What to say to a man in pain?

SarieP

A good friend of mine is in a very unhappy marriage.  He went through cancer treatments a few years back and his wife left him as soon as he started treatments.  She came back and because he believed in his marriage, he allowed her to come back.  They have 2 kids and he told her if she ever tried to leave him, she could, but the kids would stay with him.  Since then, she has been awful to him and is making him incredibly miserable. Of course I only hear his side and I really don't care to meddle.  I just want to be there for my friend.  What can I do? We were emailing this morning and he started to tell me about how things blew up over the weekend and all I said back was (c&p)"Oh no! It seems like it’s pretty much stayed a crap storm at home for you.  I’m sorry. If you feel like venting, I can definitely take the low road and trash talk her with you if you want!" He said he really appreciated it. Is there anything else I can do?

mandapanda78

Not really. By letting him vent and just listening to him, I think you're being a pretty good friend.

salt78

There's really nothing else you can do. Just be there for him when he needs to talk. You'd be surprised at how much just lending an ear will help him out. You are right about it not being a good idea to meddle.

ac_in_dc

he told her if she ever tried to leave him, she could, but the kids would stay with himUm, this is a red flag for me. I don't know that it's correct or morally right for him to say this.But, as PPs said, none of that is your business anyway. You're a good friend for listening to him. Don't make too many judgements on the marriage though (publicly or in your head, if you can help it). In my experience no one really knows the inner workings of a marriage except the couple themselves.

SwedishChick2011

Just leave it open for him to talk to you if he wants (which it sounds like you already did).  Don't get too involved; just be there for him. AC - Yay, you have a ticker up! 

sarabellam

I would advise against trash talking her to him. If they are able to work things out, you may have said some hideous (yet true) things about her that you can never take back. Be there to listen and be a sounding board.

Piper_62

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SarieP

Thanks piper.  That helps.