23 days to go and this happens...

cnderella83

So my wedding is in 3 weeks from Saturday! Yea! My mother and I have never been close, but we love each other and have an understanding. When my FI and I became engaged my parents said they would contribute x amount of dollars.We never asked them for a cent, they offered the money as a gift. we told my parents that we wanted a small wedding with about 50-60 people on a Sunday afternoon with a luncheon to follow. This would have fit wonderfully with our budget and just been so "us". After some kicking and screaming literally from my mother the event was changed to a full blown out saturday evening affair. I told my mother flat out that FI could not afford a $30,000 wedding and she said that she and dad would take care of any extra expenses for the recpetion since they were the ones who wanted a bigger reception. This was 6 months ago. Since then FI and I have bought a home and of course budgeting for our mortgage plus our own wedding expenses such as dj, church, flowers, stationary ; ie invites, stamps, honeymoon, favors, attedndant gifts and so forth... This morning... 23 days before, my mother comes to me and says they are only giving us $15,000. 23 days before my wedding and 11 days before we need to pay the caterer. I am beyond upset because FI and just don't have the money. My dad agrees that my mom did agree that they would pay the difference since it is what they wanted. My mother is not budging. Am I really going to have to cut 50 people from my list!!!! Not sure where to go from here...

Nebb

Your mom sucks, sorry.

crfische

Reason 29348723948729384729834729347293874293874298347 why you should pay for your own wedding. ONLY 15,000 dollars is pretty sweet. But I can see how it would have been nice to know that was your budget from the get go.

cnderella83

we had every intention of paying for the wedding ourselves, but they offered the money. We planned with what we had budgeted for and could afford and then my parents wanted to increase the event and offered to pay the difference. Then they changed there minds...

AmoroAgain

If your dad agrees that they said they would pay for it, why doesn't he give you the rest?Your mom sucks. 

crfische

Ya dude. that sucks.

AlexiaANDRobert

If your dad knows what your mom agreed to, why doesn't he have a chat with your mom and get it straightened out? Or why doesn't he pony up the difference?

buttaflai

Can your dad do something about it? That sucks! Can you make any cancellations at this point? flowers/favors/anything?

TheSaltyPeanut

I agree with pps. My mom did the exact same thing! When we first got engaged, she said she would contribute X amount of dollars. Great. That's great. H and I planned and budgeted the entire time like we were paying for the entire thing ourselves. Then after the wedding, mom gave me a check that was not what original x amount was talked about for the past year. This in turn ended with H and I being thrilled because we didn't count on that money. Yikes, good luck on that one!

cnderella83

My dad would give me whatever I want whenever I want it. I just don't want to look like the psoiled brat princess crying to daddy to pay for my wedding. I don't want to use him and play him against my mom like that.

redheadfsu

Sorry... start to cancel anything you can at this time.

cdeshane

Yeah I would have to go back down to the 50-60 people and tell mom she is not one of them. That is messed up. I would do everything on your own from here on out. Do it the way you originally wanted.

danieliza1127

That sucks, hopefully your dad will step up to the plate and do what they promised.If invitations are already out, which I'm assuming they must be, you CAN'T cut the guest list.  You need to look at all of your other vendors and cut them back instead.  Cut back your flowers to just bouquets and bouts for the wedding party, don't do favors, cut back the money you were going to spend on the wedding party, talk to your venue and see if you can change your food or bar selections, if you have a videographer cancel it.

mocha beans

Wow, that's a kick in the nuts. I'm sorry. Can you change the dinner, cut back flowers, reduce photography, stuff like that? I don't usually advocate this, but this one of those sucky situations where putting it on a credit card or trying to get a smallish loan to cover the difference might be your best option. Not that it helps now, but this is why I always tell people not to spend any money until it's actually in their hands.

salt78

Woah that sucks. Is there anywhere else that you could cut costs to make up the difference?

cdeshane

I guess I would have made sure I had money in hand, I forgot you said you were 3 weeks out. I don't think you can cut guests now. Maybe cut down on floral? They said I could change my order at any time without charge. Limo? Are you using a limo? That is not really a necessity it may save you some cost. Do the menu options change in price? If so can you change your menu still?

angiebear11

Yikes! I'm sorry this is happening. Talk to your dad though, like others have suggested, and see if he can do anything. Similar to Salty's story, my dad offered me money for the wedding. He didn't give me a set amount, but he told me he was going to save and then give me the money closer to the wedding. I said thank you, told me didn't have to, but you know what? I'm not expecting a damn thing from him. FI and I are still planning the wedding as if we're paying for everything, and if my dad does actually give me the money, we just going to put it towards a down payment on a house.

