question re: plus-ones for wedding guests

ms.moneypenny.bond

In terms of our friends in relationships, my fiance and I are inviting both spouses of married couples, both partners of engaged couples, and both partners of couples who are living together. Our remaining friends are either single or in not-very-long-term relationships. We'd love to invite them to bring dates, but our budget won't allow for that unless several invitees decline to attend. So, here is my question. If after we send out our invitations, we receive enough replies from guests not attending to equal the number of single friends, can we then casually invite these friends to bring a date if they like? Or is that in poor taste? I would never do a b-list round of invitations, but I'm not sure if plus-ones for guests who have already been invited fall into the same category. I don't want to be rude and tacky, but I also want as many friends to enjoy the company of a date to the extent our budget will allow. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your advice!

B2BMM

I think it'd be fine.

beatlesgirl25

I had this happen with two weddings of friends. In both cases, the B&G invited then-FI at the last minute because they had space, but he didn't go because a) I had already made hotel reservations w/other guests who were going, and b) he was a bit miffed at this process. On paper, it makes sense and sounds reasonable, especially when explained to us as our friends had done, but in reality FI felt very "b-list." He also was acquainted with my friends and was my FI at the time, so it's a bit different from your situation. My point is, you can do this, but just know it might be experienced this way by some of your friends' S/Os.

Night_Sprite

How would you decide who gets a date first?  I think this sounds very messy. 

ms.moneypenny.bond

First, thanks to all for your thoughts! Beatlesgirl--The whole last-minute logistics thing and potential for feeling b-listed was actually one of my concerns, so I'm glad you raised the issue--now I know I wasn't just being paranoid. Night_Sprite--The way I was seeing it, if we didn't have enough open spots for everyone to invite a date, then we wouldn't extend the offer to anyone--I agree that it would be messy to pick and choose.

redheadfsu

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.I think most people would have already made plans by the time you can add a plus one. This can get way to messy.

Sydney.O.Rutledge

I don't think it's a terrible idea, but I think you should just stick with the original guest list. There are too many opportunities for miscommunication and possible hurt feelings, as well as logistical challenges. I also don't think the opportunity to bring a date after plans have already been made to attend is a big bonus for single guests. The only way my answer would change is if we are talking about one or two single guests who actually RSVP'd yes. If it's three or more, I would leave it alone.

ms.moneypenny.bond

Yeah, I think you girls are right...it has the potential to step on everyone's toes, which I want to avoid at all costs. I think we'll just have to pick one way or the other (w/ or w/out dates) from the get-go and stick with it. Thanks for your help

kebmtm071605

I think it's fine for the truly single guests.  I think it gets very sticky when you start judging how long a relationship needs to be before it is considered serious.IMO, if they're in a relationship (whether it has been 2 months or 2 years), the significant other should be invited.

colinandkellie

For the record, my fiance and I live together. Like you, we are having this same dillemma about cutting down on our guestlist for financial reasons also. It's difficult to choose which +1s should be included and why/why not. Keep in mind, that just because a couple isn't living together doesn't necessarily mean that they're not in a 'serious relationship'. To think otherwise would be excluding them from your guestlist based on their marital status or personal beliefs. Although it is increasingly common these days for serious couples to cohabitate before marriage, not every couple does live together before getting engaged/married. Perhaps you could try to keep that in mind when considering those people who most certainly are a in a "serious relationship" even though they're not co-habiting. I agree that if your guest is married/engaged to/or lives with his/her partner, then you will need to include them. Perhaps your limitation could be anyone who has been in the relationship with the person for greater than a year? Maybe you could include close family only to invite a +1? Maybe only the single people coming who really aren't connected to anyone else but you and/or your groom should have the +1? Good luck!