At Home Receptions (longish)

AdeleDazeem

Okay.  I'm putting it out there because I want some real people responses and not some advice column style ones.  I'm curious to know your opinions.Short version: What are your thoughts on At Home Receptions after destination weddings and do you think it is appropriate to invite people to pre-wedding parties who are only invited to the AHR?Longer Version: My fiance and I have planned a 15 person destination wedding to Bermuda.  We are only inviting parents, siblings and SOs.  We are both very happy with this decision.Other family members are advocating for an AHR.  I'm torn.  It's not like the reception would be for people who were invited to the wedding but couldn't make it.  I just don't want to be rude.  Would you be bothered looking at pictures of your friend/cousin/family's wedding when you know you were never invited to the wedding but invited to celebrate with them?  Would you be upset receiving a shower invitation (should someone throw one for me) when you were only invited to the AHR?I'm perfectly fine going either way on this.  I just need some thoughts so I can discuss with our parents.Thanks!!

sarabellam

AHR? Sure. Bridal shower invitation when I wasn't invited to the wedding? I'd give it the definite side eye and decline that one.

Stackeye210

I think the shower is a sticky situation with an AHR.  If I did a shower in this situation I'd probably only invite people I was very close to, of course that could mean people not invited to the ceremony, but people that you know would like to share in the shower.  I'd probably keep the list small. I've been to an AHR and I didn't feel like I missed out on anything by not seeing the vows.  But it was also nice to share in her day and hear stories about it. 

georgia_bride09

On the one hand, an AHR defeats the purpose of a DW, but on the other hand, it lets you celebrate with a larger group of friends and family. Having said that, if you only want to have one due to pressure from family, then I wouldn't have one. It's your money, not theirs. As for being invited to a shower and only the AHR, I would not be offended. If I knew that the DW was an intimate affair, I'd understand. So basically, if you want one, have one.

dsouldiva

Definite no to Pre-wedding parties for those not invited to the Destination wedding.Would you be bothered looking at pictures of your friend/cousin/family's wedding when you know you were never invited to the wedding but invited to celebrate with them?Yes, I am an adult, I understand it's not possible to invite everyone you know/are friends with to a wedding but I still want to congratulate friends and share in their moment (see their photos, buy them a gift etc)  

jamm2019

I wouldn't do a shower...My friend had a destination wedding in Florida in February.  In June they had a casual BBQ at a beach pavilion.  There was probably about 50 people and it was just lunch, and cocktails, and everyone got to look at her wedding pictures and just chat about the wedding.  It was nice.  I think an at home reception would be fine after the fact.  If people want to bring you a gift they will, but I wouldn't register for anything.

ac_in_dc

I'd decline the shower and go ahead with the AHR. 15 ppl is small enough that hurt feelings should be minimized.

AdeleDazeem

Hmm.. this is why I asked specifically about the shower.  Most advice columns say it is perfectly fine to have a shower with AHR guests.  I was still uncomfortable with the answer so I brought it here.I'm glad to hear that being invited and looking at pictures would be a okay!I appreciate your responses!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd do an AHR like a brunch or BBQ. Something more casual, probably, than a "true" wedding reception might be. Something people can sort of show up at, wish you luck, see some pictures, have a plate of food. But it depends on the couple/family. I agree that it sort of defeats the purpose of a 15 person wedding, though. If you don't want to spend the money on an AHR, you don't NEED to.I wouldn't do a shower, unless it was only people who were invited to the wedding (sisters, in-laws). Otherwise, I would decline.

Calypso1977

i personally think if you make a decision to do a DW, that's it.  DW's are usually done to avoid the costs of a large reception/wedding.  in having an AHR, it completely contradicts teh point of having a DW, since everyone knows the reception is where the big expense is.