Junior bridesmaid

ZRex

Does/did anyone have a junior bridesmaid? We're having Fi's 13 year old sister as a jr. bridesmaid and I'm wondering if it's generally accepted that the parents pay for her dress, or should I plan on buying it for her? I'm just thinking that I can see Fi's mom being all, "You should have told me I'd have to pay for her dress and asked me before asking her to be a jr. bridesmaid." For what it's worth, I guess we should have asked her, but we just kind of assumed that we'd have all the siblings involved (one of his other sisters is a BM too, his brother is a gm, and both of my brothers will be ushers). So, I guess what I am asking, convolutedly, is how to broach the topic with FMIL?

gkb0910

We are having FI's niece and nephew, 13 and 15 respectively, stand up for us.  We asked their parents first to see if it would be okay because they would be the ones paying for the dress and tux rental.  We didn't come out and say it, but if other BMs and GM are paying for their clothes, it makes sense that they'd cover the cost for their children. Also, we are not calling them Jr. BM and Jr. GM.  They will have the same "duties" as the older people, so they will be listed as bridesmaid and groomsman, just as our friends and older family members will be.

Kati0105

I can't really imagine that your FMIL will be upset that you asked her daughter to be in the wedding.  We are including my cousin, who will be 15 at the time, and her mother (my aunt) paid for her gown.  Are you picking dresses that are so expensive that this will be an unnecessary burden on your FMIL?  If so, that is something to reconsider for all of the BMs.  If not, I honestly can't imagine it being an issue.

laurenclaire1386

I would think that if BMs have to pay for their dresses that a jr. BM's parents would be responsible for it.  I'm really bad at broaching the subject of money with anyone though, so I'm really not much help.  Just letting you in on my own logic.

TiDa2009

I think that if the other BMs are paying for their own dresses, then, yes, the Junior BM would to, which would mean her parents do.  I would let your FI broach this topic since it's his mother. HTH

ZRex

Definitely not VERY expensive, because most of the BMs are on pretty tight budgets. I'm thinking they will be in the $100 range, maybe a little more if they need alterations. I'm probably overthinking it...FMIL can just be kind of...superior... at times.

ac_in_dc

I had a jr bridesmaid, & yes, the parents are supposed to pay for the dress. Have Fi ask his mom if it's OK for them to buy the dress. If it's not, you can always give her the option of buying a complementary dress elsewhere.  

Kati0105

I'm probably overthinking it...FMIL can just be kind of...superior... at times.I'm going to agree with PP who said that your FI should approach her on this and say something along the lines of "ZRex and I really want little sis to be included in the WP, I just wanted to check with you to make sure you are ok with the price of the BM dress."

kinsey0628

since it sounds like you are thinking you maybe should have checked with the mom first, you could always nip that offense in the bud, and tell FMIL - "i'm so sorry, we didnt' think to ask you first, but we already asked FSIL to be a jr. bm, i hope that is ok with you!"  then she can't really call you out on that, since you already called yourself out.

lyndausvi

We had 7 'junior' attendents.  But we did not call them junior attendents.  They were just attendents.My mom offered to pay for their attire.  All of them are her grandkids and my 2 brothers do not have the money to afford the attire.I think you should consult the parent before asking to make sure they are okay with the expense and in some cases the inconvenience of the kid being in a WP.

ac_in_dc

Yeah, and I asked the parents if it was OK for the kid to be a bridesmaid before I said anything to the kid.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It makes sense that she would. The other BMs pay for their dresses. She'd probably be buying a new dress for the wedding, anyway, and you aren't required to pay for the attire of wedding guests.If it becomes a huge issue, though, I'd pay for it if I were you.

ZRex

Yeah, I guess we definitely should have asked. I think we were so caught up in engagement mania that we didn't even think about it. I think I will do what PP suggested and call myself out for not asking her first, and then say that if the dress is a prob, I would be happy to pay for it myself. Cause I mean, at this point, what is she going to say? "No, I won't pay" and then tell the kid she can't be in the wedding? Not to get all lawyery, but I guess there is now a lack of meaningful choice on her part. UGH! I hate messing up!

lyndausvi

It makes sense that she would. The other BMs pay for their dresses. She'd probably be buying a new dress for the wedding, anyway, and you aren't required to pay for the attire of wedding guestsThe problem is the girl is 13.  I guessing she does not have much of a job right now. Which means mom and dad have to actually pay for the dress.  I would be a little annoyed if someone asked my child to be in a wedding without asking me first.  If asked first I would have the opportunity to say whether or not I could afford them in the wedding.  Asking the child first puts the parent in a bad position.  If they can not afford it they become a douchebag for saying they can't be in the wedding. Or they go broke making everyone happy.

ffmaid

Well since you did not ask her parents first if they were ok with her being a Bm, I think I would ask FMIL if she wants to come along when you go bridesmaid dress shopping with FSIL. Then she could get some say in the attire. I would be prepared to pay but then see if FMIL goes to pay for FSIL's dress.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Right Lynda I meant "she" as the mom. But I get it - the jr. BM didn't really have that much of a stake in saying yes or no. Of course she said yes. And now FMIL is stuck footing the bill. But the past is the past. If my daughter was going to be in my son's wedding, I'd buy her a new dress, BM or not. But I understand it's the principle of the thing.ZRex - if she's the type who will complain about it a LOT and try to get you to pay for it, or hold a grudge, then yeah, pay for it. If she's normal, I'm sure she'll do it.

lyndausvi

good point on FMIL now having a role in the dress selection since she has to pay for the dress.  Of course as her mother she should anyway.  But I can see it being a bigger role if she is coughing up the dough.  

ZRex

Well, I kind of talked to her about the dress style already, becuase we are having them in saris and not dresses. I was telling FMIL that saris can sometimes show a little bit of your midriff and that we could do a different style for her if she thought it was inappropriate, but she said that a sari would be fine.

ZRex

But that's not to say that I would mind her being part of the selection. We're actually going to have them made, so it would be more like approving a picture than actually going shopping. My mom or I will pay the tailor, and then the BMs will just write a check to one of us.

lyndausvi

well that is cool As a non-Indian I have no frame of reference on the price of saris.  If she is also not an Indian I would discus cost limits.

phoeny_moonstar

I have a jr bm and my mother paid for her outfit. I would ask your FMIL "Hey FMIL, I really want FSIL to stand up with me at the wedding. Are you able to afford her outfit or do Fi and I need to pay for it?"