Wedding Etiquette Forum
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What do I say?

I have a friend who I wasn't going to invite to the wedding (which I haven't told her because that's awkward).  Mainly because the guest list is limited and we aren't close.  She's been asking my MOH if she is invited to the bridal shower and recently asked me (on facebook) if she is invited to the bachelorette party.  As far as I remember, you only invite people that are invited to the wedding to these events.  So I wasn't going to invite her.  But now she is inviting herself.  What do I do in this situation? 

Re: What do I say?

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    Just say no. She needs to learn to not be so pushy.
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    I'd probably just ignore the message.  But that's probably the wrong thing to do, so don't listen to me.
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    I think I would also ignore the FB message.
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    Just let her know that you're having a small number and unfortunately you weren't able to invite everyone you wanted to. And be prepared that you might end your friendship with that statement because if she's the kind of person I imagine, she will get really upset and not want to be your friend. If she actually completely understands, then you have nothing to worry about. Good luck!
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    Ditto Sco - tell her that do to capacity/budget restraints, that you were not able to invite everyone that you would have liked to the wedding.
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    Ugh way awkward. Maybe you could ask your MOH to let her know shes not invited. I think if you ignore her she might try other ways....
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    Yeah it's just such a sticky situation.  I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks it's awkward.  Part of me just wants to say ok and invite her to the wedding.  Problem with that is that we aren't inviting friend's children and she has 2.  And she is the type of person to ignore that and to bring them anyway.  She did that to my MOH recently at her baby shower.  And if I don't invite her I basically say "I'm sorry our guest list was really limited and we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted due to the size of our families.  I didn't want to invite you to an event that celebrates the wedding because you're not invited." ? I mean it just sounds bad to me.  Or "etiquette says you're not supposed to invite people to the shower/bach party if they are not invited to the wedding"  What if she really honestly only wanted to go to the shower and party?  Ugh.I feel like the easy way out is just to add her to guest list.  Sad part is I can't say "our guest list is small" because it is at 230 - due to the fact that FI's family is GINORMOUS.
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    If I were in that situation, I'd would just let the MOH handle it. After all, she is organizing the shower and b-party, right?
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    Yeah but that's family. This is someone that you aren't close with. Invite her only if you really want her to be there, but don't feel like you have to be bullied into it.
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    You don't have to say that the guest list is small.  Just say that you have finalized the guest list and due to capacity restraints, you cannot accomodate any guests.  As far as the showers/b-parties, if you make it clear that she's not invited to the wedding, and she STILL pressures you to be a part of the pre-wedding celebrations, then I would just allow her to come to those events.
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    Just say she's not invited. I have a semi-friend that acted that way before we pushed the date back, so even took off work for it before receiving any type of invite.I've found this happens because 95% of the girls that I graduated from high school with invites every girl we graduated with, regardless of current friend status. I've been invited to four weddings lately, and I couldn't even tell you their FI's names. It's odd to me.
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    I had to use the "we couldn't invite everyone on our dream guest list due to restraints," on my cousin. I think she's still not talking to me. I don't particularly care. If you're not that close to this chick, do you care that much?
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    She can't invite herself to these events. This is one of those situations where a backbone is in order. I suggest you find yours and use it.
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