Wife roles/duties

ann&cesar

Sooo, I was thinking while cooking dinner tonight (and sooles thread earlier) that no matter how far we come, I think there will always be 'wife' and 'husband' type roles. I don't think they will be as extreme as they were in the 1950s or anything like that, but that they will exist in some way shape or form. For instance...in our house at least...remembering birthdays, parties, gift shopping (or any shopping for that matter) is handled by myself. Its my role, I suppose. While FI pays the bills, takes the dog for her walks most of the time, and works much longer hours then I do. (Its what the man does, from his POV). Anyone have thoughts on this? I thought it might be a slightly interesting topic and to see what other woman thought about it.....

Nebb

I deal with the money and shopping, my husband deals with the garbage and dog poop. Sounds like good enough roles to me.

jessiegirl_98

I remember all events (his families bdays, weddings, etc).  I do 99% of the grocery shopping, cleaning, and laundry, although I don't put his laundry away.  I pay all bills, manage all finances, etc (he doesn't even know how much money we have)He does the mopping, sometimes vacuuming, and ALL of the cooking.  He also does all the fixing of things.We split walking the dog.I think it's very fair since he does ALL the cooking ;-)  So, we have some traditional gender roles, but the big switches are him cooking and me managing finances.

kkchisholm

I clean the bathroom, cook chicken, dust, leave my hairdryer out, and manage the money.He vacuums, cooks the steak, throws his socks on the floor and orders take out when its his night to cook and we don't have steak.

Brie2010

We don't have "roles."There are things around the house that have to get done.Some of them I prefer doing, are more traditionally viewed as the woman's role, like cooking and grocery shopping.  Some of them I am just better at, like gift wrapping and ironing, so I do them.Some of them he prefers doing, like maintaining our cars and walking the dogs, and are more traditionally viewed as men's jobs.  Some of them he is just better at, like balancing the budget.We both do things that cross the traditional roles all the time.  He does laundry, I work longer hours. Nothing in our house is a role, they are just things we do for varying reasons.  We don't expect each other to do anything besides communicate about what we would prefer to do and what we're better at doing.  It works for us.

kkchisholm

Oh of course, he fixings everything and everything.I read in one of my many college text books somewhere sometime that at the rate we are going now, its will take 375ish years for men and women to be equal. Dont quote me.

eastunder1

Joking aside, there are certain things each of us does that the other doesn't.  He is in charge of the trash, getting the mail, carrying anything heavy, anything auto related, squishing spiders (i wasnt kidding about that).  I am in charge of the dishwasher, keeping track of what items we need/are out of, decorating decisions, and remembering birthdays.   I don't really think thats a penis/vagina thing though.  I think thats more just us figuring out where we best contribute to the team.  If I hated to clean and he loved it, I wouldn't still do most of it just because I was the one in the skirt.   He does ALL the cooking, which is "traditionally" the womans role. 

tenofcups4me

I dunno... just because you have a fairly traditional breakdown doesn't mean we all do. FWIW, I pay the bills and work much longer hours than Dh usually. He does 90% of the cooking. We each do whatever we do best (or dislike least in the case of most of the cleaning) so we're not stuck in any traditional roles except when that's what really works best for us. While some of my friends follow traditional gender roles in their partnerships, far more of them don't. So, no, I don't agree with your basic premise.

jessiegirl_98

I see what you're saying Brie.  I never really thought of them as roles, but after living together for 5 years, there are patterns we fall into.  Things he likes doing, things I like doing, and then the crappy stuff we split.  I've been out sick for like 3 weeks now and my husband has done everything (even invited my friends over for dinner tonight and did all the cooking/cleaning).  When he works late, I may attempt to cook (although I suck, so I generally order or just make sure there is quick food in  the fridge).  I think the important thing is that both people understand that there has to be flexibility around the roles.

thesuninherhead

Clearly you and your FI maintain some of those traditional gender roles, but that doesn't mean that we all do. Here, my H and I both cook together- and if one of us isn't cooking, it's usually me. I'll do more cleaning, but only because he's doing the cooking. For me, it's about balance, not gender. The shopping is something we do together, writing grocery lists and planning meals is done together, and the disparities we do have (eg. me doing more of our washing or taking care of our taxes) only come about because I have a day off a week and thus I do those things for us while H is working. The only thing that I would say we do which is 'traditional' in the gender role breakdown is the garbage- H usually does that.

jessiegirl_98

BTW, I love that 3 of us so far on here have husbands that do all the cooking. WOO HOO!

mocha beans

I don't consider them "husband and wife" specific roles, more like things we're better at doing than the other.  I cook 99% of the meals, do the laundry (after he turned a white blanket green, he stays away from the washer most of the time), and do the vacuuming.  He takes care of the cars, and the yard, and fixes whatever needs to be fixed around the house.  He actually does better at remembering birthdays than I do, but I'm way better at shopping and errand running than he is.None of those things are something that the other couldn't do if needed.  I can learn how to diagnose and fix car troubles, and he can learn to cook a semi-gourmet meal, if needed.Maybe it's basic skills we learned based on our social and gender roles; makes us more able to learn and understand those things as adults, but it doesn't necessarily make it bad.  Perhaps those roles will change, as we raise our children, and they raise their's.  Perhaps it won't change much, maybe society just functions better if there are certain roles that each gender fulfills (not saying it's the only thing each gender can or should be allowed to do).

