Reality check?

mavgirl_73

So here's the long and short of things.....my FSIL (and BM) is a close friend (pre-FI), we went to grad school together. She was married just this past August. I was not her MOH (totally fine with me but did plan and throw her bach party, do all the dress shopping, make stuff for the reception etc while the MOH pretty much just showed up (I live 4 hrs from the former bride and MOH, MOH lives 15 mins). At her bach party she ended the night by crying and saying how much she loved me but was having a hard time with dealing with her brother getting married, having no sibs myself I guess I don't get it but I just let her get it out, she later said everything was fine but hmmm....things have been akward since. Since her wedding has been over she has been very distant, I'm feeling a bit slighted....should I just get over myself or should I head these things off at the pass?......hmmmm I'm so confused.....

wadingmoose

That's just weird.  Was she drunk?

tidetravel

Give her some time.  She's dealing w/ two big life changes right now:  her brother getting married (if that's what is really bothering her) and her own new marriage.  Be prepared, though, that the nature of your friendship may change as her marriage becomes the biggest relationship in her life, (and yours, too, when it occurs).

mavgirl_73

To answer one question, not drunk, totally came out of nowhere. To respond to another, totally fine with life changing, completely expected it. She's not my first friend to marry, and having been married before, I get it. Just feeling like it's sort of ridiculous on my part to continue attempting a friendship which is headed (at least at this point) to a "we get along at christmas and easter cause we're family".....

LauraW313

Give her a call and chat about it. She is probably a bit embarassed and might be thinking that she offended you.  By breaking down about her brother getting married-not sure how close they are-she might be afraid that you would take that as disapproval of your upcoming marriage. Clear the air and let things get back to the way they were before. She may also be embarassed by her behavior-esp if alcohol was involved at the bach party.

scoetto

I'd just get over yourself. Sounds like she was a little drunkypants to me. Just don't act different around her. Maybe she doesn't remember and you're the only one feeling awkward, if that makes sense.

mavgirl_73

Thanks for the constructive advice.

wadingmoose

If she wasn't drunk then I have no idea what she was thinking.Perhaps now she's thinking "OMG what was I thinking! I bet I offended her.  What do I do?  What a stupid thing to say."

wadingmoose

Or she could just be thinking, "Get your hands off my brother, biitch," in which case I'd wonder about their relationship...

mavgirl_73

BTW moose, love your pic, freakin hilarious.

wadingmoose

Thank you.  I aim to make people laugh.

danieliza1127

What kind of relationship do she and her brother have that his getting married would be hard for her?  I don't get that at all, and I have 3 older brothers and an older step-brother.  At any rate, sometimes relationships do cool off.  I don't think there's anything you can "head off" really.  I mean if you make an effort to be friends with her and she seems to be blowing you off or acting strangely, then just back off and give her space.  If it ends up that you just see her at holidays or when his family gets together, so be it.

jilybeans4

That does seem really odd. I guess I can see how a sibling would have trouble with their sibling getting married - under some circumstances. Although I'd never cry about, I'm not thrilled that my sister is going to be gone to Kansas for Thanksgiving with her BF (who will likely be her husband someday). Not because I dont love her BF and support their relationship 100% and logically believe that its good she is going - but because selfishly I want to see her and I'm sad that I won't (we live in different states though). But saying she is having a hard time in general, with no context to it - thats weird. Since she's not going anywhere, she's not just a friend whose relationship is going to cool off - you don't have to be bffs but you need to not be awkward with her. If its bothering you, i'd call her and ask her what is up. I wouldn't even bring up her bachelorette party, but just check in to make sure there isn't something you two need to talk about.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

That's weird. Clearly she likes you, since you were friends. As long as I like my brother's fiancee, I would be ecstatic for him to get married. I don't see what it has to do with her at all.

mavgirl_73

msmerymac: that was my sentiments exactly, *if* I had a sibling as long as I liked their SO I think I'd be happy.....perhaps a phone call is in order...thanks

ac_in_dc

When I was 16 my older sister got married. She was the first one of the five of us kids to do so, and it was a little bit tough on all of us to bring someone new into the family--we were so used to the established order of things. We got used to it, though. Since then the dynamic of bringing new folks on has definitely changed in my family, but I can at least sort of see where she would be weirded out by her brother having a wife, especially if it's one of her best friends. Give her space or talk things out, whatever feels more comfortable to you. But I definitely wouldn't give up on your relationship with her at this point...she's just adjusting.