F/U to anxiety post--help please!

kimbini429

Okay so my parents and FI's parents are splitting the cost of the rehearsal dinner.However, FI's parents have taken it upon themselves to pick the menu and creating a seating chart for the RD without talking to my parents.  The menu didn't really bother anyone.  But in the seating chart, FI's parents have sat themselves with my parents.  As you recall, with my mom's dislike for FI's parents + recent hospitalization for bipoloar disorder, I specifically sat them apart at the wedding.  Well, FI's parents think that was inappropriate, as the parents are "supposed to" sit together at the wedding.  So now they have corrected our "mistake" by seating them together at the RD.  FI doesn't want to say anything to his parents because he thinks it will be awkward (ie. it will become obvious that we're trying to keep them apart).  Is there some way we can get them to not sit together?  I suggested telling FIL's that my parents would like to be seated with their out of town guests, or having my parents call FIL's and say that directly.  FI thinks that will still seem "shady."  Sorry for all the quotes.  And TIA.

jessiegirl_98

They are not suppose to sit together.  Also, how formal/big is your RD that you need a seating chart for that as well?  Maybe you can just scrap the seating chart for the RD and get out of it that way.

kmmssg

I guess my question for your FI is who are his parents to dictate where yours will sit when they are all cohosts?  Your parents should sit with whomever they want to.  Your FILS are being a bit controlling here.

J&K10910

Yeah, do you really need a seating chart?  If FI's parents insist on it, I guess I'd go the route of saying your parents really wanted to sit with their out of town guests as they're not sure how much they'll get to see them in the excitement on the wedding day.Otherwise, will it really be that terrible for your mom to sit by the FILs for one dinner? 

ecsmiles

I'd either tell them that you'd personally prefer there be no seating chart, to allow people to mingle and sit with whomever they like, as some out of town family has gone years without being in the same room and it would be nice for people to do as they wish.  Or, I like your idea of having your parents tell them directly that they want to sit with the out of town fam...since they're both hosting that shouldn't seem weird at all

ffmaid

FI needs to tell his parents that controling the menu and seating is a bit much and that although he will allow them to get away with the menu he would prefer open seating at the RD.

kimbini429

JK--under normal circs, no of course not.  But my mom, unfortunately, is not in a very good place right now.  We have to all be very delicate around her, or she totally breaks down and whatnot (they haven't figured out the right balance of meds for her since she got out of the hospital).  FI's dad is totally insensitive, bossy and generally rude, so he's the exact opposite of what she should be around right now.  Literally her doctor's orders.

J&K10910

Oh ok, I can totally understand that.  You should probably have a chat with your FI so he understands how important it is and see if that doesn't help get him on the same page as you.  Then he can approach his parents. 

J&K10910

And, I'm sorry to hear about your mom.  Bipolar is really tough; finding the right meds is never an easy task.  I wish her the best of luck.

kimbini429

Thanks JK

lpstl

Parents aren't required to sit together, I don't know where they got that.I would tell them that your parents have chosen to sit with their oot guests and leave it at that. If they give you any trouble just explain that due to her medical condition it's best that everyone try to be accommodating.

Emeraldeyed315

If I were you I/FI would be honest. I would say that you rmom is going through some intense emotions right now and would do best during a high stress weekend, to sit with the most familiar people to her. Be honest in saying you need her to be comfortable so YOU and FI can enjoy YOUR weekend.

jeannigirl

ditto on the last post. I think that is the best way to approach that I think that your FI needs to be understanding of the situation even if his parents are being controlling he needs to head that off at the pass. I hope that they can understand and be kind and not demand, even if they are paying for the RD does not give them the right to make your mother feel uncomfortable at a very hard time in her life. You need to make that a point that you will not allow that and your parents will sit with their guests.