Future sister in law problems

Cray.anita

I had gotten along great with my fiance's sister until we announced our engagement.  When he called to tell her she hung up on him!  We picked the wedding party 2 months ago.  His sister realized 3 days ago she was not a bridesmaid and has been terrible ever since!  Their mother passed away in February so it has been a difficult year.  The sister has called my fiance 112 times in the last 24 hours to either yell at him or hang up on him.  We offered to have her light the unity candle at the ceremony (in place of their deceased mother) and to also do a reading.  She refused both!  I don't think I am wrong in not having her in the wedding party (she is full of drama & the wedding party is so small my own sister is not even in it!)  What can I do to try and smooth this over.  I don't want it to cause major problems at Thanksgiving and beyond.....

lpstl

Why can't she stand up on your fi's side?

angiebear11

Your FI should be the one dealing with her. She's his sister. And offering to light the unity candle and do a reading is more than generous.

jeannigirl

Wow sorry for you. Weddings just bring out the ugly in some people. If you have offered her this honor roles and she declined that is her choice. I would not proceed to discuss this with her and let your FI handle it has it is his sister. She can always stand on his side if he wants.

tidetravel

She's your FI's sister.  If he decides he wants her in the wedding, she can stand on his side.  He also needs to grow a set of balls and stand up to his sister.  If someone was only calling to biitch at me, I would probably stop answering my phone.

Cray.anita

actually he has quit answering the phone but it is jsut ridiculous!  Also, I didn't put earlier but her 4 year old son is the ring bearer and her husband is an usher...it isn't like I am excluding his family all together.  Thanks for the advice so far.  has anyone else dealt with this before?

tlv204

If someone was only calling to biitch at me, I would probably stop answering my phone. Ditto ditto ditto. I will never understand why people do this. And don't say "I want to talk to them about it." I know you do, but clearly they don't, and you're just enabling their behavior and upsetting yourself more. Wait until everyone is calm. She's practically got you begging her to be involved in the wedding somehow, when it sounds like I would keep her as far away as possible.

tlv204

Also, I didn't put earlier but her 4 year old son is the ring bearer and her husband is an usher...it isn't like I am excluding his family all together.See I think that's important information.  I would be pissed too if you involved everyone but me.  I know you offered her other ways to be involved but some people really see anything other than being a bridesmaid as though they are inferior. I'm not at all saying she's right, but I do feel bad for her a little bit, she probably feels left out.

tidetravel

I second that the added info is important.  She's his sister, and yet, it's her husband and baby that are involved in the wedding.  I'm sure she feels slighted.  Not that it excuses her from any of her behavior, but it does help to explain it a little.

Cray.anita

I see your point, but that is not her only child.  She does not know yet that we were going to ask her husband to be an usher.  She also has a 6 month old who is not in the wedding (although she is pushing for that too).  Right now she only knows we were planning on her son.  We are only having 2 attendants on each side.  I have 1 brother and 1 sister not in the wedding party too and they are both fine with it.  My only relative in the wedding party is my sister in law (married to my brother).

banana468

Based on how she's acting, I have to say I wouldn't have her in the wedding on my side either.I wouldn't ask her husband FWIW.  It may be opening up an even larger can of worms than it's worth.Just keep it as the child is in the WP and/or if she calms down over time then your FI can ask her to stand up for him.

LauraW313

Don't ask the husband to be in it. Leave it as just the child but be prepared for her to not allow that and keep him out of the wedding.

Let the FI deal with her and find another groomsman.

Change your phone number and not tell her the new one...just kidding (sorta)