Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

Wedding Date Etiquette

In a family with many siblings is there is unknow rule that whoever gets engaged first gets married first?



Just got engaged last week and we are trying to pick a date.

Re: Wedding Date Etiquette

  • Options
    saacjwsaacjw member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Depends on the family and what the siblings timing is. I know two sisters, one got engaged about 5 months before the other, but didn't get married until almost a year after the second one because it didn't work out for her and her (now) husband to get married at that point. If theparents are paying for both weddings, then they actually should have a major say.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    There's no rule whatsoever about the order.  It's a common courtesy to be considerate of your mutual guest lists when planning the spacing of the wedding; i.e., it would be shiitty to get married so soon before or after the other sibling that it inconveniences guests with money, travel, etc. in a short time span.
  • Options
    No, there is no official rule that the first person engaged is the first one married. There are too many variables. It's just a situation you will have to work out with your sibling and your parents, keeping in mind overlapping guest lists with people who have to pay to travel, your own work schedules, the venue you are using, the size/level of wedding you are planning etc. 
  • Options
    I am just trying to get a little insight. Not sure what all the "rules" are

    Fiance's Brother:
    Enagaged October 2011, wedding date June 22 2013

    We just got engaged and were thinking May 4th 2013. There would only be 30 over lapping guests and we are not excepting gifts. 




  • Options
    That's over a month and a half apart. You're good. =) 

  • Options
    I had this issue with a family member's wedding. I had suspicions and erred on the side of caution and put my wedding six months after their's, even though they have had an extremely long engagement.

    It was a good thing I did because apparently the FI flipped out a little bit about how I better not dare get married before them.

    It's less etiquette and more knowing how your own family will react.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    I was engaged two weeks before my younger brother, and one months before my cousin so I understand your dilemna. It comes down to this, there is no fast rule to this sort of thing and if you have your heart set on a certain date you need to speak up to your sibling right away. Try to give at the very least 2-3 months between wedding so that each couple can have their time in the spotlight, Remember IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO GETS MARRIED FIRST, this is not a race down the aisle to see who can get the family's attention for the longest, and althought it may be ahrd to ignore when others are getting attention while you plan your big day it is something a lot of brides deal with and it doesn't subtract from your actual day people will still be just as excited to see you in your dress and celebrate your union. At the end of the day it is simply about you and your groom and it is best to remember that your sibling may have similar reservations and the only way to not cause conflict is to talk openly about it from the beginning. 
  • Options
    I got engaged a week after my cousin, and I'm getting married 2 months before him.  We set our date before they did, and it worked out beautifully because they wanted their wedding in a different season than us. 

    It doesn't matter who gets married first, but it is nice to give a cushion of room between the weddings.  It looks like you are doing that so i think it should be ok, talk to your FI's brother though if you feel weird about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I agree w/PP's--I was engaged in November, and my two cousins engaged in December 2011.  I'm getting married June 2013, one cousin September 2012, and the other hasn't set a date yet.

    I don't really care if both get married before me.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    it is great that you are not expecting gifts, because they should never be expected.

    however, you do need to weigh the expenses of the 30 people who overlap...travel, hotel, attire, gifts (because even if you don't expect them, some people will want to give them),

    technically you only get one day, but i think with immediate family i would try to give at least 6 months.
  • Options
    bongebonge member
    First Comment
    talk to your parents & sibling to see what they think first. 

    are you not accepting gifts or expecting them? you spelt it wrong if you meant expecting them. Do not tell anyone you are not accepting gifts if that is what you meant, some people will get offended. 
    230 image Invited
    154 image Are ready to party
    56 image Missing out
    20 image Can't find the mailbox (tick tock)

    RSVP Date: 6/1/2012
  • Options
    I can understand your question, but agree with PP that there is no real rule.
    FI and I got engaged in Jan 2011 and set a date of Sept 2012 (it just worked out better and I wanted a longer engagement).  FI's sister got engaged in June 2011 and married in October 2011.  While FI and I were actively doing the majority of our planning while her planning was in way high gear, that's just the way it worked out.  I felt bad that FI's parents weren't really interested in hearing about or participating in our planning process, but it wasn't my decision for his sister to have a 3.5 month engagement and a very rushed planning process.  I did put off some of my decisions until after her wedding since she didn't want to share and details ahead of time and I didn't want to overlap or do similar things to her (my dress, favors, etc).  
  • Options

    I think this is less about etiquette per se, and more about knowing your family and your sibling's future spouse.  Personally, I don't think a month and a half before their wedding leaves enough space to avoid hurt feelings.  Do you HAVE to schedule your wedding after theirs or with a certain time cushion?  No.  But I would. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I wouldn't say it was a rule.  However, my wedding isn't for another year and a half.  I have a sister getting married this year and another sister who will probably become engaged at the end of the year.  I don't mind if she gets married before me but I know she is already thinking a destination wedding.  I would hope that she would take into consideration that yes while she is saving money going away, we just won't have the money because we will still be saving for our own wedding.
    Follow Me on Pinterest
    July 2007 Photobucket
    october 2012 Photobucket
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards