Bridal Shower Touchy Subject.

vicmo5

Obviously you weren't really looking for advice because you already said your mom wouldn't budge and that the shower was a must.  So I fail to see where the wiggle room was here? And then you wonder why people think you are being whiney and dramatic.

NuggetBrain

*Still wants to know how much your wedding is and how many people you're inviting*

tidetravel

You got good advice; it just wasn't what you wanted to hear.

amethystanima

"Yeah, no kidding. Next time I'll think twice about posting here. I thought this thing was for support, not to get ripped a new one. "Bras are for support. P&E is for getting ripped a new one.**when you look for validation

vicmo5

You got good advice; it just wasn't what you wanted to hear.This. 

humblebtuna

"We don't support terrible ideas." Listen- I already expressed that I agreed 100% that inviting the additions was a mistake. I was asking how to address the situation if my family would not budge. Plain and simple. I told my sister to invite only wedding invited or no shower at all. Trust me- I don't want to look like a gift-grabby bride, nor do I want to tell people that they're not invited. The last thing I want is for people to bring a gift and have to break their heart if they're not invited. It IS rude.

duckie1905

Beachbride-that's why I said that I would decline.  You are of course free to do whatever you want.  I couldn't attend a shower knowing that the guests weren't invited to the wedding.  Despite the fact that I would never see them again I would just feel like too much of a jerk.And, I also wouldn't care if my FMIL was crushed by me saying no.  It isn't an excuse to knowingly participate in something so rude.

salt78

[i]I was asking how to address the situation if my family would not budge. Plain and simple. [/i] And you got excellent advice when people told you to decline. Then you proceeded to say you would die if you didn't get a shower.

NuggetBrain

Then stick to your guns.  Tell them if they invite anybody who's not invited to the wedding, you're not going to the shower.  If you've already laid that down for them you can't really go back on it unless you want them to continue to run rampant over your wedding.  As it is now, I really think it would be better for you not to have a shower at all.  If you really think your mom and sister are still going to go ahead this whole thing, I think that you're going to have to decide if its more important to have the shower, or to offend people. 

cdeshane

And you got excellent advice when people told you to decline. Then you proceeded to say you would die if you didn't get a shower. This is why you are being flamed. Not because you asked what to do. It was because you whined and cried because you felt cheated out of a big shower, where you got showered with love and cheesy games.

mandysmear

I don't care if someone told me gifts weren't expected, I'd never go to a shower without a gift.  That said, I'd never go to a shower when I wasn't invited to the wedding.  Methinks tuna wants all the people at the shower so it can be bigger and she can get more gifts, but was looking for us to say, "yeah well no big deal... it's not your fault.  it's your mom and sister's."How can you not dictate what they do?!  I would just say fuuck it and cance/refuse the shower if they insisted on being rude, inconsiderate, tacky biitches.  No way would I go to an event in my honour under those circumstances.

humblebtuna

Its true- I want the shower, but you all have made me see that if they refuse to budge, I may have to stop it all together. I'm going to stick to my guns and fight them all the way.

NuggetBrain

Good for you.  There's nothing wrong with wanting a shower.  There is something wrong with wanting a shower so bad you're willing to break all rules of etiquette to get it.

humblebtuna

"Methinks tuna wants all the people at the shower so it can be bigger and she can get more gifts, but was looking for us to say, "yeah well no big deal... it's not your fault. it's your mom and sister's."" WRONG. I told my sister and mother already that I thought they were being excessive. I wanted a small get-together, but so far- they did what they wanted anyway. I honestly do not care about gifts. They seem to think that if we don't invite these extra people, they will feel left out. I think they don't want to be the rude ones.

Kati0105

They seem to think that if we don't invite these extra people, they will feel left out.You should remind your mom and sister that showers are really not that fun.  No one will feel sad that they don't get to play lame games and drop a bunch of cash on gift for you.  HTH!

NuggetBrain

So send them to this thread, or give them a wedding etiquette book, or something.  Seriously, if they're worried about looking bad, maybe showing them what they're doing is far worse than NOT inviting people will open their eyes.

humblebtuna

Yeahhh... My mom just called yelling at me, saying I was rude. She told me to look over my wedding guestlist and add 20 more people, and maybe 10 will show. I said NO, she hung up on me. I swear... they have been a pain in my side the entire step of the way, demanding things of my wedding. Luckily, my FI's fam supports every decision. Ridiculous. Thank god my fam is 5,000 away.

Kati0105

I swear... they have been a pain in my side the entire step of the way, demanding things of my wedding. Luckily, my FI's fam supports every decision. Ridiculous. Thank god my fam is 5,000 away. I'm now thinking you should just call off the wedding and shower altogether and JOP it.

salt78

Wow. She sounds awesome.

tidetravel

Just keep thinking "I live in paradise"  Hawaii has to make everything better.

humblebtuna

"Just keep thinking "I live in paradise" Hawaii has to make everything better. " No kidding. She says that all these people think they're invited. Why... I don't get it... because I never led them to think so, nor did they get a Save the Date. I bet she won't say, "they're having a small wedding, so they can't invite everyone- only close friends and family"

Lauren Exley

Seriously....you were not being blunt or honest to a whiner. OP asked how to fix and you told her she wasn't entitled to a shower and not to be rude.....as if she expressed entitlement or was overtly rude and planning the shower herself. Post what you want but don't try to sugar coat it later.

duckie1905

Okay well thanks for your input, I happen to not agree but am not going to argue with you.

salt78

Oh boy fonfeather is back. Aren't we so lucky!?

ootmother2

perhaps you should check with mrs.ramey2007she had a destination wedding, of sorts