Potluck tacky?

bajafaith

Hey ladies, I am planning a Spring '10 wedding. I'm getting all kinds of low-budget ideas and last night someone mentioned having a potluck reception (we're doing an informal outdoor ceremony/reception). It was a new idea and one that will save tons of $ but are there 'rules' that would make this improper? Comments? Opinions? Anyoneattended a wedding like this one?

Kati0105

Generally when you host a wedding you are expected to provide food and drinks for the guests.  Since they will likely be paying for travel, hotels, gifts, etc I think it would be a bit much to expect them to also bring food.

lyndausvi

I've heard in some communities it's accepted.   But it would not go over well in my group.

Night_Sprite

Why not do a cake and punch reception?  That way at least they aren't bringing food.

Nebb

Id say no, but it really depends on how big your guest list is. If it is a small intimate family/friends only type of thing, it might be OK. If it is a larger event with (id say) more than 30 people, its just a bad idea and you have no way to ensure all of your guests have enough food.

NotNumbers

I personally find it extremely tacky. That aside, think of the logistics: people are all dolled up in their wedding clothes and have to bring food.  Where are you going to heat/chill everything that needs it?  You don't want to give people food poisoning.  Also, who will be in charge of storing/heating/serving the food?  Most likely your mum and close female family members will end up having to do it, and will then miss a good part of the day.

eastunder1

I think something like this you need to consider your circle and what they are used to.  I've never been to one and think I would completely give one the side eye.  People from more country or rural areas where things are a little more...um....laid back...may be be used to this and not see an issue with it at all.    Know your group.  But strictly from an etiquette point of view, I would consider them bad form.  You don't host a party and then ask ask your guests to bring the dinner. 

NotNumbers

Ditto the pp who suggested cake and punch afternoon reception.  I'd much rather go to one of those than have to bring potluck.

AmoroAgain

My sister did this for her wedding last year and it was an absolute disaster.  Most people had to leave early because there was not enough food for everyone.  Even I had to leave!The other thing to consider above the tackiness of it all, is the possibility of food poisoning, having people keep watch over the food, make sure there's enough, keep it cool, keep it hot- blah blah blah.  All those mundane things that caterers handle.If you want a simple wedding, keep it simple.  If you can't afford food for all, just do a cake and punch reception- but make sure people know that's what they're in for and plan accordingly for the time (not right at lunch or dinner time, for example).  Also, look into local places for catering BBQ- lot's have people have done this with great success and not a lot of expense. 

Brie2010

I wouldn't do it.  There is just such a high potential for disaster it boggles my mind.  What do out of town guests bring?  What if someone gets food poisoning from improperly prepared food?  What if you wind up with 30 desserts and nothing else?The point of a reception is to thank your guests for coming.  It seems counterproductive and rude to ask them to feed themselves.FWIW, I hate potlucks generally.  You never know how sanitary people are in their kitchens.  It icks me out.

ring_pop

I went to a wedding like this (I didn't actually bring food, as I contributed music instead).It really depends on the crowd. It worked for this couple because I think everyone was local (or at least, everyone who brought food) and they just seemed like the kind of family that was happy to do this for them. I'm not certain of any special circumstances that forced them to do this, or if they just wanted to be cheap...I'd start by asking around immediate family, other close relatives, and maybe very close friends if they'd be willing to contribute, making it very clear that you're just gauging their interest rather than forcing them to do it. I definitely wouldn't ask anyone who has to come from OOT.Also, make sure you keep the entire wedding pretty low key. People may raise an eyebrow if you skimped on food for them but have an elaborate dress, for example.I would attend a potluck wedding and contribute, but for anything other than very special circumstances, I'd find it pretty inconvenient. If there's any way you can afford to provide the food (even if it means cutting people), do it.

Betsy Boo

We are having a pretty big wedding/reception.. our plan is to have a BBQ with BBQ type sides (potato salad, coleslaw.. etc) My Grandma has offered to make Potato Salad, my brother and his wife Pasta Salad. This will end up saving us hundreds of dollars in the end.. but they are extremely close with me. We are also having a caterer prepare 2 other sides & do all the set-up and tear-down. I don't think I could ask out-of-town guests, or random friends to bring food...

aerinpegadrak

http://offbeatbride.com/2009/06/potluck-wedding-tackyI think this is a pretty good breakdown of the issues behind it.  But for 225 people, it's probably not going to end well.

aerinpegadrak

Oh, and I'll add that we're planning to partially potluck our extremely casual AHR: we'll provide the hamburgers and hot dogs for the barbecue, as well as the desserts, but we'll ask people to bring a side dish to share.  It'll keep costs down, but we can still be sure of having plenty of food.

shanwalk2

you are hosting a party. Don't ask people to cook, bring it, keep it warm, ect. I would rather go to a cake/punch reception than feel obligated to bring a dish. If you're going to host an event - host it. Don't expect your guests to take that part over.

Kristin789

Totally agree with Duckie: Yeah, I would not be attending a wedding in which I was asked to bring my own anything.

ExpatPumpkin

I think that another problem is the sheer amount of people you'll have there... If I bring a dish, it will probably serve 6-8 people. I'm not going to bring an industrial-size vat of whatever... So you'd have a hundred different small dishes. Which means that everyone's eating something different, the good stuff runs out, etc. There will be very few meat dishes, but lots of side dishes, etc. The last people in line will be faced with a table of Jello fruit salads and green bean casserole. And a few leftover chips and celery sticks. Not good...