Someone sway me (kids v no kids again...)

temerityjane

Yes, this is the kids v no kids debate again, but hopefully not an actual debate. Long.When I first started vaguely planning, I had a sister telling me I MUST include kids, because my cousin D is SO CUTE and how could I have a wedding without him? While my mom is telling me "oh yes you CAN have a wedding without kids and everyone will get over it."Problem being, NO ONE asked me if I wanted or didn't want kids there.First I will address the money issue - priority #1 for me is guest list. We ARE on a smaller budget, but I will determine who I want there, whether it includes kids or not, and work the budget around that number. Children will not be excluded to save money. Period.Here's the issue. We're picking a location within the next week, and that does rely on numbers and totals and such, so I need to decide. The total with kids is around 130 invites, without, about 105-110. So, it's a lot of kids.Without going into detail about how an age cut off is not practical (and you'll have to trust enough to believe that it is, because of the age of all the cousins), here's the problem.I LOVE the idea of a wedding with all my little cousins and friends running around. If everyone came, it would range from 17 on down to possibly just months old.I also LOVE the idea of an adults only evening. It's a night reception, open bar, and having no kids around would be great as well.Solutions such as having a babysitter or having a kids' area have been considered and discarded for various reasons. Again, in the interest of [somewhat] brevity, you'll have to believe me on that.I really and truly, genuinely and seriously, LOVE both ideas. It's all or nothing in this case - no one under 18, or 20 some kids.Which would you choose?

crfische

I get really annoyed with kids at weddings, so I'd say no kids. But that has nothing to do with anything other than me just getting annoyed by children at weddings.

vallyhoo

I agree with the rationale that evening receptions with open bar are not the most suitable environments for children. With that said, we are having one and we are not excluding children. So I guess I am a hypocrite.In your situation, I would invite the kids. I just think that if you are close enough with them now, and they will always be a part of your life, you will like to look back on your photos and remember them being there.Just my two cents though.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Here's the thing - if you say no kids whatsoever, then you make the choice for people. Maybe someone really wants to plan a family vacation around your wedding and include their kids. Or maybe they will choose not to drink and spend time enjoying their children playing with others, dancing, etc. But by saying no kids - they aren't able to do that and may decline the invitation. If you include kids, they get to make the choice for themselves. If they want to have an adult evening without their children, then they'll make arrangements for their kids. We have about 75 kids on our guest list (of 500). I can't imagine a wedding without some kids there. Of all the RSVPs we've received, the only kids who have been included are family. So...like I said, people make that choice for themselves when they have the option.  

jackie8582

I would invite the kids. If the parents want an adult evening, they can opt to get a sitter and leave the kids at home.

mandapanda78

Wait, you sort of indicated that which site you choose will also relay into whether you invite kids or not. Is there one site you like more than another? And is that the one that's more or less feasible with kids? Since you are equally torn between both kids/no kids, I'd say for now concentrate on your site explorations and see if that leads you to an answer.

Nebb

Kids suck. They are loud, and messy and cry at really inopportune times. I always get annoyed when kids are at weddings. No.

SwedishChick2011

I'd say to invite the kids.  Then parents can decide whether or not to bring them, instead of having to decide whether they can even come.  If you felt strongly about not having kids there, that would be one thing.  But since you're on the fence, I'd say to just invite them.

kimbini429

I love kids, and I still am not having any at the wedding.  I think it depends on what kind of wedding you are having.  Is it going to be at a hotel?  A banquet hall?  Or are you having it at your parents' house or something like that?  To me, in my opinion, an evening wedding at a nice hotel in the city is not the right place for kids.  I mean, they're not even going to enjoy something like that.  If, however, I was getting married at my aunt's house in the country, I know the kids would love it there, and they'd have a big backyard to play in, etc.  So basically, I think you should think about 1) what you want (do you want 1/6 of your guest list to be kids?) and 2) if it's a kid appropriate wedding.  Good luck! 

jinxed8605

I personally (due to budget) have to limit kids so I am inviting kids of relation (cousins, cousins kids, etc) but non-family are being invited just adults.

banana468

I think it's fine to make broad cutoffs or even just say you're inviting the people that you're close to.  We invited the children of cousins but not friends' children.  To us it made sense.If I had to choose, I'd honestly go with the option that made it more likely for my guests to be able to attend.  That may be the 'fairweather' answer but unless I was really set on an adult reception, I'd go for what made it easier for the guests.However this is also coming from someone who has  lot of well behaved children in her and her husband's family.  If the children were likely to tip over the wedding cake or paint themselves in cocktail sauce, I would have pushed for an adult reception all the way.

