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terrible job applications...

My SIL has been applying for jobs lately, and I've been helping her out. She's got a degree but I've been shocked by some of the applications she's sent to me which have included sentences that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. In any case, I've spent hours editing/re-writing her work for her.I helped her with another application yesterday, and happened to glance at her CV which she'd attached. I'd never seen it in full before, but had previously advised her about the type of things she should include. The first thing that struck me (aside from the fact she was using a rather unprofessional email address) was that she'd copied things I'd written into the resume without altering the format, so there were parts there in a different font, font size and colour, that didn't flow with the rest of her writing. I flicked over to her 'skills' list, to find that it included: - In good health (non smoker)- Intelligent I've been here wondering why she hasn't been getting interviews despite all of the fantastic selection criteria documents I've spent hours helping her with... questions answered. I love her, but seriously... she might have well have added to her 'skills' page that she's blonde, skinny and has big boobs. Please normalise this ridiculously poor attempt for me by telling me about bad applications you've come by.

Re: terrible job applications...

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    I once saw a resume that was seven pages long (the guy was still in undergrad) and repeatedly referenced the guy's "miraculous faith in God."  He also listed that he had been an extra in a movie with Geena Davis and a bridal menswear runway model.
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    I work at a university--and we are currently searching for a new faculty member in our department. I'm in charge of gathering the applications and preparing them for the search committee. These people are PhDs--you'd think they could write coherently, and form well thought out sentences, and so on. But no, a lot of what I saw sounds like what you described--different font, failure to place their names on their own CV's. We got 36 applicants. About 5 were even worth looking at.
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    My co-worker decided it would be "cool" to put a page on the front of her resume with nifty clip art of a lady sitting at a desk and word art with a clever name like Terri's Typing Service.Yeah.Ex-H had 12 jobs in the 5 years we were together dating/married.  It took almost 2 pages to list them with the pertinent info. Never mind other information.
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    My friends ex boyfriends CV was half a page written about what he had done. No spacing, no listing duties just"I worked at blah from 2006 until 2008 and I did blah, blah and blah. Then I worked at blah...."And he thought it was an awesome CV worth framing. Also a guy came into my work for an interview and refused to let us run a police check because he said we didn't need to. Ummmm yeah if we don't need to you won't mind us doing one...right?
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    I have no idea if this chick was for real or not, but the last application I got back at the hotel was a girl in the adult film industry, and her skills were dancing, a people-person, and will do what it takes to make the guest happy. My GM was not amused.
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    Photos included with the resumes. One girl had a picture of her and her B/F. And even if it was OK to include photos, that photo still wouldn't have been acceptable.
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    I love when the objective is 'to make money.'
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    Besides all the misspelled ones, the ones that really get me are the people who can't match their case or tense on their list of duties. It makes me batty. Also, it irks me when people try to use big words that they don't know how to use, or construct overly complex sentences that make no sense, just so they have something written on the page. It reminds me of the character on In Living Color that was in jail, and he did an open-access show where he always misued words. I work at a Christian University and I had one girl apply for a job in Student Accounts whose only experience was working at the Tilted Kilt (Highland version of Hooters.. total chain). While I am sure she had customer service skills, I am not sure that she would have projected the most professional appearance when dealing with our students. It was just my gut. There were plenty more well-qualified applicants, so she didn't get the interview.
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    Photos included with the resumes. One girl had a picture of her and her B/F. And even if it was OK to include photos, that photo still wouldn't have been acceptable. When I worked retail in Los Angeles, lots of people would just hand in their head shot resumes as real resumes, with the big photo on the front and their job (acting) experience on the back. It's common, but I think it's odd. I mean, I used to have separate resumes - one for "professional" office-type stuff and one for retail-type stuff. Is it hard?
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    We had an admin position advertised recently which had 160 applicants. Some of the resumes were highly amusing, but mostly from people who'd just finished high school. We had a girl who stated her intent was to get a 'career' job as she'd just got married and needed a career. We had a few of the glamour photo resumes, and one girl with an email address 'chickenshiiiit'. Rather amusing/concerning.
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    Oh yeah - I also had to explain to ex-h that "elvismonroexxx (numbers)" was not an acceptable email address for resumes. He needed to create one that was firstnamelastname. The man was 36+ years old at the time.
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    I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
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    We once had an email come through that was something like "sprsexxaykittin@..." um...no...I also had one applicant who in the interview told me he was allergic to cats, scared of dogs, and didn't know anything about animals. Yeah...you applied for a pet store...where we sell pets...and pet related products...and adopt out cats...
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    I got a resume once for a contractor from India, and it listed 3 or 4 projects with a specific software module.  Interview time, I asked him about what was particularly easy/difficult with this module.  He had never heard of the module.  The contracting company made the whole resume up. 
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    Thesun, slightly off-topic, but I'm going to need to have my resume re-written for the Aussie market. Do you know od any places that do this? If not, what type of cmpany should I be googleing?  
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    I seriously receive some of the worst resumes. There was one with a HUGE photo attached of a girl taken with a webcam in a tanktop with garbage in the background and zits all over her shoulders/chest, one where the woman listed her employment history as Stay at home mom - location: at home, 7 pages of jobs on some, 8 different kinds of fonts on others, one without any contact information, ones with numbers that are out of service... its mindblowing how people think they will find jobs with that crap.
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