Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

Can I register to have my friends and family pay for my photography?

I know that sometimes people register for honeymoons.  Would it be going too far to register for wedding photography?  I figure you have the pictures forever, so it's a worthwhile contribution.  Plus, my finance and I already live together, so we don't need many things.  I'm just not sure how I would set up the account with the photographer.  Additionally, some of my family are more traditional and I'm afraid I would offend them.  Any thoughts? 
«1

Re: Can I register to have my friends and family pay for my photography?

  • Options
    I think that's really tacky.  Have the wedding you can afford.  Your guests shouldn't have to help you pay for your wedding.If you already know that some of your family may be offended, that should be your answer right there.  Don't do it.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    No. Pay for it yourself. Not as bad as a honeymoon registry, but still pretty bad.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • Options
    No. Pay for your own freaking photographer.
  • Options
    HM registries are usually frowned on here. So I'm imagining this would be too. Honestly, if a friend of mine did this (or asked for cash) I would find it in poor taste.
  • Options
    You're kidding, right?  Yes, completely offensive.  
  • Options
    Lurk first, post second.
    image
  • Options
    I don't think I would feel right asking the guests to contribute to part of the wedding.
  • Options
    I'm absolutely sick of hearing "my fiance and I live together and don't need anything" on these boards. Newsflash: most brides these days live with their fiances for years and already have pots and pans. We get it. Yes this is tacky, yes it would offend people. Surely there are some upgrades you can make. My family is also traditional and if I didn't register for china and nice sheets they would have had a hissy fit. Maybe you can just casually share with your parents or grandparents or those VERY close to you that you need help paying for photography and would love that as a wedding gift.
  • Options
    You can, but it would be utterly tasteless for you to do so.
  • Options
    How long do you think this post will remain? I'm predicting no more than 15 posts before a DD.
  • Options
    You might as well just have them all pay for their own dinner at YOUR party.
  • Options
    I agree, I don't think that HM registries are nearly as tacky as this.  My family is pretty non-traditional and even they would be not happy at the idea of paying for our pictures.
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Options
    I think you should pay for your photog (they are YOUR photo, after all), but you could put an insert in the invite to let people know exactly how much their food costs.  Oh!  Or just charge admission to your wedding!  This way, no one has to worry about bringing a pesky gift, and you don't have to pay for anything!I'm so smrt.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Options
    This is a joke... right? Please tell me you are not real.
    image
  • Options
    I don't get these either, especially since Amazon has wedding registries now.  That's where we're registered.  Honestly, there is nothing being sold anywhere in the wide interwebs that you would like to have?  I mean, hell, we've got a deep fryer, kooky ice cube trays, a fancy coin sorter, and a crapton of DVDs on ours, and we're just warming up.  Nothing says you have to register for the standard stuff.Asking your guests to pay to send you on vacation is bad enough.  Asking them to pay for the wedding itself is pretty appalling.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    I'm sorry, but I don't understand how asking your guests to pay for your DVDs or to spend their money on some random item like ice trays that you really aren't going to use but just think look cool is any worse than asking them to buy you a scuba lesson on your HM.  I'm just saying.  Creating a registry just to have one is a waste of your guests' money.  Don't put random stuff on there that you think looks cool but you know damn well you won't use more than twice.  I'd be pissed if I was a guest and spent money on something like that.  You'd be better off just not having a registry at all.
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Options
    Actually, we will use all that stuff.  We have an extensive DVD library that we watch regularly, and the ice cube trays would replace our boring standard ones and get used daily.  Way to assume you know all about a stranger's lifestyle, though.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    Way to assume you know all about a stranger's lifestyle, though.I still don't see how you think it's okay to rip on people for asking folks to send them swimming with the dolphins, but think its okay to ask people to buy you DVDs.  Either way you're asking your guests to get you stuff you really don't need but find enteainment through. 
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Options
    This is a really bad idea. You will piss a lot of people off.
  • Options
    The point of a registry is so that guests can provide you something tangible that they know you'll want and enjoy.  My main problem with the honeymoon registries (aside from the fact that most of the companies running them are quite sketchy and the couple doesn't get the entire amount) is that it's not something tangible, and for a lot of people, that's important in a gift.  I know I'll enjoy the DVDs on the registry much more than the towels, sheets, and dishes that are on there.A registry doesn't "make" your guests buy anything.  If they don't find anything on there they want to give the couple, they'll give cash or something random.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    Either way, I think yelling at people for having a honeymoon registry while you registered for random stuff that you don't really need just to have a place for your guests to spend their money is running into the hypocritical area.  Either way, you're asking your guests to buy you stuff that you don't need, and that you don't or wouldn't want to spend the money to buy it yourself.  If you don't need anything, don't make your guests spend money.  Tell them that gifts aren't needed.  If they still want to bring something, fine.  But I think creating a registry just to have a registry is wasting your guests' money.  It probably sounds mean and b*tchy and I apologize in advance if it pisses anyone off, but that's just the way I feel about it.
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Options
    Oh, and besides, the DVDs are mainly for the shower anyway, or for the family who will use the registry to shop for Christmas gifts (read: most of them).  We'll have people traveling from all over for it, and FI is the cook in the family, so a movie shower made a hell of a lot more sense than a standard kitchen shower.  We'll probably take most of them off the registry once the shower's over.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    And I also think that the purpose of registries is to tell your guests what you would like for them to buy.  If you want them to buy you something tangible for your wedding you don't need a registry for that, just let them pick their own sh*t out.  You put it on a registry because you want it.  You want them to buy it for you.  Tangible or not, the purpose of a registry is to let people know what you want them to gift you with at the wedding. 
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Options
    How many people really "need" half the stuff that goes on registries?  Especially since the conventional wisdom is to register for better versions of the stuff that you already have if you've already set up house.  Usually if someone needs something that badly, they'll just go out and buy it themselves.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    Now, if the only reason that you HAVE the registry or register for a certain item is just to have something for people to buy, then that is one thing.Registering for a nifty mantle clock that you wouldn't spend your own money due to financial reasons but registering for it because you fall in love with it when you see it is totally different.But see, how is that different than registering for a scuba trip because you wouldn't spend your own money due to financial reasons on it but you love it?  Or a down payment on a house?  Either way you don't need it, you don't have the money for it, it isn't needed, but you want it and love it.  I'm not against registries.  I'm just against people who do the same thing as people are doing with honeymoon or down home payment registries, which is putting stuff on there that you don't want to spend the money on yourself, or you can't spend the money on yourself, but you still really want, and try to justify it by saying that because it's tangible it's somehow better.  It really bothers me for some reason.
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Options
    And yeah, I'm also against people who just put stuff on registries just to have a registry. And that's what it sounds like some people tell folks to do when they say they don't need or want anything. "Well just put some stuff on a registry, find something you like and put it on there." Just don't have a registry then. 
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Options
    Oh! Or just charge admission to your wedding!Awesome, I am going to use this in my siggy.
  • Options
    Stage - Agree 100%. I don't mind buying people quirky ice cube trays, but I find financing their vacation or home purchase not OK. If you can't afford a house or vacation on your own, you don't get to have one, period. I also think helping a couple pay off credit card debt, or save fore retirement is ridiculous. I think asking for cash is incredibly rude, no matter how you word it. The idea of writing my friends a check is so crass. I don't care if they register for bean bags, or DVDs, or fun things - I'd always prefer to go that route.
  • Options
    Like I said, I know some people won't agree with me.  That's just the way I feel. 
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards