WWYD? Memory Loss, Long

amethystanima

Short version: I think my mom has early onset alzheimer's disease, and she's in denial.  What can I do?Long version:  My mother is 58 years old and retired and cannot remember anything.  She forgets names, important dates, appointments, plans, conversations we've had, and asks the same questions over and over.  She misplaces things left and right.  It's gotten to the point where if we talk about something and I need her to remember it, I ask her to write it down, and then she loses the note.  This has been getting worse and worse. She also seems to be losing her ability to perform normal tasks properly, like washing dishes or cooking.  I've watched both my grandmothers suffer from Alzheimer's disease, and it is extremely painful.  I've talked to my mom and she is in complete denial. She'll claim we never had the conversation, or say it's because she's stressed out.She finally agreed to go to the doctor (but more as an "I'll show you there's nothing wrong with me!"), and obviously was not honest with him since he didn't do anything about it.  I can't talk to her doctor due to privacy regulations, as far as I know.  So, is there anything I can do?TIA

bbyckes

Sure you can call her doctor.  You can voice concerns, but not solicit information from her doctor.  I say you have definite reasons to be concerned for your mom's health and safety.  Wow, this is an incredibly tough spot to be in, but I really do think you should take some affirmative steps.  I think voicing your concerns to her doctor is step #1.  How do you know she actually went to the doctor?  There's also resources available online I'm sure to aid you as well.

maggyruth

I don't know if there is anything you can do without having your mother declared incompetent.  And that would require documentation from the doctor.Do you think your mother would go to see a doctor with you present?I feel for you...I'm going through something similar, except my  mother is the one who has initiated the testing.  Currently she's at a level where they say she has some cognitive degeneration.  She's 56.  She's WAY different personality-wise than she was when I was growing up.  It's very difficult.Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.

ac_in_dc

Does she live alone? Who is/would be her primary caregiver? Nothing's keeping you from calling her doctor with your concerns. The doctor won't be able to tell you anything, though. I'm also not sure if he/she can act on information you share with them. What kind of doctor did she see? A neurologist? I'd specifically ask her to go to a neurologist. It can be other things besides alzheimer's...medication interactions, stroke, etc. It's important to get these things checked out.  

laurenclaire1386

That's scary.  I'm so sorry.Is your dad in the picture?  He might be able to get through to her about how serious this is and how worried you are.  I think if she hears from someone else, another close relative, that you're really worried about her, maybe that would spur her into being honest with the doc.  This is a tough situation.  Good luck.

ac_in_dc

Oh, and I forgot to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm dealing with something similar with my mom right now.

jasmineh7777

My Mom goes to the dr. with her parents all the time. They are kinda deaf, so if she doesn't go they won't ask the dr. to speak up. She has also talked to their dr. without them their. They both downplay or don't mention their symptoms. Sometimes, it is very important she talk to the dr. For example, the dr. didn't know my Grandmother had quit taking her medication for her blood disorder. Is this legal? I have  no idea, but I would still talk to the dr.

Stackeye210

I think it's definitely worth pushing the issue further.  Alzheimer's can be controlled and even delayed if she starts on medication early enough.  As her daughter you want to be able to look back and know you did what you could.  Is there any other family members you can speak to about helping you with her?

amethystanima

My dad is in the picture and he agrees but he won't stand up to her or go to the doctor with her.  Every time he brings it up (or I bring it up) she snaps at us and says we're picking on her and gets really defensive and angry.  Maybe I should try talking to him when she's not around, but that's difficult since she's retired and he isn't.

kate51485

I lost my grandma to complications of Alzheimer's, so I very much empathize with you.  It is an awful disease.  I wouldn't assume that you can't talk to her doctor -- my mom and her siblings have accompanied their parents to many appointments.  A doctor is there to help.  I would contact them and voice your concerns, and see if you can schedule a family appointment.  If you provide this venue, she may finally feel comfortable admitting that she has been having trouble -- if you're noticing that she can't complete simple tasks, she has to be noticing it too.  Good luck.

Hello Sunshine

I'm going through (somewhat) the same thing with my mom.  Her mom had Alzheimers too, and while her current condition/behaviour is not as extreme as your mom's... I can see it coming, fast. I'm really sorry that you are going through this.  Are there any other family members that you can talk to about it, for advice/support?  I know my local mental health office holds regular Alzheimers support/info groups, and my Dad and I have talked about going to one soon, just the two of us, to get more info so that we are prepared.  While the doctor can't share your mom's medical info with you, he/she can give you advice and be a souding board for what you observe.  I'd give them a call.

tenofcups4me

If I understand correctly, you (or your father) could speak with the doctor if your mother agreed to allow access on her HIPAA forms. It's certainly worth a call to the doctor to see what s/he can discuss. If your mother won't admit there's a problem, the doctor's office also might be able to speak to you in general terms about what your options are, without going into specific details about your mother. In any case, you and your father really need to have a long talk to figure out your next steps.

missy68

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this; it is tough to see loved ones deal with memory issues and the denial that accompanies it. Yes, you can voice your concerns to your mother's doctor, but he/she cannot talk about her care or condition with you unless she's agreed to share that information.  My mom called her parents' doctor all the time because neither of her parents were telling the doctor everything and/or they were downplaying symptoms that were important. Are you local to your mom? Can you go to a doctor's appointment with her?  I've seen some at home tests - drawing type tasks that will help (and you take them in to the doctor for assistance in diagnosing - I think it has to do with task performance), and I agree with a prior poster; a neurologist might be a good referral. What about phrasing it like "I am scared to lose you and want to make sure there isn't something wrong?"Wishing you luck and many good thoughts.

amethystanima

Thanks everyone for the advice and sympathy.  I think I will call her doctor and also try to schedule a time to talk to my dad when she won't be home.  I don't want to see her get any worse.

sarah0725

I think a lot of ladies are giving good advice, but the one thing I would add is that it might be a good idea to start documenting what you are noticing with your mom - when she forgets, what she forgets, how many times you have to tell her things, when you notice she is having trouble with something, etc. If you ever did go to the doctor yourself, you'd then have documentation to show him of the pattern.I'm very sorry that you are going through this.