Sticky sitch

Dysfunction_Junction

So I recently became "engaged". As engaged as I can be. Since the laws here don't allow a real marriage between Marcie and I we are having a commitment ceremony. Small, just close friends and family. We don't want gifts. What is the best way to convey this? I don't want to mention anything on the invite (TACKYTACKYTACKY!) But we really, really would prefer to just have the pleasure of people's company, we have everything we need... Thoughts? Ideas?

MissSarah786

Ok, I just have to confirm. It's a same sex wedding, not like a cousin or sibling wedding, right? Just have to check.

banana468

Just don't register and if people ask just say, "Oh you being there is all the gift we could ask for."

MissSarah786

Banana is right.

noelle24

Since it's just close friends and family, I would rely on word of mouth.  Just don't register, and if anyone asks, tell them that you are lucky enough to have everything you need, and will just be happy to see them there.

Dysfunction_Junction

LOL yes same sex... My cousins are not that hot ;)That was what I was thinking... my mother is a PITA though... she'll probably tell people to buy us crap we really don't need... ugh!

lyndausvi

Ditto BananaBut just realize people will still give gifts.  It just what people do, even if told not to.   I admit I would feel like weird not giving a couple a gift.GL

MissSarah786

If I were you and you know mom is going to say to buy something, I would make a small registry somewhere and only mention it to mom. Tim and I registered at Target for movies, board games, and sporting stuff. It was really great. You can register for a few fun things, so that you don't end up with some ugly silver platter that was on clearance with no receipt and you can't return it and hope to be able to regift. Just a thought.

Dysfunction_Junction

LOL!I wonder if we can register at Target for video games and wine?

sarah0725

Ditto all PP.Use Banana's wording, but you will definitely still receive gifts. If I was coming to your wedding, I would give you a gift.Also, I know this is kind of a sensitive issue, but I don't think you need to refer to your relationship in quotations, i.e. "engagement" or "wedding". You are just as legitimate as anybody even if the buttheads in Washington aren't there yet. My best friend is getting married to her female fiancee, and they are having a wedding, even though NJ is going to see it as a civil union.

MissSarah786

Totally! Tim and I bought our friends a gaming ottoman, gaming head phones, and Mt. Dew as a wedding gift - it was so fun to give to them because we knew they'd love it and it was pretty funny.

Dysfunction_Junction

Oh I know... it's my defense mechanism.... HUMOR. We can't get "married" and she's not my "wife" we're just shacking up until the dinosaur generation dies out and they realize that love doesn't see age, gender, race, or religion.

Brie2010

I agree with Sarah--if you know your mom's going to spread the word, do a small registry somewhere or else you'll get a lot of white elephant gifts.  Think really hard about it--what about a towel/sheet upgrade, or random small appliances that would be fun but you don't have (panini press, bread maker, espresso maker, ice cream maker)?  You can also register for some non-traditional stuff--I'm going to register for some decorative stuff for the walls, and we already registered for an air mattress for visitors and a safe.  Even if you do get duplicates, you can donate your old stuff to a charity which is nice anyway.  Local domestic violence shelters and the Ronald McDonald House are always looking for stuff like vacuum cleaners, coffee makers, etc.  You don't have to keep the old stuff--pay it forward!

Dysfunction_Junction

Oh Brie, that is a GREAT idea on the donation. I'll be considering that for sure!

MissSarah786

Did they ever consider passing gay marriage in Conn.? Is there any state right now that allows it? I'm in CA and just appalled over Prop 8. I voted but never thought for a second that it would pass and get rid of gay marriage.

sucrets4

Congrats on your engagement!I agree with Lynda; people will still buy you gifts, so a small registry might be helpful.And ditto to not using your quotes.  Your commitment is real, regardless of the stupid laws.  My bff had a beautiful wedding and she and her wife have an incredibly strong relationship. 

Brie2010

Did they ever consider passing gay marriage in Conn.? Is there any state right now that allows it? Iowa!  Yay!I hate my state too.  Same-sex marriage was made unconstitutional in MO a few years back.  Jerks.

Dysfunction_Junction

Conn is surprisingly uptight... Okay NOT surprisingly lol!I have no problem with Democracy, only when religion invades the vote... because as far as I can remember no one can give me a good reason for a ban on gay marriage that doesn't involve the Bible...

Brie2010

Oh, and I believe civil unions are allowed in CT, just not marriage.  Which is dumb, still, but whatever.  I think in 2010 all the civil unions will turn into marriages--I'm not exactly sure of the logistics of that and how it happened though.  Correct me if I'm wrong.

AmoroAgain

Dys-My bestest cousin and her partner live in Indiana.  I feel really bad that they can't be married in the same way that my FI and I can.  But, it's better for them here than where they got together.  Her partner is Japanese, and they were living there when they met and fell in love.  They moved here because there's a lot of bad stuff that could happen to them in Japan and being lesbian.

MissSarah786

No way - Iowa? Man, CA you really messed up. Sad thing is, I talked to one of Tim's HS students about it and she just said very mater-of-factly that her parents taught her being gay is wrong so she thinks that it is wrong as well. That scares me, that the younger generation isn't going to change too much from their conservative parents. It makes me sad.

Dysfunction_Junction

Civil unions yes... That's another annoying detail... The right wings say "Who cares, you just don't get the word "marriage".As far as our health care benefits and such go we are good to go.

lyndausvi

I really do not get banning same-sex marriages.  Think of all the money that could be made from same-sex marriages?

banana468

Huh?  I thought you CAN get married here in CT.  My understanding is that RI was one of the last hold outs for NE.

sarah0725

Wait a sec... according to Wikipedia same-sex marriage was legalized in Connecticut as of October 2008. Is this wrong?

Dysfunction_Junction

OH Miss Sarah did you see that child on Youtube that was gay bashing? He was about 10 or 11 and just spouting off at the mouth about what his conservative Christian parents told him. I have witnessed this so many times too. I have hope they these adolescents will grow up with more tolerance and understanding. I probably followed my mom's word like Gospel until I was a teen too!

Dysfunction_Junction

We allow "Civil Unions".

banana468

As of next year, Civil Unions will be marriages:Updates to all marriage statutes On April 23, 2009 lawmakers of Connecticut both in the House (vote 100-44) and in the Senate (vote 28-7) agreed to repeal all the old marriage laws and fully replace them with genderless quotes and all references to marriage will be fully gender-neutral. Governor Jodi Rell signed the law. On October 1, 2010, civil unions will cease to be provided and existing civil unions will be automatically converted to marriages. Until then, existing civil unions will be kept and couples may "upgrade" to marriage voluntarily.[13] Same-sex marriages, civil unions and broad domestic partnerships from other jurisdictions will be legally treated as marriages in Connecticut. 

banana468

And I'm truly sorry if I just broke TK!   :-(

MissSarah786

Dys, no I didn't see it. I tried finding it, no luck.

Brie2010

Iowa gets a bad rap, but I lived there during the whole gay marriage thing.  Iowa is sometimes a little backwards on things, but they really have a "nobody's going to force me to marry someone of the same sex, so why not?" attitude.  Interestingly enough, Iowa was one of the first states to abolish slavery and admit women to the practice of law. Even my archaic law professors supported it.  The decision (Varnum v. Brien) is a really great read and the briefs submitted in the case are too.    This one is my favorite: [url]http://tinyurl.com/yjrd9c7[/url]