S/O Parenting

sucrets4

It's also hard to compare.  I'm pretty sure I had a later curfew than my brother, but I had friends and he wasn't very social in HS. 

mwhitson14

julez, we'll hold hands nand go through therapy together :)oot, thank gawd. Come over and kick my brother's asss please. He doesn't even own an alarm. He had to get up for Guard duty at 6 Saturday, and my mom made sure he was up to go. IMO, he should've been left to sleep and gotten and asss chewing from his C.O.

HilaryH1231

I have an older sister, 5 years older. We were treated very differently growing up, but that might in part have to do with our very different personalities. My sister was the wild child--rebellious, going out to clubs way too young, lots of drugs, drinking, stealing, random sex, lying, etc etc. So my parents were obviously much stricter and less affectionate/less rewarding with her. However, I wonder how much they acted like that because she was the first kid and they didn't really know better, and how much was because they were reacting to her behavior. But her behavior must have been in response to something as well....so hard to detangle family dynamics. I, on the other hand, was pretty spoiled/sheltered by my parents. I was the "good one"--I got good grades, never got into trouble, always asked permission before doing anything. In retrospect, I definitely think this was my way of dealing with all the conflict in my house--to try to be as good and quiet as possible so as not to make it more difficult or to make my parents mad at me. I"m pretty sure my sister is very resentful of the way in which she feels she has been wronged by my parents, and by the different way that they treated me. This leads to me feeling horribly guilty, and makes for some fun family holiday dinners. I think that while my parents may have been there more for me emotionally, I was also a lot less draining than my sister, which allowed them to be there for me, instead of feeling burned out and stressed. Ack, long answer sorry. I guess family relationships just can't be explained in a few words!

sucrets4

Hilary - If I were you, I'd just get drunk and tell her that she was a fuuck up and needs to stop blaming you and your parents for her poor choices.  And to grow up.

julezlee

My therapist is always appalled by the stories I tell her about mother. I'm like, yeah, me too.

mwhitson14

I definitely think this was my way of dealing with all the conflict in my house--to try to be as good and quiet as possible so as not to make it more difficult or to make my parents mad at me.I am STILL like this. Even about to be a graduate of college, I still adhere to my parent's 12:00 curfew rule, ask permission before I do most anything, and I don't argue or get into fight's with them. My brother makes our household miserable, so I try to be good and keep the peace.

HilaryH1231

I totally know what you mean, mwhitson. I still don't want to "rock the boat" with my parents, for fear of disappointing them or making them worry. It's not really a healthy way to look at the relationship--to have the kid worried about taking care of the parent. Or so said my last therapist.

betrothed123

I have 2 siblings.One is older, the other is younger.No, they didn't treat us the same.  My parents recognized that no 2 kids are alike, so they disciplined us and rewarded us all differently to better work with what we needed.I do have some resentment toward my brother (older), but that's more because he's 25 and still mooches off of them, and calls me for money and help all the time.  They really need to cut the cord there.  Then again, I'm about a millimeter from cutting him out of my life after what he did when my grandfather died, so there's that.

HilaryH1231

haha sucrets, only in my wildest dreams could I do that. I'm way too much of a wimp. And yes, I know I know, I need a backbone. But you're right, it drives me crazy when people insist on being victims and not taking any responsibility for their own actions. I mean, it's not like she was a brainwashed monkey.

CurlyQ284

My brother and I are 14 months apart in age (he's older). We were treated equally always. They gave him a car when his broke down in college, and since I bought my own car, they gave me an Exxon card to use as an equalizer (I STILL don't pay for gas, yayy!) However, my brother married a wench so I'm the favorite at the moment, he can't do anything right in their eyes. My DH on the other hand, he has two siblings, sister is 6 years younger, brother is 11 years younger. DH was physically abused by his dad on a regular basis. When he was a teen, CPS was called. They let him off the hook, but said that if they ever were called to the house again, they'd take all three kids. DH left school and moved out around that time and FIL started spoiling the two younger ones. DH went into the military and changed his life around so he could be better than FIL, and now he makes double his salary. SIL and BIL are fuckups (geee wonder why?) and FIL announces in front of other family members that DH is his favorite kid. It's all really sad

