Oops. (long vent)

BecW2be

*Back out now if you don't want to read a useless venting post.*I hurt FI's feelings by joking. I told him it was a joke, but I think texts are like message boards. Sarcasm needs a font! We are in the midst of a bed war (I wish that was as dirty as it sounds), in that we both have full bedroom suits that we love and we can't decide which one to keep in our room. Mine is funky, old, painted black, and pretty much awesome. His is cherry, sleigh bed, ordinary and not either of our styles. Anyway, yesterday he texts me that he wants a king size NASA foam mattress or some crap (he was obviously home watching infommercials), and I texted back that neither of us has a king size bed. Then it went something like this: Him: Well you said you wanted a new bedMe: No I didn't. I like my bed. Him: Uhg. I like my bed too. Guess we'll have to compromise. Me: I'm moving me and my kids 73 miles and making over your entire house. AND having your big wedding. What compromise? He didn't respond or answer my calls for the rest of the night. This morning he told me I hurt his feelings. WTF? It was a joke! I even texted about 10 minutes after I sent it that it was a joke. He says he knows it was a joke but it hurt his feelings. I told him thanks for the warning that we are entering a humorless marriage so that I can sharpen my razor and flex my wrist. He didn't get that joke either. HAPPY MONDAY!

danieliza1127

I can kind of see his point.  It's not really a joke when it's obviously true and he could easily see that might be how you really feel. 

ac_in_dc

Ugh, I'm sorry. Seems to me like maybe there was a grain of truth behind your sarcasm, which is why his feelings were hurt?

SwedishChick2011

Maybe he's male PMSing or something.  BTW, I think you had a valid point about how much you've had to compromise.  I mean, the least he could do is give up his dumb bed.

TheSaltyPeanut

I agree: Sarcasm DOES need a font!!!

bbyckes

I have had many of these misunderstandings with FI - where he takes my sarcasm waaaayyy to seriously.  He'll mend Bec.  Sorry that a sucky way to start off the week. If it's any consolation, I totally got the "sharpen my razor and flex my wrist" joke and appreciated the sarcasm.

SarahSmile23

if it makes you feel any better, i posted a vent on my local board about how i HATE it when people always have religious fb statuses about how "blessed" they are, etc. i then signed onto fb to see that one of my local knotties had posted a fb status about how blessed she is 35 mins prior to my vent.foot-in-mouth. i do it all the time! just reassure him that you are excited for the big wedding and can't wait to move in with them.

buttaflai

Those joking points you made came from facts so if I were him, I'd think you were semi-serious even with the "I'm joking" after.BUT I could just be one of those oversensitive broads. Maybe.

BecW2be

No, there is absolutely no truth behind it, and he knows it. He always makes this big, huffy, fake deal about having to drive alllll the way to see me, and then we laugh. He knows even if I wasn't marrying him, I'd be moving to his city with my girls once the oldest one graduates in June. We argued over the guest list last week, and he knows I'm dreading our big wedding, but again we've been picking with each other over it since we argued. I thought I was just being funny, but apparently not. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

RachNRich

Bec, does part of you honestly feel that the move/redecoration/big weddings is a bit overwhelming or compromising-ish? Even a wee bit? If so, maybe he can sense it--and took the joke a bit too seriously. FWIW--King size beds are the way to go. FI and I just got a King bed (we switched from a full to a King)--and at night, we no longer say goodnight, we say goodbye (ha)--it's heaven not being kicked in the middle of the night anymore. You both could get a new bedroom set, and pass down the other full sets to your daughters--and then YaY! everyone gets a new bedroom set!

ac_in_dc

BTW, I think you had a valid point about how much you've had to compromise. I mean, the least he could do is give up his dumb bed.See, I don't agree with this. It's a dangerous game to play tit-for-tat on these things. I could totally see things getting out of hand with DH and I if we did this. He moved from CA to be with me, but on the other hand I'll be following his navy career around for 6 more years at least; he moved in with me, which could be seen as a big compromise on either side depending on your point of view, I'm giving up my name for him, but he's going to work to support the kid we're having, but I'll be giving up my career for a few years...we could drive each other crazy with this stuff.A big sacrifice like the one you're making to move in with him should only be invoked IMO when you're talking about big things in your life (like where to move next if you do, etc). It's a proportionality thing.

cdeshane

Make him go to the matress store and lay on one of the tempurpedic beds. They are really hard. It takes like 10 minutes for it to form to you. He may change his mind after trying one out. I did.

aimerzkd214

I can see how you meant it to be sarcastic, but I can also see how it hurt his feelings, but I am sure everything will work out.

ffmaid

See I kinda get why he is hurt. No part of that text is actually funny or lighthearted it does sound like you are complaining. It is not even funny if you assume sarcasim. Honestly I think you said something mean and then tried to call it funny. I would appologize for being mean even if only fleetingly. I think you do both need to get rid of both beds and start new with a new one that fits both of you

buttaflai

H sometimes doesn't know how to express his "feelings" so when he gets defensive or a little weird about something we've joked about in the past, it's because he has started to feel bad/guilty. You think maybe he was starting to feel guilty about those things and that's why he got a little sensitive about the jokes?

vallyhoo

I don't know you IRL (which is a bummer) but I can see how that is something you would totally say. I have to remind myself sometimes that my super dry sarcasm is lost on many people. I am also not a big text message person, probably for that reason. I think he'll cool down, is there anything else going on that could be adding to his stress-level? Other than your impending nuptials, of course!

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Did you mention to him how it's childish not to answer the phone calls/txts of his future wife because his feelings are hurt, and that maybe the problem could have been solved before going to bed if he'd picked up the phone? That's honestly what would have made me more angry. What if there was an emergency or something? It will all work out, but you're right, sarcasm definitely needs a font

BecW2be

I just randomly pulled things we pick about all the time. The only serious argument we've had is over the 60-turned-180 person guest list, and he knows I'm upset over that. I begged him to just elope, and I've put up with his parents screaming "It's YOUR day! Have whatever you want!" for the past year, and then shooting down every single idea I have and doubling their list. I won't sit around and whine to him about it, but he knows this wedding is not at all what I want or what I would plan. I'm doing it for him and his family. If I can't joke about how ridiculous it all is, then I definitely will get resentful. The only issue I have about his house is the fact that every time I clean one room he destroys it, and he has absolutley not capacity to organize or get rid of stuff. I pick about his mess the way he picks about my OCD. None of these things are issues big enough to argue over, so we pick about them.

[Deleted User]

That sucks. I'm sorry he's upset. I'll stick my tried and true advice: there's no problem that a good old fashioned BJ won't fix.

SwedishChick2011

The only issue I have about his house is the fact that every time I clean one room he destroys it, and he has absolutley not capacity to organize or get rid of stuff. That's my DH.  To a T.