Lauren Beth

i would choose to not invite children, that is what i chose to do for my wedding.  the only kids we invited were my and my husband's first cousins (youngest was 8, and there were only 7 total).  if it will make a difference of which site you choose and you like one site better than the other, then i would chose the site you like best, then go from there.   

chleoaudds

I've been to many weddings and it is by experience that I say the kids will run around, the parents do not always keep a watchful eye on them and they can be a nuisance... and I love kids!  I know many people who had an adult only reception for various reasons which include... a nice night out for the adults, budget contraints, small venues that limit guest number, and the fact that they don't want kids running around like maniacs!  So I say no.

angiebear11

My wedding is going to start at 8:30pm and end at 2:00am. Not appropriate for children.

sarah0725

I went to four weddings when I was in high school, and I loved going to them. It gave me a chance to dress up and feel like a grownup (although my idea of dressing up then is horrifying for me to think about now), and it sort of broadened my outlook on what a wedding can be. I also really enjoyed the chance to spend time with my relatives and visit. I think weddings can be just as enjoyable for kids and teens as they are for anyone else.

amblizman

I have to stop knotting before my morning coffee... I thought that said "someone SPAY me."Also, no kids.

missy68

First time I got married, I chose no kids, mainly because I didn't want my cousin to bring his children (I knew he'd have no control over them). He brought them anyway, and I was pretty much right (at least at the reception). We lived, most folks thought they were amusing. The exceptions were my flower girl (her mom was my MOH, dad came as a guest, and they left little brother at home with grandmother, but could have brought him.  Another BM brought her infant son and her mom to watch him, which got my approval - he was breastfeeding.This time, while not specified, kids sure can come. However, I'm not sure parents will want to - we're going to Vegas. My 4 year old nephew is coming; J's 12 year old 2nd cousin is coming. I would welcome them all - but school's also in session. If the parents can entertain the children during the ceremony quietly, they shouldn't be an issue.

ac_in_dc

Good luck with your decision, I think both choices are fine. Because of my age, most of my family and friends already have kids, and I decided to invite my 10 neices and nephews plus friends' kids. We had 22 kids out of 100 guests total. The kids' menus were cheaper, plus they didn't get counted in the bar tab, so it wasn't too bad $$ wise. The reception was from 3-7, which was perfect for kids, then I went and partied with the grownups at a hotel afterwards. My friends & family have told me that the kids LOVED the event. For most of them it was their very first wedding, and supposedly they've been talking & journalling about the experience a lot. One of the little girls there has insisted on making a crown like the flower girls had and has been wearing it around every. single. day. That being said, it was definitely a *very* kid-focused event. I didn't mind, b/c I like kids and I get to party with adults all of the time, but it was a very different reception than an adults-only would have been.  

sarabellam

For me personally, excluding all children under the age of 18 would have meant excluding my own children (NOT an option); my sister would not have come, since there is NO WAY she would fly from Switzerland without her children even if she HAD been able to find a sitter to stay with them for a week; either my brother or SIL would have stayed in TX and not come if I had excluded his children.For us, that was NOT an option. Hate to tell you, but my  decision is only affected by my situation, so what I did has absolutely no bearing on what you should do.

wadingmoose

I'm having kids.  Mainly because I couldn't imagine telling my brother than he and his wife had to drive 8 hours to attend and NOT bring their kids.  Didn't seem right to me.So, I invited kids.   In total, kids amount for 12 people out of the 36 we're inviting.  Or was it 13? 

loletta_tq

I will tell want will happen you if you have that many children at your event . . . EVERYONE WILL LEAVE EARLY. Why?  beacuase children tire out faster and especially on a busy day like a wedding.  Kids get tired parents have to leave saying "Well is past they bedtime and they are cranky so we have to go, thanks for everything." They won't have times for naps, they will find something wrong with the food you have selected, they will put there hands/fingers in your wedding cake, they will run around you and your FI during your first dance, not wash their hands and then touch your white gown, scream becuase they are not getting their way, and the list goes on.  I have been to alot of wedding ans have seen it all.  Maybe your family cares and teaches their children manners, but because of all the crazy things I have seen NO WAY are children comming to my wedding.  This IMHO.

momofayden

What is the venue like?  If everyone we invite brings their kids, we will have about 50 children there.  We are hoping friends choose not to bring their kids to lighten that number a bit but we have a large family with TONS of kids so we don't have the option of adult only reception.  Knowing that, we chose a venue that was kid friendly.  It's a private estate that will get to ourselves, lots of room to run and play outside while the parents dance the night away on the dancefloor.  If we were to have it at a countryclub, hotel, restaurant or the like there is no way we would have allowed kids or so many.   We didn't want to have to keep track of children running around a hotel or golfcourse, etc unsupervised.

