Vow Renewals

mac08-12alc

Hi I'm new here and thought I would get some opinions from others. My husband and I ran off to Vegas and got married and I didn't get to have my wedding. I didn't want a big wedding but something with family and friends, the dress, and a party afterwards. My husband just wanted to get married so we did it his way in Vegas. We got married on Leap day so my husband told me that because we got married his way on our 1st anniversary (in 2012) he would agree to renew our vows and have the wedding I wanted. Well my question is do you think it would be okay for me to wear the wedding dress I never got to wear? I bought mine a month before we got married cause we were planning a wedding that year so I never got to wear it it's just sitting there in the closet.

georgia_bride09

Personally, I would find it weird as hell (I would also find it weird to go to a vow renewal for people who had only been married for four years), but you're going to do it anyway, so go ahead. Do you have a pic of the dress?

salt78

I just...I just can't.

trix1223

My husband and I ran off to Vegas and got married and I didn't get to have my wedding.Ummmm-yes you did get to have your wedding.  It was in Vegas.  It was when you said vows to each other and were declared husband and wife and left the room married.Now-you can have your vow renewal.  If you want to wear the dress-knock yourself out.  I wouldn't, but I didn't run off to get married.But please stop saying that you didn't get to have your wedding. 

J&K10910

I super duper promise that I'm not trying to be rude, mean, or snarky, but do you think the dress will even still fit you?  Or that you'll like it then?  I mean, I look back on some of my clothes from a couple years ago and I think "holy crap, what was I THINKING?!  Did I really wear that?!?"  So what I'm trying to say is, maybe you should cross that bridge when you come to it.

nda_roxybabe

You had a wedding. It would be quite odd to wear your wedding dress.

Puppylove*85

As a guest I would find it a little odd that you were trying to recapture the moment of your wedding day four years later.  It makes it seem like the wedding aspect is really important to you and four years later I would expect that you had moved on and would just be enjoying being married.  But if it's important to you, I wouldn't have a problem with celebrating as long as you are honest with your guests.

[Deleted User]

It sounds like you were already planning a large wedding (or atleast a wedding where you would wear a dress). Why did you decide to get married in Vegas?

britne28

Ok, at the risk of getting flamed here, why are people down on vow renewals a certain time after the first set of vows?  I can understand if she had a large wedding and then did it again shortly thereafter.  But if it was just her and her husband then why not have a bash and say the vows again.  Mac, if the dress fits, wear it!  You don't want to get to old age and look back and say shoulda, woulda, coulda. 

J&K10910

Britne, a lot of people find vow renewals meaningless that early in the marriage.  Like, they should be saved for when vows need renewing--after a bad rough patch, when they're been together for thousands of years.  The point is, if you made a choice to do it the JOP way, that IS your wedding, and people who say "I didn't have a wedding" sound silly, because of course you did.  You just didn't have have the huge unnecessary party to go with it. 

trix1223

IMO, because vow renewals don't really mean anything.  I've been married a long time.  I meant the vows when I said them, as did my DH.  I don't see any need to "renew" them-it's not like they run out and need to be renewed like my car registration does.I know people like to have vow renewals.  I'm a church organist.  I've played for them.  I just find them AW-ish and not at all necessary.Have a fabulous anniversary party.  Make it as lavish as you want.  But renewing your vows?  Why?

Calypso1977

you should have thought of this before you agreed to run off to vegas. and dont tell me it was becuase of money, because many of us on here got to wear the dress and dine with friends and family for very little money.

scoetto

Go for it. I don't see a problem with it. But I did something similar. My parents were happy that J & I got married but they were also bummed they missed out on the day. So we renewed our vows 11 mos later. We paid for everything, I wore the dress I would've worn had we not eloped, and it was nice to have a small gathering of 50 family & friends celebrating our love.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

My main concern is that you had already spent money and were planning a small, more traditional wedding and your husband instead decided to get married in Vegas and got you to go along with it. Why? Were you drunk? It sounds like you have regrets, which is not cool on his part. And makes it sound like you need to stand up for yourself more.As for vow renewals, I know Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton used to renew their vows, like, every 4 days or so. Which is hilarious because they divorced after less than 2 years.

missy68

Why, why, WHY do people alway think if you go to Las Vegas you can't have a regular wedding with a dress, etc?

scoetto

As for vow renewals, I know Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton used to renew their vows, like, every 4 days or so. Which is hilarious because they divorced after less than 2 years.Wow. That's nice. So DH & I will divorce next year?

