Guest List Etiquette

LauraFrank10

Hello ladies, So I'm brand new at this and I don't want to sound terribly ignorant, but I do need help. My fiance and I are getting married next August and both our families are from out of town (his family's in Jersey, mine is in Mexico, and we're both living in Florida). So here's the thing: We're on a very tight budget and since our families are pretty large, our reception is going to have to be family only. The problem is, we're both incredibly involved at our church and in our community and are blessed to have a lot of people that care for us outside our own families. Would it be tacky if we invited our friends to the Ceremony and not the reception? And if we did, does this mean we cannot invite them to the Bridal Shower and Bachelor/Bachelorette parties? I would hate to leave anyone out of the reception, but at this point, we have no choice... Help!!

tlv204

Yes that would be very tacky.  Never invite someone to one and not the other.  And anyone invited to prewedding parties (showers, bachelorette, etc.) must be invited to the entire wedding.  You'll either have to find other ways to cut money or just have a smaller wedding.

Brie2010

Yeah, it's very tacky.Have a small wedding with the people you can afford to pay for.  Don't rule out inexpensive reception ideas like a cake and punch reception, NOT held during a mealtime, or a backyard BBQ.

jagore08

You [b]cannot[/b] invite people only to the ceremony and leave them out of the reception. That is a major no-no. If you want to have everyone at the reception (because you want everyone at the ceremony) look at having an early wedding and a lunch reception. Less alcohol is usually consumed and you can do heavy hor dourves for food. If you are unable to do this then keep it only family for both. As for the showers and bach party, only people invited to the wedding should be invited to those parties. The one exception is if your church wants to throw you a shower, that's ok, but no showers or parties should be expected...[i]ever[/i].

LauraFrank10

Yeah, I know how awful it sounds... but we have people (from the church, for example) who are asking if the ceremony will be open to parishoners. To give more light to my situation, I'm the parish's Cantor. I grew up in this church and they all know me well. I guess I'll have to opt out for some creative ways....

BubbleJ

I think I read a post earlier that that said the people from your church can just come to the ceremony uninvited and you aren't obligated to have them at the reception. Something about a church being public etc. Don't quote me though, just something to look into.

tlv204

Yeah technically if it's a house of worship anyone can come to the ceremony (usually), but it's definitely still not in good taste to specifically invite them to the ceremony and not the reception.  Check with your church to see if this is the case.

banana468

You can say, "The ceremony is at 12:00 on Saturday.  We wish we could have everyone we know there but unfortunately we have to keep the invitations to family-only."This tells them when you're getting married and that they're not going to be physically invited.  Every church ceremony is open to the public but the public does not get invited to attend.   I had a little old lady show up to mine.   According to our church coordinator, that's ALL the woman does on Saturday afternoons!

duckie1905

"Yeah, I know how awful it sounds... but we have people (from the church, for example) who are asking if the ceremony will be open to parishoners. To give more light to my situation, I'm the parish's Cantor. I grew up in this church and they all know me well." Sounds like you are trying to justify being rude. In our church it is required that the ceremony be open to anyone that wants to attend. No one ever does. There is a big difference between having it open to parish members to attend and inviting people to the ceremony with no intention of including them in anything else.

Catwoman708

As others pointed out already, you never, ever invite people to the ceremony or pre-wedding events that are not also invited to the reception. But I do understand about the church members wanting to attend. I'd suggest: 1. Trim the budget somewhere else, such as simplifying the reception, and invite the church members. 2. This is where the "church lady network" comes in. Ask your clergy, his wife (if he has one), or a trusted, and influential person in the church for advice on how to handle inquiries from church members about the ceremony. Maybe they can help you come up with a workable solution, or help spread the word that if they want to attend the ceremony, it will be "unofficial". I was invited to a wedding at our church. I didn't know them very well, but wanted to check out how weddings went in the church (for future reference, when my daughter got married). But I didn't want to "impose" for the reception. I wrote a note with the response card that I would be honored to attend the ceremony, but due to a previous engagement, would be unable to attend the reception, which is where their real cost per guest comes in. It's always possible they will only expect/want to attend the ceremony only, but that's not something you can count on.