Please Help (Long, sorry)

manny&mo

Engaged since Feb 09, but a Bridesmaid in my cousin's (huge) wedding (this Sat 9/17, thank goodness). We initially planned for May 2010, but have yet to plan a single thing. We would like to have a small beach wedding in San Diego, CA (two hours from us). Unsure about the guest list and who would be able to attend, we were thinking maybe a small ceremony, just the two of us. And having a reception closer to home, the next weekend or next day, depending. This is what I would really like, but I think some of our families might be offended that we didn't invite them to the ceremony, most of all our parents. Neither of our parents have been super excited for us to begin with (he was engaged once before, and my mom is busy planning my cousin's wedding). I was thinking we could have the ceremony videotaped and play it for everyone? Please be honest, is this too selfish/ rude of us? 

Stackeye210

It's your day.  Do as you wish.  Would you be opposed to immediate family at the ceremony though?  That's a big thing for a parent to not be able to witness.

AmoroAgain

Please be honest, is this too selfish/ rude of us?Yup.

danieliza1127

I don't think destination weddings are necessarily selfish or rude, but if you already know your parents will be hurt, why would you want to do it?  Isn't it probable that when your cousin's wedding is over this weekend your Mom will want to help you start planning yours?I sense a little jealousy over your cousin's wedding and your mom's involvement...and maybe that she has been the one getting the attention?The thing with destination weddings is that you just have to be okay with the fact that some people won't come or will be hurt that they aren't invited.  If you're okay with that, then so be it, but if you know that will cause a problem for you then don't do a destination wedding.

ring_pop

I'd say yes. You're not even going to give your parents a chance to say that they'd like to attend? How are you assuming that your mom is more excited about your cousin's wedding than yours?

lpstl

I'd consider having immediate family, excluding your parents could be more trouble than it's worth.

Alisha.Roper

Nope It's your Day, and it's your wedding. If your parents will be super offened then invite them.having a reception after so everyone can share your joy is a great idea.

chamrads

I would at least consider having immediate family there.  Even just parents if you want.  And if you "think" some of your family members will be offended...then I think you KNOW they will be.  Do as you wish, but think about thier feelings and decide if it is worth it. 

ffmaid

It is your day and you have the right to do what you want. That said if you were my close family I would be so beyond hurt that you did not love me enough to want me at your wedding. Particularly if you were my child I would take it as a very clear statement that you did not love your family. Yes this sounds dramatic but it is the truth of how I would feel. As a sibling or parent I would not consider it selfish I would consider it a statement that you really did not care at all about your families. Mom is helping with cousins wedding this weekend you are getting married in several months i bet as soon as cousin is married the family focus will shift to your wedding.

[Deleted User]

I would at least invite the parents. My parents would be devasted if they were not invited to my wedding.

aerinpegadrak

When we took the chainsaw to our guest list, the only people left were our wedding party and our immediate family (parents and siblings), i.e. the people who would have literally killed us if they weren't there for it.  Can't you at least invite your parents?

AmoroAgain

Okay, this "It's your day, do what you want." bullschit is pissing me off.  Sure, it's your wedding, but don't use that as an excuse to completely forget your family and friends and give them a slap in the face for all their love and support for you. Weddings are not an excuse to be rude, overly selfish or mean.  That mentality is just plain wrong.

*BeachBride0410*

I understand people saying its your day, do what you want....but are you close with you family at all?  I am extremely close with mine and so is FI.  I would want them to share in our joy.  I know my family would be very hurt that we didnt want them at the ceremony.  Of course again, if you aren't that close with them, I guess no harm no foul.  But I agree with others that your parents should be there.

danieliza1127

I agree with Amoro on the "it's your day" thing.  There's a fine line between it being your day and also taking into consideration the thoughts and feelings of your closest family members and friends.

manny&mo

The problem is that my mom and I have a special relationship and we are not close, I am actually closer to my aunts. But I understand what you're saying, I'm still her child and she'd be hurt. Ok ok I get it. That was horrible of me to not include my mother, so now that that is settled, how about the reception afterwards? Next day, next weekend? Still inconsiderate?

danieliza1127

In that case, sure have a small beach wedding with parents only (or whatever), go out to lunch or dinner with them afterward then have a bigger reception the following weekend or a couple of weeks later and invite everyone you want to invite.

manny&mo

Videotape it and play it for everyone, or is that salt in an open wound?