question about absent groomsman in program...

mouse10031978

Hi there- I know this question has been asked before so sorry in advance.  We just found out that FI's brother will be unable to attend the wedding.  He was supposed to be a groomsman.  How can I refer to him in the program?  I still want to recognize his role although he will not be attending....Is this an "honorary groomsman"?  Is there another way to say it?  Help!  TIA

tidetravel

He's a GM even though he cannot attend. Just list him as a groomsman in the program. "Honorary groomsman" really isn't an honor. No one will notice that he's listed in the program but not present at the ceremony.

tidetravel

And, I'm sure you know this, but PLEASE don't replace him.

mmm_080809

One of FI's groomsman ended up unable to make it to our wedding. He was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer weeks before the wedding and couldn't make the trip across country because he was still recovering from surgery. Regardless of whether he was there or not, he's still one of FI's oldest and closest friends, and he was still listed in our programs as a groomsman. Only something like cancer could have kept him from attending our wedding, and we wouldn't imagine "demoting" him over that.

mouse10031978

OK- here are the gory details.  This may help you help me.  FI and brother are like best friends.Lng story short, F's brother got into some legal problems and is actually going through a criminal trial, although most people (and almost all extended family) do not know about it.  He cannot leave the state to come to out wedding.Fi still wants brother to know that he is"part" of the wedding and is important to us.However we do not really want to raise more questions than necessary, as we don't want the "missing" brother/groomsman to become the focus of our wedding.  Any advice as to how to "include" him in the program?  List him as a groomsman?  Not at all?  Make a note of how he could not be here on the back?  We are by no means replacing him.  We started with five groomsmen and four Bridesmaids so now there will be  4 and 4 present, and 1 GM not present.  ???????

Marina007

I still think you should just list him as groomsman. If anyone asks, he was "unfortunately unable to attend". Should keep questions at bay, unless your guests are very nosy. I would think "honorary groomsman" would raise more questions. Alternatively, to eliminate questions altogether (due to the somewhat sensitive reason as to why he can't attend), keep him out of the program, but send him a card/letter saying how much you appreciate him and miss him. Possibly send him a "care package" with a wedding favor, a slice of wedding cake and an escort card? But that might be overkill.

tidetravel

I would think "honorary groomsman" would raise more questions. ^This

mouse10031978

I agree.

danieliza1127

My SIL had her baby a month early, 3 days before the wedding, and couldn't be there.  She was still listed as Bridesmaid in the program.  I would just leave him as Groomsman.  If anyone even notices or asks, you can just explain that your brother couldn't be there.