smh8809

Personally, we had a wedding with only children over the age of 12.  This excluded my niece who I love dearly, but is only 16-months.  We offered babysitting at an extremely reasonable price with extremely pick-up/drop-off times, certified elementary/pre-school teachers, at a private home with toys/videos/food/etc.There were three reasons why:1) We had an open bar and none of the planners (my      husband and I, my parents, and my in laws) felt it     appropriate to have small children at a bar2) The biggest reason why we made this decision Some of     the younger cousins are very poorly behaved.    Worse, their parents do nothing.  Just before the     wedding at a family party one of the younger cousins      was running around hitting people and slamming other     small children into walls/windows.  His parents didn't     do a darn thing.  I refuse to babysit people's kids at my     own wedding and do now want other guests to be     worried about getting hurt by an out-of-control child    with no supervision.3) Small children are cute, yes.  My niece is adorable.     However, at 16-months she only has a limited attention    span and stamina.  There is a point where small children    are no longer cute, but bored and like kids do, they cry,    get into mischief, or are obnoxious.  They're kids, it's    to a degree how they should act at their developmental     stage.Yes, some people were crabby about our decision and chose not to come.  Some people were even quite rude and sent us nasty messages on their RSVP cards (despite having know the age cut-off for 11 months) and some waited until three days before the wedding to back out saying they don't feel comfortable without their kids (that irritated me the most).  However, people made their choices and we all moved on.  Am I glad we made the decision we did.  For all of the above reasons, yes. 

kebmtm071605

20 kids running around at a night reception seems like chaos to me.  Young kids will have bedtimes that fall sometime during your reception.  Either you will have cranky, whiny children at your wedding or you will have parents leaving early.I vote 'no kids'.  Possibly make exceptions for breastfed infants though.

ac_in_dc

Kids get tired parents have to leave saying "Well is past they bedtime"they will find something wrong with the food you have selected, they will put there hands/fingers in your wedding cake, they will run around you and your FI during your first dance, not wash their hands and then touch your white gown, scream becuase they are not getting their way, OK, I had kids of all ages at my wedding and *none of this* happened. Granted, the reception ended at 7 PM, but since it was only a 4-hour reception, only 4 people left before the last dance. There *were* a lot of kids running around during the dancing, but most of them were actually dancing. Probably because I told them to.No one f*cked up my cake or my dress.

jenicherie

The one wedding detail I had pre-planned for years was this very issue. I wanted no children at the reception - until I met my fiance who has a son. We decided we would have more fun with all the kids running around, however we did keep our decision in mind while editing the guest list.* We eliminated quite a bit of his extended family because A. we knew they would attend and B. they're not known for their well-behaved children. My only family with ill-monitored kids are too far away geographically to attend. This made the difference for us.

erinrc1

We're limiting our kid guests to two categories of kids: 1) nieces and nephews and 2) kids of anyone in the bridal party.  That helps -- but I see your conundrum, which is that you have a bunch of cousins who are kids. If I were in your shoes, I might consider going without kids, and not because they're not wonderful, lovely children.  (It sounds like you really enjoy them.)  But my reasoning would be this: many adults look forward to weddings because it's like a date night.  They can be kid-less for one rare evening, enjoy some drinks, dance.... Heck, that happens once in a blue moon!  For those folks, including lots of kids (20 to 25, in your case, or nearly 1/6th of your total list) could change all that significantly.  They'll still have a nice time, but the event might lose some of its luster.Just a thought.  If you had a way to pare the kids' list down, that'd be one thing.  But I get the sense that you're in an "all or nothing" situation.  Whatever you do, you will do it for the right reasons, and you'll be really happy you did.

shortkake

I say no kids. We were originally only going to invite ur nieces and nephews but only my brother will be bringing my niece because they're coming up from Texas. The others will be going home after cocktail hour. ( That was a decision on their parents parts they want to enjoy themselves) No one has had a problem with my decision. I love kids, but I also find them annoying at a wedding!

brooklynglitter

I'm going with the NO Kids at my wedding in November. I have none, and didn't want to bother with a kid menu and the noise level of my friends kids. They are adorable but kids are not interested in weddings, they are not meaning full to them unless you put the kids in the bridal party. I am also having a night wedding, open bar, and thought it would be nice to have an adult night where I could hang out with my friends and family and even give them a night away from their kids where they can get dressed up have some drinks dance and not worry about what little Katie is going to eat and where she ran off to.

geegayle

I'm inviting kids, but ONLY because my two of my new SILs and another dear friend will not be able to attend unless they can bring kids. Since we're having a New Year's Eve wedding, I anticipate most others will not bring them. We're getting married in a tent in our backyard, so I'm putting the kids' table inside with the oldest ones as "hall monitors" and I may hire a sitter for the evening as well. I'll have a movie on the big screen and "fun" food for them. I'm even making special favors for them. Truly, I have no heartfelt desire for the kids to be there, but I love my friends and future in-laws too much to not have them there, so...kids. And I think it will be worth any headache or hassle it brings.

nic3496

I would consider the behavior factor. Are they generally well behaved kids? Or do they all run around like hyenas when they all get together? Because one or the other will GREATLY affect the atmosphere of your wedding. And remember, that sometimes it only take a couple rowdy kids to get all the others riled up. For me, there was one family in particular that caused me not to invite kids. They have about 5 kids that run absolutly wild at all family functions. And after witnessing a centerpiece nearly lit on fire at my friend's wedding because of an unsupervised, sugar-loaded, mischievous kid, I decided I didn't want to deal with that at mine.