Any Regrets?

embm

If you had a private DW/elopemant did you regret it? Did you wish you'd gone the traditional route?

If you had a traditional wedding, do you look back and wish you had just eloped?

DramaGeek

We had the traditional wedding because it's what H wanted.  I wanted to elope.  While I don't necessarily regret the wedding - it was the last time we saw some very special people before they passed away - I hate that we had a gigantic wedding.

Avion22

My wedding to my first (late) husband was a very small (immediate family only) DW. We had a really small budget, but had a great time, and had absolutely no regrets about it.  We were young (23) and able to start our married life with no debt from a wedding, and without our parents spending lots of money on us (they offered, but it wasn't our style).  

Wedding to my current husband was bigger -- about 80 people, but we're talking aunts/uncles, first cousins, very close friends -- so still very intimate.  It was also awesome, and the perfect size for us.    

AdeleDazeem

We had a twelve person destination wedding.

Absolutely zero regrets.  It was what we wanted from long before we were engaged.  We were confident in our decision and never looked back.

Summer2011Bride

We had a traditional wedding with around 130 guests, and I don't regret it. Looking back, I wish we had more time that day to just relax and perhaps do something a little more low-key with a smaller guest list. However, it was the one time we got all our friends and family in the same room at one time and we had an absolute blast! I wouldn't change it.

RamonaFlowers

I had a relatively "traditional" wedding-ballgown, 100 guests, hotel ballroom reception with dinner, dancing and open bar.

It was the wedding we wanted, and if I had to do it all over again tomorrow, I wouldn't change a thing. We did pay for everything ourselves (So it's not like I just sat back with my feet up while our parents wrote a bunch of checks), which made our engagement a little longer than we wanted it to be, but it was the wedding we wanted, and we're very happy with it.

AllisaurusRex

We eloped. Yes, I do wish we had had a larger, more traditional wedding, especially after seeing how hurt everyone was when they learned that we'd gotten married without them being there. If I could redo it, I would wait to have the wedding of my dreams with all of our friends and family in attendance, no matter how long the engagement had to be to make that happen (we had already been engaged almost 2 years when we got married). I don't regret being married, just that we hurt alot of people that we care about in the process. And I really, really, really wish we had at least had a photographer and done some traditional wedding photos. Aside from all the hurt feelings, that really is my biggest regret.

Lisa50

We first wanted a wedding in Aruba (where we'd vacationed twice) but a couple of things happened to pull us in another direction.  First, when we settled on the date (anniversary of our first date) and learned it was a Sunday, that made it impossible to marry in Aruba (ceremonies must take place in the Civil House/Town Hall). 

So, we made a compromise that worked out very well.  We married in a "sort of" destination wedding in Annapolis, Maryland (30 miles away) at an historic inn.  It turned out wonderfully.  Technically, everyone had to travel, if only from DC, but it was close enough for most guests to return home the same evening.

I do not have a single regret.

Julie2013

My husband and I eloped.  I'd barely started wearing the e-ring when his family started bugging us to set the date.  His mother immediately took over the wedding planning, buying things, ordering the food and decor, etc.  She started planning stuff that was definitely not our style or anything we wanted.  When my husband confronted her about it, bringing up the point that this was not HER wedding, she said it most definitely was!  Well, I put up with it until she picked my wedding dress and called me to tell me I needed to make an appointment for a fitting.  We called off the wedding completely.  It made his family mad, but my family had already had it up to their eyeballs with my FMIL's constant calls.  One day as we were headed out to Sunday School, we (and my almost-4 yo son) decided split second to head to my best friend's house and have her preacher husband marry us.

Do I regret it?  No.  It was far better than what my MIL had planned for us.  But one thing is for sure, I have and probably always will resent how she took over like that.  We wanted a wedding surrounded by ALL our loved ones and we've felt that loss our entire marriage.  But the reason I'm on TK is to plan our 15 yr vow renewal happening in the Spring of 2013.  We plan to make it one heck of a party!

Julie

rlavach

We had a 'traditional' wedding at our place of worship with a reception in a ballroom for 80 people. We don't regret 1 minute of it. It was exactly what we wanted, we stayed on budget & had a blast.

HobokensFury

I had my big fat Italian wedding and loved every minute of it. I would have regretted having a smaller wedding.

SB1512

I haven't had my wedding yet but it's going to be much larger than FI and I want. We want about 125 guests and his parents list alone is over 130. We tried to turn down their money so we could use my parents no strings attached contribution and our own money but FIs parents are old school Italian and lecture our ears off about how we couldn't not invite these people etc etc. in the end it just became easier to give in because it felt like WW3 was about to erupt! We are hoping since many people on the guest list have aged quite a bit since the last wedding in their family they won't be up for making the OOT trip. I don't want us to elope or DW because there are about 125 people we want to be there, I just wish his parents would be more respectful about our wishes and didn't try to start a feud over us wanting to turn down their money.

Tabbie11

My FI and I debated over this for a couple of months before it snowballed into a more traditional wedding. Our wedding is just about 3 months away and I still wonder sometimes if I made the right choice, but there were several factors involved that I remind myself of and I don't regret it at all.
I really wanted my parents and family there, I am the only daughter and first granddaughter to get married so it means a lot that they are able to witness it.I knew my grandparents wouldn't be able to make the trip to a Carribbean Island... getting them here from the UK is big enough.
I could't do an elopment, I am not good at keeping secrets or lying. A destination wedding was our first go to, but if you start inviting people it can get just as expensive. And so can a 'reception' back home after a DW. Feeding a 100 people no matter where you are is $$$. Although my fam is small here, his is HUGE and if we opened the invite to everyone then it would end up being just as complicated and cost more. Only inviting parents and closest friends wasn't really an option.

It really depends on what is important to you and your FI. Sit down and discuss it and make sure you both agree and understand what ever your choice entails.

ElleB87

H and I got married privately in a castle in Western Ireland and we have absolutely no regrets. Our day was perfect and totally stress free. I couldn't imagine getting married any other way. We were first planning a local wedding but the stress from family and my severe social anxiety proved to be too much. I'm so glad we changed our minds. That all being said, elopment is not for everyone. H and I are both not close with our families and we're both very private people. 

jenny&will2014

I am divorced and am getting married again in 2 months. My first wedding was really big in a 250 year old catholic church, limo, big dress etc etc. I wanted to get married outside and have it be small but parents were paying for it so i felt i didnt have a choice. This time it is what we want-we are getting married outside and having the reception at a place where we have just spend the evening having fun playing games and laughing vs stuffy and canned dj and dancing (no offense to anyone having that it's just not "us")

orangehills

I am not married yet, but we are having about 50 people come to our wedding. There will be some hurt feelings because we can't invite some people due to budget. I thought about a destination wedding in Hawaii, or at the beach about 2 hours away, but both were actually quite expensive for what I wanted for only 15-20 people. So I just gave in and am getting more bang for my buck for 50 people in town. I say, just go with your gut and what you feel good about!