Third Marriage

apesydaisy

This will be my third (and final) marriage and my fiances second marriage. I have a son who is still in elementary and he has three grown children. What is the etiquitte here? I mean, we don't plan on having a big wedding or anythign like that, but we do want to include our immediate family and our kids.

ring_pop

Etiquette regarding what?

RachNRich

I have a son who is still in elementary and he has three grown children. I'm suffering from a case of the stupids today and read this as you have a son who is elementary (school, I presume) and that said son has three grown children. I was insanely confused.

pumpkinpumpkin

You just hope it's your final marriage. You can't guarantee anything! But I'm with RP, etiquette on what?

apesydaisy

What is the etiquette regarding a wedding...do we just need to go away and elope? Get married in a small backyard wedding? Do we do the formal wedding thing or just small, simple, etc.?

BecW2be

I think a small family destination wedding would be great in this instance. Just please be sure to include your children. My girls just got excluded from their father's wedding last weekend and it SUCKED.

vicmo5

What is the etiquette regarding a wedding...do we just need to go away and elope? Get married in a small backyard wedding? Do we do the formal wedding thing or just small, simple, etc.?Oh boy.  I think you must go away and elope.  Probably immediately.

apesydaisy

Thanks for the advice Bec, sorry your girls were excluded from their dad's wedding. That would suck. I had already planned on having at least my son (as his kids would need to make taht decision on their own). I had thought of destination too, but that can be expensive if we aren't careful and with the remodel of my fiances house, there isn't much money to go around. Thanks again

chamrads

I can't say I know the "etiquitte" here, but I can tell you what I think works... My dad recently re-married, and it was both of thier second.  Basically it was them, me, her son, a very close friend of my dads (he's known us forever) and his wife, and my dads wife's dad, and best friend.  We all went up to Napa, CA (we are from TX) for a long weekend and they got married in the back of a cottege located on a vineyard with just the few of us.  It was perfect and they had all the important people they wanted to be there.  When they came back to TX after the honeymoom, a friend threw them a "reception" party where all the other friends came and they celebrated in a fun, casual environment.  They said it was exactly what they wanted.

pumpkinpumpkin

Honestly, if it was my 3rd wedding...I'd go to the JOP with my son, and my Fi's son and do it that way. Then go get some professional photos of just the two of you, your children, and your new family. I've been invited to someone's 3rd wedding. I didn't go. Because I bought her a gift the first two times...this was her 3rd large, princess wedding.

danieliza1127

I don't think there is any real etiquette here but you might get more insight on the Second Weddings board.  I would think  you would skip the whole white dress and veil, but if you want to have a big wedding and party, you certainly can.  I think like any wedding, you should just plan something that fits your personalities and something where your family and friends would be comfortable.

aerinpegadrak

There aren't really any rules anymore.  As far as grown children, your FI will know the situation there.  My parents both remarried after we were all away from home, and I don't think any of the kids were invited or involved.  There are four of us in four different states, it would have been a logistical nightmare.  My mom eloped on a cruise ship, my dad had a small morning wedding.  We were all totally fine with it.And yeah, saying "final" is a little presumptuous.  I'm sure RetreadBride thought her first marriage would be her only one, until she was widowed at 32.  It happens.

Audrey_03

Perhaps "final" doesn't mean "We'll never get divorced or part EVAR"? Maybe it means "If I end up single again, I'm done with the marriage thing and will live out the rest of my life as a single lady." Why do you care if she wants this to be her final marriage or not? If she came on here and made any references to possible future (subsequent) weddings, you'd be all down her throat for "planning" to have this marriage fail.

cdeshane

I would do what you and fi want. I may make a no gift suggestion, especially if the people that are going to be invited were also at the first couple weddings.

apesydaisy

Ok, for all those posting about me saying FINAL marriage. I do not appreciate the comments since none of you know my situation. But since you all continue to comment on that, I meant final as in I will not be getting married again, regardless of what happens. I am done. Please do not be presumptuous and comment on this, you have no idea what I have been through. This post was about etiquette and ideas for the wedding, not my marriages or anything of that effect. The boards are supposed to be to help each other out in this time in our lives, not be judging each other or making comments such as this.

apesydaisy

Now, for all those who have given me great ideas and support....wholehearted THANK YOU!! I greatly appreciate them! I like the no gift idea, thanks!

carrieoz_76

When my mom got remarried it was her 2nd her husband's 3rd marriage.  She invited her kids - I was in my early 20s and my brother his late teens; he invited his adult daughters.  They also invited a few couples who were close friends of theirs, as well as their immediate family (her brothers and their wives and her parents, his parents and aunt and uncle).  It was in their backyard.  She whore an off-white floor-length dress (sheath - no poof), and he wore a button-up shirt and tan slacks.  She did pretty little centerpieces for the tables in the backyard and served lunch afterwards.  I don't know if they got a lot of presents or not, but it wasn't really about that.Their wedding was really nice and totally appropriate.  If you don't want to do a DW, something along these lines is probably just fine (and quite normal these days, I think).As for adult kids, I suppose it depends on how close you and your FI are to them.  I'm really close to my mom, and would have been offended (a lot) not to be invited.

NuggetBrain

I'm sure RetreadBride thought her first marriage would be her only one, until she was widowed at 32. It happens.What the f*ck would make you bring that up?  Are you planning your wedding with the idea that your fiance might pass early?  Why would you even go there?

cdeshane

I'm sure RetreadBride thought her first marriage would be her only one, until she was widowed at 32. It happens.What the f*ck would make you bring that up? Are you planning your wedding with the idea that your fiance might pass early? Why would you even go there?Not sure but it may be a bad try at saying apesydaisy never said how the first marriages ended. And some of the things said could have been innapropriate if that happens to be the case here.

aerinpegadrak

You can't pick and choose what people will respond to when you post something to a public message board. If you didn't want people commenting on the "final" thing, why bring it up? I don't think anyone ever anticipates getting married again, so it's not like it would have any bearing on your wedding plans. So many people think their situation is rare and unique and special, and so few actually are.

LucyD1029

My aunt eloped to Ireland for her 3rd.  If something like that's not an option, I would go with immediate family, a JOP, and a nice dinner.