*Vent* So angry!

andyandhillary

Ok.  I really can't argue with that. 

tidetravel

As far as the guest count and alcohol issues, I would suggest finding out your options from your venue first.  This far out, decide how many people you can cover with whatever budget you have for alcohol.  From there, determine a guest list.  Split the guest list 3 ways - your parents, his parents, and your people.  Give everyone a set number of invites.  If parents want to add more, tell them that is what you have budgeted for.

squirrly

I still wouldn't tell your mother about your FILs contributions.  It's really none of their business what your FILs spend their money on.

Kristin789

Ditto this: And it sounds like your reception coordinator sucks. I'd be more worried about finding another venue or a different coordinator than I would about who is paying for your bar.And in the future, don't count chickens until the contract is signed by whoever is going to pay.  If your parents are paying for the food but not the bar, then your parents sign the food contract, and someone else (you?  FI's parents?) sign the beverage portion.  Too many brides get "screwed" because they or their parents pay the whole amount, and expect that other people will "pay them back" for some part of that amount.   That's not even good business sense.I have a friend who had each vendor draw up TWO identical contracts:  one to be signed by her biodad and stepmom, and one to be signed by her biomom and stepdad.  There.  Totally clear who's paying for what.  And if somebody doesn't pay, the other couple isn't responsible for paying more than they signed up to pay.

Anon I. Mouse

1. Don't blame others for steamrolling you. At the end of the day, you are  big girl and need to put on your own big girl panties and if you make a choice to be steamrolled by someone, then so be it and deal with the consequences of that.2. Just because someone (i.e. the parents) have money and are well-off, does not mean that you have the rights to their cash. Yes, they offered to pay. Yes, they may have lessened up on that offer a bit. However, it is their money. I don't care if they have billions, they do not HAVE to spend it on your wedding. It is THEIR money. Not yours. I have never quite understood this idea of entitlement to other people's money, but there you go. Until they have put it in your hands, it is THEIRS. You did not sign a contract with them. They made an offer, and then realized how much that offer was costing them and eased up. They even offered to pay for something else instead - wow!3. You are in a position better than most brides I know, in that a significant portion (or any portion) of your wedding IS being paid for by others. FI and I are definitely not in that position (we are paying for our own) and we are choosing to have the wedding we want AND can afford. If that means we can't afford, say, a clown to play a piccolo, then we will not have a clown to play a piccolo. However if we REALLY want that clown to play a piccolo, we will cut somewhere else...or we would save a bit more before the wedding.Fortunately we do not want a clown to play a piccolo at our wedding, but the point is, you spend what you can afford and what is in your budget. I will say that knowing it is OUR money certainly means we have learned what is really important and necessary for us, and what isn't.4. As others mentioned - do NOT discuss your financial arrangements with other parties, with other parties! You do NOT NOT NOT have to tell your mother your FFILs arrangements with you, and I would say it would be in horribly poor taste and very disrespectful to do so anyway. It is NOT her business what you have agreed to with him.

casso004

Please be careful not to come across as ingrateful to your FILs. Mine aren't able to contribute anything, which is fine and I never expected them to. Yours are willing to pay the whole bill for your photographer and the difference in the bar expense. That's awesome. You should consider yourself lucky that they are paying anything at all because they don't have to. Yeah, it sucks that they changed their mind, but this isn't the day before the wedding. You still have several months to figure out bar arrangements that work for you and your FI. Dwell on being thankful for what people are doing for you, not what they aren't.

casso004

*ungrateful*, damn I hit post too soon.

andyandhillary

Cass, not that it matters at this point but FFIL is not covering the difference.  Anywho, FFIL has no idea I am upset.  Only FI, my roommate, and P&E know.  I will never mention it to him. 

kcalpin

And before everyone does the "have the wedding you can pay for". I was going to. I was going to have a tiny wedding with immediate family. And then FI and mom decided that sucked and my parents decided to pay for a large chunk but unfortunately cannot cover all of the wedding that THEY wanted. Them. Not me.I was in a similar situation in that I wanted a very small wedding for a few reasons (I'm not a big wedding person, didn't want anyone else to pay for it, etc.).  FI told me he didn't care either way, but both sets of our parents wanted a huge wedding.  We decided to just have immediate family...less than 50 people and we couldn't be happier.  Ultimately, you need to do what YOU and FI want.  It shouldn't matter who offers to pay for what.  If you want a small wedding, have it and they'll get over it.

andyandhillary

In retrospect I should have just said no to my parents paying/the big wedding.  I just didn't want to hurt my parent's feeling.  And the guilt trip (which yes, I should have gotten over it) of "so many family members are going to be disappointed" didn't help much either.  I caved to my mom.  I pick my battles with her.  I guess I should have picked that one too.