playtntsbpg30

First and foremost, do you have siblings? Are they older or younger? Do you feel like your parents treated you the same. I am the baby of 7 children. ages 43, 41, 38, 36 and 32 (twins) and then me 25... 4 brothers, 2 sisters. The boys never let me forget that I am definitally treated differently. 7 yrs between the twins and I, So alot changed with money and living situations in those 7 yrs. I am also daddy's girl. I am spoiled however I worked hard for everything I got, and did. My mom gives $50 toward our cell phone bill only due to the fact I added her on since she ran her cell bill up over $700, So now I have both my parents on my cell line. I am still on my father's car insurence due to it being cheaper, and I only been driving for 4 yrs, along with our agreement of me keeping his cell phone (n paying it). It's not completely even but it works out. I think the closer the children are he more they are treated the same. The farther apart they are, they are bond not to be treated the same, with changing times, money is different etc.

LauraT25

Since Whit and Julez and I had similar stories in the grades poll, I'm not surprised to read this here.I have one sister, a fraternal twin.  We are treated so differently that, like Whit, people pointed it out all.the.time while I was growing up.  While it's true that each child is different, with different strengths and weaknesses, my mom's attempt at handling this left me with a boatload of issues.  My sister is not as smart as me, just an average student (nothing wrong with that), so my mom sat me down when I was seven and told me that no one was allowed to talk about me being smart, because it would hurt my sister's feelings.  And then she proceeded to make a huge deal out of every mediocre thing my sister did.I don't even want to get into all the things that went on when we were younger, but my sister knew she was the favorite and that she could blame anything on me, and play our mother to her advantage.  I spent a lot of my childood grounded even though I was a very good daughter, and a good student.  My mom only recently realized in a therapy session what a sh!tty mom she was, but to be honest it's too late to fix it. 

aggiebug

I have an older sister(12 yrs older) and brother (6yrs older).   We were spaced so far apart that my parents finanical status and activity level were very very different between all of us.  I don't think we were treated equally, but I don't think my siblings or I think any one of us was loved more or less than the other.  At one point maybe we did, but we realize that they love us for how different we all are, and how we have grown up to be "fine upstanding citizens" - as my mom always likes to tell us through teary eyes.My dad's parents obviously favored my father, to a point where my grandmother would try to hide it by making sure they spent the exact same amount on every child. He and his siblings laugh about it now, but I can imagine how it made them feel. 

SoSweet06

Three siblings: 20, 5 and 4. So, obviously, the way that they treat us is different based on where we are in life. But, I feel that they've always tried really hard to be fair. FI, on the other hand, has a really bizarre family dynamic. He's the middle child, he's had a job and been paying his bills since he was in high school. He paid for his first degree and is paying for his second degree on his own. He lives at home, but he pays for his own expenses. His parents have paid for his older sister to go to an out of state school, paid for her insurance, etc. And, they still are always on FI for not doing enough, not being good enough or not being around enough. I could write a book on the differences in the way that they are treated. It's absurd. I don't understand how or why parents would act like that.

nvdmeulen

First and foremost, do you have siblings? I have 6 siblings, 5 brothers and 1 sister.Are they older or younger? They are all older than me, I am the absolute baby. My oldest brother is 8 years older, and my nearest sibling is my twin brother who is one minute older.Do you feel like your parents treated you the same. Yes. my older siblings tell me I'm spoiled, whereas I think I was more sheltered (aka never allowed to do anything) and had more pressure to be "perfect" and "perform well".

BubbleJ

Late to this but...1. Yes2. I have a sister who is 20 months younger3. We were treated the same when we were younger, which was the problem. When I got a cell phone so did she, but I was 14 and she was 12. I think she should have been made to wait the extra few years, but she would throw her toys if I got anything and she didn't. We are now very different people and are treated differently. I have worked since I was 15 and am training to be a teacher. I have been independant since I was 18. She has worked on and off since she was 17 (more on then off) is not qualified and still lives with our parents. She needs the attention and to be taken care of, and I don't want that at all. My mum will randomly give me money to "make it fair" since she buys so much stuff for my sister, which isn't needed. I usually use it to take my nana out for dinner.