SwedishChick2011

Wow, your mom sucks. Maybe you can cut back on the catering portion of it, like just having heavy apps instead of a full meal, wine and beer only instead of full open bar, etc. First you could tell your mom that this is what you'll need to do, and maybe she'll pony up the rest of the cash.

*BeachBride0410*

Yeah I would have to go back down to the 50-60 people and tell mom she is not one of them.3 wks before the wedding, you can't tell people oops sorry I know I invited you, but you can't come now.  I really do not think cutting the list is an option.  I think that dad does need to step up to the plate, you wont look like a spoiled brat IMO.  You had a plan set, when you told your mom, she did not like the Sunday lunch idea.  So she offered to give you X amount of money to have the wedding she would like better.  She needs to own up to the money.

angiebear11

*told him

AmoroAgain

Guys, I don't think hindsight and castigation is going to help her now.  At the end of the day, you need to get them to pony up, or get the money on your own, and tell her she's not welcome at the wedding.

*BeachBride0410*

Amoro, agreed.  With only 3 wks left, I am not sure how much you can cut back on, you committed to things with your vendors and I am sure you have signed contracts. 

J&K10910

Is there a reason they can only give half the money?  Someone get laid off, pay cut, car break down, need a new roof?  I'd talk to your dad.  I know you don't want to seem like a spoiled a brat, but if the money is there and just isn't being offered just because your mom is acting like a brat all of a sudden, asking your dad for some help isn't horrible.  You could even ask for a loan from him, instead of just asking for the money if you feel better about that.  I think sitting down with your parents and telling them exactly what needs to be paid for and showing them you've cut whatever you could and you can't pay for the rest might help, as well.  Good luck.

jajph1974

Your Mom really does suck.I think they only thing you should cut back on are the guests that SHE wanted to invite ... and make her call them.

SwedishChick2011

I agree with PPs that you're going to have to talk to your dad and somehow try to get the money that was promised.

J&K10910

I think they only thing you should cut back on are the guests that SHE wanted to invite ... and make her call them.I think this is not the best idea.  If the lack of forthcoming money is indicative of a deeper issue between mom and OP, mom will likely refuse, or twist it to make OP look bad.  Or, I could see someone truly vindictive SAYING they called everyone, but not doing it, and all the people showing up the day of.

cnderella83

We def. can't cut people. Some of the things we can alter a bit, but some things we just can't. Our venue mandates an open bar for 5 hours at $35 a head. I did not want this. mom wanted this and said don't worry we'll pay for it. so i didn't worry. Now I'm worrying...

NuggetBrain

There is nothing spoiled brat about asking for the money they told you they'd give you up until 3 weeks before the wedding, because they didn't like the wedding you planned on your budget and promised to help you out if you did the one they liked.  Seriously.  Go to your dad, let him give you the money.  Why is this even an issue with him anyways?  Why is he not telling his wife that they need to step up to their obligation and not flake out for no reason?  Does your mom hold the purse strings in the relationship or something, or is there another reason why he's not ignoring her and just giving you the money?I am firmly in the "your mom sucks" camp with this one.

cdeshane

3 wks before the wedding, you can't tell people oops sorry I know I invited you, but you can't come nowI caught that, see my post right after that.

*BeachBride0410*

yeah I think we posted around the same time, sorry about that, wasn't trying to call you out or anything.

mocha beans

You are not being a spoiled brat. This happening a year ago, maybe then, but three weeks is crisis time because now you're locked into contracts and a guest list. Talk to dad, he knows what's going on it sounds like. Borrow money from him if you have to. Cutting the guest list isn't an option, and it sounds like you're going to be hard pressed to do this without his help.