Reception Time Etiq

nydreamer29

I am new to this, but it seems like there is a LOT of helpful info here!  Here's my BIG question right now that I am getting worried about.  Currently (and this may change) I am getting married in the Catholic church and the only times available are 11 and 2.  My venue for the reception, which is gorgeous and cheap, isn't available until 5 (though we may have to tack on an extra hour for set up).  So, our plan was to go and take pics with the wedding party at another location and then have the reception start at 6.  I was going to put something like "Please join the bride and groom for dancing and light hors d'oeuvres in the evening at 6" With this I was also hoping to accomplish people going out to dinner b/c we are only having appetizers...though it will really be heavy in case people don't get the subtle message.The question is: Is it ok to have a reception that does not immediately follow the ceremony???

lyndausvi

yes it's okay.. Not ideal but okay.That said, I would not eat dinner before 6.

TheSaltyPeanut

Word it in your invitations in a way that would state that a full sit down meal is not following the ceremony. "Cocktails and hordevours to follow... etc"

Golfer'sLady

Personally, I am not a fan of the "gap." It is inconsiderate to guests who got ready and traveled to your ceremony and now have to sit around. If the church times are set, then move the reception to a location that can accommodate a time closer to the ceremony.Also, if your reception is at 6 p.m. you need to serve dinner. Light appetizers won't work if I've been sitting around since 2 p.m.-ish.

TheSaltyPeanut

Reading FAIL: My mind is on other things I agree with pp... it should be fine!

danieliza1127

Well you're running into a couple of problems.  Many people would find it rude and tacky for you to have a 6pm reception and NOT serve dinner.  However, as long as you put "Cocktail Reception" on the invitation, then people will know not to expect dinner and to get it on their own.If you do decide to serve dinner, you have the problem of the gap.  What will people do between 3 and 6 while you and the wedding party take pictures?  In my hometown, the gap is normal and no big deal, but many people here find it really really rude and annoying.Really, for a light cocktail reception like you described, where you are not trying to serve enough to make it like a full meal, the reception shouldn't start that early.  It shouldn't start until 8 or 9pm really.

ffmaid

No it is rude to your guests you need a different venue and to start hosting your guests at 3pm after your 2pm wedding or at 12 following your 11am wedding Actually one thing you could ask your church is if they are ok with a wedding after the 4pm mass at say 5:30 then your reception could start at 6:30 this is what we did

ffmaid

also 6 pm is a meal time and you need to host a meal if folks will be there over a meal time

Pirata13

Not a fan of the gap either. That's a long time and kind of inconsiderate to expect your guests to buy themselves dinner.  Especially if they are travelling any distance, paying hotel, etc. Either serve a full dinner if your reception is at 6, or find a new location where you can have the early ceremony and host a lunch reception, which would be cheaper than dinner anyway.  You could even have a heavy hors d'oeuvres menu for that, just make sure they are indeed heavy.

[Deleted User]

Not a fan of gaps, but it sounds like it's unavoidable in your situation. I do think you need to serve dinner since it is at 6. If I were a guest, I would not eat dinner before 6, so apps would not cut it.

fangsiting

A gap is OK (not ideal) & a cocktail reception is fine.  However, I think it's rude to combine the two, especially when the cocktail reception is at meal time.  It's like hey, thanks for coming to my wedding, take this break to go feed yourself and then come back to party with us.  Either change your reception to a dinner or move the reception to the afternoon. 

dianenjnj

no.since you are offering appetizers and not a dinner i wouldn't have a 6 pm reception.  an evening reception indicates dinner and is more formal.of course, a lot does depend on what is customary in your part of the country...if this is, then go ahead with your plans.  if not, maybe move the wedding to 11 and see if you can do an afternoon reception. 

stillundecided4

I'm getting married in a Catholic Church as well and have the reception gap problem too. I don't see a big problem with it though. Every Catholic wedding I've been to has had the gap and I didn't have a problem with it. It's actually very common in my area. In each case I either went home or to the hotel. And it gives me an excuse to wear two outfits "church appropriate" and "wedding reception" atire. :)Either way, you do need to specify that it is hors d'oeurves on invite. Maybe "join the bride and groom for a cocktail reception at 6"??

pumpkinpumpkin

Yes, it is okay. A lot of people will expect a meal at 6:00 however, maybe have heavier appetizers to please your guests. I would maybe go out for a few drinks and have an appetizer before the reception, but I certainly wouldn't eat a meal between 2 and 6.