BubbleJ

We have a pretty even split in our house.I cook, he does dishesI do the washing, he puts the clothes awayWe both do the cleaning, spliting up the jobs by what we hate doing the most. He cleans up the "presents" that the cats leave, coz I just can't do it.I handle all the money and give him pocket money each week. It seems wrong but if I didn't we wouldn't have any money for food or rent, he would spend it all on himself.

sucrets4

Ditto east.Stereotypes are there for a reason.  They may not all be true, but they originated someplace.

ann&cesar

I didn't mean to say that every home has the same traditional gender based roles in place, because I understand that may not be in the case and that everyone lives differently. I was just trying to get different points of views on it is all.....

Sooles

my household is running pretty much exactly like BubbleJ.

thesuninherhead

Ditto CS that H and I have so much fun together doing all of these things. Even things that are clearly chores are enjoyable when the load is shared. Last time we had a few days at home, we had to clean out the gutters. H held the ladder for me as I climbed up, then brought up beers with him as he got onto the roof. Drinking beers on the roof with my sweetheart- even whilst cleaning leaves out of the gutter- was actually quite fun together.

thesuninherhead

*minus the 'together' at the end of that sentence. My fingers lost touch with my brain for a second there.

aesthyerin

We have pretty much the same rules as a majority of the posts. I do most of the inside cooking, he does all of the grilling. I do most of the dishes, but he will do it sometimes. I pay all of the bills, except for some pots and pans he bought. I do most of the cleaning, except when it's time to use the "big" vacuum, then he does that. When it's big deal grocery shopping we both go, but in between runs I do it. It evens out for the most part because he's so sweet, but sometimes I need to push him to do more.

fangsiting

We both work long hours & we take turns cooking.  I hate cleaning, so he does more of that although we'll probably hire a housekeeper eventually.  We both handle bills.  I do more shopping, except for grocery shopping because he buys food for what he cooks & if he wants to eat meat, he has to buy that himself.  I couldn't be with a guy who thought there were set gender roles.  Except for the baking part, I'd be the worst 50s housewife.   

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In my house that's pretty much the same. I will say that I heard some where that women still perform about 80% of child care duties. No matter how much a man wants to be an equal partner, apparantly there are just some things they don't think about doing. Personally, I find cooking the same way in my house. Thankfully I like to cook, but I find FI will plan one elaborate meal in a whole week and then I get to plan the other 20 or whatever because we have to eat more than once a week. He does dishes for me, though!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Okay, so technically, I cook, clean the cat box, launder the towels, and pick up the house. FI does dishes, gives the cats medicine, takes out the garbage, makes the bed. We both do our own laundry.

sarabellam

Um, no. Right now, I'm the sole breadwinner in my house. My "jobs" are breadwinner, home repair, paying the bills, and splitting time walking the dog. My husband has put himself in charge of meal prep, kitchen cleanup, grocery shopping, laundry, vacuuming, and child pickup from school. We will both be splitting wood this weekend. Are these the "typical" male/female roles? Not hardly.

andyandhillary

We aren't living together but as of now I see it as I do a lot of household work because I like the way I do it best.  I am very picky about cleaning the house.  Hardly anyone does it good enough for me (I'm a freak).  He cooks breakfast, I cook dinner.  He fixes stuff, takes care of cars, keeps the budget, etc.  Yes they are traditional roles overall.  We share dish duty, btw. 

jbwed1

My fi and I have lived together for about 5 years...We sort of 'fell' into our roles around the house...I think we each do what we feel we are best at and what we are comfortable with. I always clean the bathroom..he cleans the kitchen. We both cook equally - We used to cook together all of the time, but I have some special dietary needs now..so often, I cook my meal when I get home..and he cooks his later on in the evening. On the weekends we'll try and find something we can make together. He takes out the trash, kills bugs, addresses any home repairs - I tend to deal with money matters. Right now I make more money than he does, but that has not always been the case. We each contribute equally to the bills we share. I think we equally contribute to the household..but in different ways. We definitely don't have a problem telling the other person when we need help - and neither of us minds chipping in. We do the dishes together every night - out of habit.  haha

amlewis83

FI moved in with my mother and I a few months ago. We are saving to buy a house after we get married. I am what some of my friend call a "girly-girl." FI deals with anything heavy and anything extremely messy. We shop together (because I am teaching him the magic of coupons.) I basicaly do my own laundry and he does his own, but we help each other out with a few items from time to time. I handle the money. I am just a good budgeter, and am a little obsessed with budgeting. FI does dishes more than I do. We both walk the dog. I think as far as the home goes, we are about equal. I do some things, he does other things.            Though, we have decided that may change when we have kids. Till my children hit school age, we, ideally, would like to have me work from home and/or PT. I would def pick up more of the housework at that point.

buttaflai

I cook, load/unload dishwasher, take care of my delicate laundry, remember the events (track the calendar), make appts.He is practically OCD and loves to clean - so he volunteers to do it. He cleans, takes out the garbage, does the yard work, and most of the grocery shopping since it's more convenient for him than me. We had to battle it out to pay the bills since we're both control-freaks. I just let him do it.