Save the date question

LittleChef

We have a limited amount of people we are allowed to invite to our ceremony so two types of invitations will be sent out. Ceremony and reception invites and reception only invites.  When sending save the dates, do I only send them to ceremony invitees?

tidetravel

How intimate is this "ceremony?" Unless it is immediate family only, it is generally pretty rude to be given a reception only invite.

ootmother2

Have ONE set of invitations only.Having to tier you guestlist is rude unless the ceremony is limited to only very immediate family.  Less than 30

LittleChef

Well, my FI comes from a large family. His immediate family is rather large and is the majority of the guest list for the ceremony anyway.  The spot we are having the ceremony are the ones limiting us...the only people that would have been receiving reception invites (which I've read on many wedding sites, is acceptable.) are friends that know we are limited to how many people we can invite to the ceremony.

tidetravel

Translation: your friends aren't important enough to witness the start of your actual marriage (you know, the important part), but they can come later and bring a gift. May not be your intent, but that is how it will be perceived. Your wedding is more than a year away. Find a ceremony and reception venue that can accomodate your entire guest list. Close friend or no, I would be offended to find out that I didn't "make the cut" for your ceremony.

LittleChef

Both places are already booked. I had to try and start planning early since it is on the other side of the country. They are both places that mean a lot to each of us. I'll just make cuts on the guest list and trim it down a lot. No friends apparently.

irshis20

This is becoming more of a trend lately, and it really bothers me. I went to two "receptions" this summer for people who decided they didn't want to spend the money to have everyone at their wedding - you know, the main event - yet they wanted to celebrate the ceremony with a potluck-type event at their house at a later date. To me, this type of arrangement gives the "reception only" guests the impression that we're second tier. Even worse is when photos of the ceremony we weren't invited to are shared at the "reception."When it comes to a wedding, it really should be all-or-nothing. Have everybody, or have nobody.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yup, guess not. Or else have the ceremony at the reception site.

agirlcalledchuck

you might want to look back a few pages, because i asked a similar question a couple of days ago - im pretty sure youll get the exact same responses as i did, since so far thats the case. when i lived overseas this is something that i found extremely common - in fact, almost every wedding i knew of or was invited to happened this way, and i was never offended by it because i just assumed that it must mean that the ceremony was family only - the ceremony would be smaller (family(and not just immediate family - usually included extended family too) and maybe a handful of closest friends) and then a very large reception would happen an hour or so after the ceremony - when i faced the sort of problem that you are, i thought "ill just do it that way" but i realize that this isn't really the norm in the states, so im trying to work things out to accommodate my situation better. and in an answer to the question you asked, even though it might not be the proper etiquette here, when i would receive a reception only save the date, it would say something like "please save the date for a reception celebrating the marriage of...." and then there was the standard "formal invitation to follow" - but i didnt always get a save the date in these situations....

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

I'm only giving you a pass if you're having a Mormon ceremony in a temple or something and the reception-only guests are not Mormon and therefore not allowed to enter the temple. Otherwise, time for a new venue.

steverani

I wouldn't bother going to a "reception only" wedding...if I am not a good enough friend to be there for the ceremony than I am def not going to spend money or time on you...sorry just how I feel...

noelle24

Ditto pp.  I would decline a reception only invite.  If I'm not important enough to see the ceremony, then I'm not important enough to waste precious time and money on you.

LittleChef

I do get the point everyone. Thanks. I did say both sites are booked and that I was going to trim down the guest list. To agirlcalledchuck, I have also been sent reception only invitations. They were worded with something to the tune of "Please come celebrate the marriage of at their reception.."  I've gone to them, never minded being not invited to the ceremony because they were usually family only ceremonies. Now that people have jumped down my throat though, I see that doing that can be taken the extremely wrong way.

Tequint

I disagree with most posters here. I went to one of my friend's reception-only a couple of months ago. The invite said something along the lines of "Please join us for a reception celebrating the marriage of Kathy and Bill." I never thought twice about it. I knew that the site they picked had very special meaning for the two of them, but could only hold enough people for immediate family. It never once crossed my mind to be offended. If this site means a lot to you, I say go for it. Invite whoever you want to the reception. If they think it's rude, then you don't want them there to celebrate with you anyway.