Kati0105

Wow. That's nice. So DH & I will divorce next year?Only if you also wear each other's blood in vials around your neck

scoetto

OMG Kati! Why didn't I think of that!!?!?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Nope, I'm just saying vow renewal does not equal a better marriage.

scoetto

Did somebody say it did? Did I miss something?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

That's what THEY thought, at least in the article I read about it, oh, 6+ years ago now. They needed to remind themselves of what they said, apparently. I mentioned it because what Trix said reminded me of that:IMO, because vow renewals don't really mean anything. I've been married a long time. I meant the vows when I said them, as did my DH. Really, I know you had a vow renewal. I think yours looked awesome, but it just wouldn't be my choice. That's all.

scoetto

Ah I gotchya. I didn't read that article on them so I had no clue what you were talking about!DH & I definitely didn't need to redo our vows because they didn't mean anything the first time. The second time was a little more special because my uncle officiated, our family and friends were present, and we were able to share it with everyone. I did get emotional both times, however.No worries. I was just confused.

mac08-12alc

I never said I didn't have a wedding I said I didn't get to have MY wedding. We are having a vow renewal back in Vegas with or without the dress I just wanted to know if I should wear the dress. A lot of you are very negative about renewals. Why a renewal so soon well we had a lot of people thinking we weren't going to make it to our first anniversary. So it's our way to say HA we made it and we're still in love after all this time. We are happily married that might be why we what to renew our vows to not only show to other but each other we're still happy and in love with each other. Plus mine nor his family got to be there and they all like the idea of getting together for this. And to the one person that said my husband was selfish for the every four year anniversary well he's not selfish it was my idea for the leap day wedding. I told him if we're doing Vegas then we're doing it on leap day. And even thought we didn't officially have a anniversary this year he still did something very special and got me a nice ring. I’m kind of sorry for coming here for advice on a dress cause all I got was put down for wanting to renew my vows with my husband.

missy68

Mac, I wasn't being rude; why didn't you take your dress to Las Vegas and have a wedding out there?  That was my point. I was asking a question - I should have worded better.Everyone thinks if you go out there, its just a JoP-type wedding, and that just isn't the case.

scoetto

If the dress fits, wear it! People here have very different views on vow renewals. I think it's sweet you want to do it and you should do it. So do it

J&K10910

Not everyone was "mean."  I think you got some really great advice.  You asked a question (do we think it would be okay for you to wear the wedding dress you never got to wear?) and you got people's answers.  Some said yes, some said no, I said it's too soon to have to make that decision.  I hope you at least picked out the good advice that you got here and didn't ignore because you got some less than favorable responses.

mac08-12alc

Well we were still going to have the wedding we were planning for later that year but things came up and we ended having to move to another state (nearly 2000 mile away) so that wedding got cancelled. If I knew I wouldn’t of had that wedding I would of worn it. He came up with the whole vow renewal when we had to move to make it up to me. One of the reasons I love him cause he will do anything even a stuipd vow real to make me happy.

scoetto

I don't think a vow renewal is stupid. Who cares what your reasons are (meaning - you don't have to validate yourself on the internet to strangers). I was very skeptical of having one at first but you know what? We wanted to and I'm so glad we did. I will never forget my wedding day and I will never forget my vow renewal day.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

So it's our way to say HA we made it and we're still in love after all this time.I don't have an issue with vow renewals but this seems like an immature reason to have one.  If you're having a vow renewal to celebrate your continued love with your family and friends, fine.  But to have one to say "HA, we were right and you were wrong!" seems incredibly childish.

missy68

Oh, ok - I understand. I do agree with pp in that I think it's a little early to make a decision about wearing the dress at this point; but I get the reasoning - you've already got it; it's probably something you'd fallen it love with and obviously paid for.