It wasn't until I was explaining all this calmly (okay I was venting and crying!) to my FH that he told me he was surprised I hadn't asked my friend from high school (who had moved away, but came back and we recently got in touch again... we'll call her A). He said, "You know A would make sure it was your day and wouldn't make everything all about her. You know she'd be fun and always put you first since it's your time." So... here's where you ladies come in... what should I do? How do I even breach the topic with B? Should I ask if B would step down to "just" a bridesmaid? Or should I try to have two Mohs? I just don't know what to do! :(

Re: I may have picked the wrong MoH...

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    You should stop talking about the wedding and wait and see what friends you have in 2 years.  A lot will change between now and then. 
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    I have two years left on what started out as a three-year engagement, so I know it can be hard. I asked some members of our wedding party right away, but our wedding party consists entirely of siblings and (at this point) one close friend. We're sort of asking people gradually as we decide, and holding off until the last year on anyone who isn't related to us.I agree with PP who think you should just tell your MOH that you are backing off from wedding things for a while, and then do so. I know it is really exciting to be engaged, and when you first get engaged, you want to plan everything right away. But you can't keep up the same level of wedding excitement consistently for three years. I know. There will be points when you need to stop thinking about it all.
    Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
    Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
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    1. FI is wrong you should not be picking based on who will do stuff for you but based on who you are best pals with 2. you are years away from when you should ask like 2 years. Wait there is nothing for a Wp to do for the next 30 months. 3.You can not kick B out or to BM without forever damaging and liekly ending that relationship. you asked you live with it. 4. In 30 months if you want A to be co moh ask her then5. Do not talk wedding with your friends/family constantly for the next 3 years or they will be so so sick of it by the time it rolls around that they will not want to do anything for you . there is a non zero chance they will get married first
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    Three years is a very LONG engagement.  I don't even have all of the same friends now as I did 3 years ago.  Relationships change and evolve, people move away, people come into your life.  If I were in your situation I would just not worry about it for now.  There's not much planning you can do this early anyway, so don't talk about the wedding with B very much at all at this point.  Your shower and b-party is still 2 years away, so there's nothing for her to even be doing now anyway.  You may find that your relationship drifts apart and this may not even be an issue by then.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    Thank you for all the help, here are some updates and answers to some questions I saw: B and FH were friends in high school and B and I were in the same dorms our freshman year of college, and that's where I met FH, so I've always been with her as a friend. She's never been the best of friends, but- like I said- I don't have many friends (especially chicks) to begin with. When I told her we were engaged, she kind of assumed she was the MoH, so it was kind of a natural thing that she become it (wow... that sounds a lot more strange on paper now...). She's been watching wedding shows with me and helping me look at types of flowers and dresses and things like that. Really basic stuff. The reason for the LOOOONG engagement is because FH and I want to save up (yeah, we're paying for everything ourselves) enough to buy a house at some point, and also not go in too deep with the wedding. Since we're having a really DIY wedding, we also want to have as much time as possible to research different things we can do that will make our wedding look amazing... on as skimpy of a budget as possible. FH would much rather throw down $10k on a honeymoon than a wedding, lol!I know it's a long way away, but I will be buying things gradually throughout the years while they become available through sales and will be making a lot of the centerpieces, flower arrangements, etc myself (all fake flowers of course!). My parents and FH parent's both pretty much eloped. My parents had a last-minute Vegas wedding and his parents just went to the courthouse. So I want to have a nice long engagement so that we can do all the fun things (trying on dresses, tasting cakes, etc, etc, etc) that my mom and FMIL never got to have. I don't feel pressured to do this, but I think it would be nice. I like being the first (I'll be the first to graduate college and I'll be the first to have a lengthy engagement!). So, generally what I'm getting from everybody is that I should just cool my jets and relax with the whole wedding thing for a while, apologize to B that I rushed into everything, then pick up again in a year or so and see where we stand then. Is that right? (Again, thank you ladies SOOO much! I was really stressed and freaking out!)
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    Save your money but do not buy stuff until within a year of your wedding your ideas will change so much in teh next 3 years.
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    You got it, Koala. Also ditto PP, do not start buying stuff now; your tastes will change. Our engagement was 10 months and I changed my mind on several things along the way. Luckily, I wasn't buying and hoarding stuff, so this wasn't a problem. Also, since you've got all this time you could grow your own flowers. Real flowers are so much prettier, and besides what are you going to do with all those fake centerpieces after the wedding? My crystal ball envisions them gathering dust in your attic for the next 50 years...
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