money as wedding gift....

kbmeow

Before you read I know I suck at writing/ spelling sorry...So I know it is tacky and rude to ask for money as a wedding gift.  I have told FI this many a time and he is saying"  I do not want more crap"  " we have everything we need  we need money for a house. ( I am 36 and he is 34 our wedding is 9/10)I have told him that the way to " spread the word" that we are trying to get a house and could use the help  is to have it word of mouth.  He is trying to convince me to put a insert in the wedding saying we only want money.  I keep saying no.  Then I said well maybe we can do a wedding website and put a poem or something saying " although we do not expect a gift, if you would like to get us something, we are trying to get a house so money would be great"  And then he turns and says " what do you mean we do not expect a gift!   I am shelling out money for these people to eat."  " All the guys at my work say s we should ask for money and to expect gifts" How do I beat some sense into him?   Help!!

tidetravel

[i]How do I beat some sense into him?[/i] Send him here You're right, he's wrong. No poems though - word of mouth.

louisvillebride21

How about a middle ground...places like Lowes and Home Depot have registries. If you register there, you are likely to get gift cards. Unless you're gettinga perfect house, its sure to need some improvement. The gift cards will help with that. Agian, don't ask for anything, but word of mouth works wonders.

saschaduran

We were recently invited to a wedding with a money poem.  It is part of the reason we didn't go.  And if we did go, it made us want to give a gift instead.  You are right, word of mouth is fine.

mocha beans

Was your FI a bridezilla in a previous life?  lolWord of mouth.  Chances are people will know your situation anyway, and will figure out that money is better than things.

aerinpegadrak

What about a small Amazon registry?  You can register for pretty much anything that's sold online through Amazon, so I'm sure you can find some tools or home improvement items that you can use.  If there aren't many registry items, it sends the message that you prefer cash, but you have some options for the people who want to get you something tangible and avoid white elephant gifts.

A-D

My aunt and others had started asking about colours of our house, room themes, etc. I told everyone, politely, "FI and I are registered at _________ and __________. We are planning to relocate shortly after the wedding, so we don't know about colours. Neutrals would be best". So I emailed my wonderful bridal party and relayed the following:If people ask where FI and I are registered or what we would like as a gift, politely as you can, let them know that we are relocating and that giftcards or cash are easiest to take with us and use in our new home. We've had our house for 2 years and don't need anything, really... but $$ and gift cards will come in handy for setting up our new house (painting, decorating, etc). I know it's rude to just lay it out there like that, but I know my BP has tact and will do their best to pass the word on without making any of us look like total a$$es.

megk8oz

Like PPs have said: you're right, he's wrong (. You canNOT under any circumstances directly ask for money and not come off as klassy.I am in a semi-similar situation (FI and I pretty much have no room or need for typical registry items in our tiny abode), and pretty much we're doing the word-of-mouth thing through the relatives, basically explaining *tactfully* "There's no room, we don't need another toaster, but we ARE broke as all hell". We are NOT putting it in writing ANYWHERE, and the only time we directly handle it is when somebody directly asks US.And whether or not you are, you are not supposed to say you expect gifts. Mainly, because you're not really supposed to EXPECT gifts. Also, please note: You are asking Knotties, HE asked "the *guys* at work". Our word is WAY closer to laws than theirs.

kbmeow

I no he is wrong.  But felt the need to be sure.   We livein a 900suare ft 1 bd condo now.  We own but it is sooo upside down.  We do not want gift cards.  No need yet.  we just need a down payment and to make sure we leave here flat on the money.  I am going to register for a few things, knowing that some people will always buy a gift. ( sheets, new towels,etc...)Thank you everyone for the advise