Pirata13

I am also getting married in a Catholic church at 2pm. Our reception will be from 4pm-9pm, with dinner served.

danieliza1127

People always say "I would expect a meal" or "I won't eat before 6" but if you put Cocktail Reception on the invitation, they won't expect a meal and they will eat before they come if they know cocktails and light apps won't cut it for them.

ffmaid

Dani- In many cases people will not have looked at invite info for months. Personally if no real foor at a 6pm reception I would be leaving at about 7:30 with other friends to go get dinner.

nydreamer29

Ok, follow up... I really want a dance late into the night kind of reception... so I don't want an afternoon reception at all.  I hate them.  Maybe I move the reception back to 7?  Does that seem more reasonable for the people who had a problem with 6PM?  Changing the venue isn't an option.  That does only leave me with a 4 hour reception and I wanted a longer one than that.

fangsiting

Yeah, I would eat before I came, but it's rude to make your guests feed themselves during a gap.  I'd also be annoyed about eating so early.  Unless the average age of your guests is 75, I'm guessing they don't eat dinner at 4:30 or 5.   

ffmaid

food not foor typo. ut teh point is I woudl go and have apps but I and many others would leave very early in teh reception when I got hungry .

nydreamer29

Oh and there WILL be "real" food.  I am doing heavy hors d'oeuvres for those that don't get the message.  It's beef briscitt, chicken salad, bacon wrapped sirloin, french onion and lobster bisque finger food bowls, crabcakes, plus cheese, fruit, veggie platters.  There will be plenty of food, just not a sit down dinner.

ffmaid

Unless after 8:30 no meal means as a guest I woudl not hang out and dance but leave early Also you can not do that late unless you move your wedding time back which is a matter of the church. I always hate that brides think that Catholic gaps are normal they are very rare in my very Catholic circle and considered a sign that the bride and groom are bad hosts. It usually devolves into the friends hanging out at the local bar complaining about what horrible selfish hosts they are while getting drunk and watching sports

ChiBride82

You are not having a reception you are having a cocktail hour.  IMO if you are only provided drinks and hors d'oeuvres I would just hold right after the ceremony.  Personally as a guest I would not even attend, I would just go out to dinner with my date and not trouble myself with returning back to the "party", especailly if you are having a 3-hour gap.

danieliza1127

It's beef briscitt, chicken salad, bacon wrapped sirloin, french onion and lobster bisque finger food bowls, crabcakes, plus cheese, fruit, veggie platters. There will be plenty of food, just not a sit down dinner.Well that changes things.  You said "light" hors d'oeurves, but these are all pretty heavy.  If it's enough to constitute a full meal, then yes it's perfectly fine.  We had a heavy hors d'oeuvres reception that started at 7:30 and it was great.  Just make sure you have enough food for people to actually feel like they're getting a meal.  And figure out something for people to do during the gap.

stillundecided4

I agree with the night vs. day reception. I too want to be dancing into the night.Your hors d'oerves sound yummy! And it sounds like that will be fine.

dianenjnj

sounds  more like a buffet style dinner...which is fine.  i just wouldn't call it an appetizer and cocktail reception.in any case, i would leave the reception to start at six...you don't need to widen the gap.

nydreamer29

I don't know what else I can do!  I can't change the time with the church and I cannot afford another venue!  Plus we really, really want an hour or two to get wedding pics done at another location... which is another reason for the gap.  We don't live in the same state as the wedding and it's our only opportunity to get some really amazing pictures in VA with our closest friends!

lyndausvi

It really depends on your circle of friends. In my world a 2 pm ceremony would last until 3-3:15.  From 3:30-5:45 we would hit a bar not a restaurant.  We might have a snack, but not a meal.   We would catch a good buzz and then go to your cocktail reception.  Where we would drink even more and munch on some appetizers.  I have no doubt we would party all night.  I just know we would be pretty drunk doing it.

nydreamer29

Gotta say too, sorry this keeps updating before I am done with a reply, that I can't believe so many people wouldn't show up!  I don't care what any of my friends do, I would make it for every part of their reception.  They could have it the next day and I would still be there.  I know wedding planning is hard and things become beyond your control.  Also, I said "light" as in that's what I would put on the invitation, but there will be heavy for those who don't eat. We are spending more money on the drinks and other aspects.  So people have FUN.

nydreamer29

haha, lynd, that sounds like my friends.   More worried about the family though! :-P

lyndausvi

oh.. that would be my family also.