Do bridesmaids give wedding gifts?

cmp121811

I'm a bridesmaid in my friends wedding next year, and I always assumed that I should get her gifts for both her shower and for the wedding.  One of my friends said bridesmaids don't usually give gifts since they're paying so much to be in the wedding.  Whats the protocol on this?

gurrlballa10

I always have.

Calypso1977

you should give something, even if its just a thoughtful card.  but i know i dont spend near as much when im a BM as i do when im a guest because of hte money spent.

itzMS

Showers are gift giving events, so if you attend the shower it's expected that you bring a gift. Bridesmaids are by no means required to attend a shower. If you can afford it, give a gift for the wedding too. If not, a heartfelt card or something small would no doubt still be appreciated by the couple.

SJM7538

For my best friends wedding I was MOH -

I put a lot of time and money into the shower so even though I went I did not get her a shower gift.
For the wedding I also did not get her a gift but I paid for all her expenses at the bachelorette party and I paid for her hair the day of the wedding (as a surprise). Plus the dress, shoes ect.

For my little sisters wedding I was also MOH-
I gave gifts for both the shower and the wedding for my sister because I did not put any money towards the shower and threw her a small personal/lingerie shower instead of a bachelorette party.

Your call. If you were only going to do one gift I would do it for the shower and only spend what you can afford since there are other BM expenses you need to cover.

achiduck

I've only been a BM once for my Dad's wedding last year. They explicity told us not to do anything so I gave them a nice card with a note in it.

In general, if you can afford it, it's nice to give a gift. If you're strapped for cash it's not a big deal not to.

melanieky

I would especially since bridesmaids are usually friends of the bride or groom. I can't say that I have ever heard of a bridesmaid or a grooman not giving a gift.

AdeleDazeem

I've been a MOH twice.  Both times I gave gifts at the shower and the wedding.  But, I did this because I could afford it.  Just as with any gift, you give what you can afford.  If spending money to be in the wedding is draining your budget, then that's fine!  You shouldn't go into debt over a gift.  Don't stress over this.

Carrie81677

Of the eight adult members of our WP, 3 gave gifts.  I was a bit surprised, simply because I've never attended a wedding and NOT given a gift, but as others have said, people need to do what they can afford and feel comfortable with.  I know that strained financial circumstances over the past two years have radically altered my attitude on gift giving.  Additionally, our BM and MOH had to travel cross country (CA to IL and CO to IL, respectively) just to attend, so that was certainly more than enough!

I do think it's a bit shoddy if they can't even spring for a 99 cent card, although I could see some people being embarrassed to give a card that didn't have anything in it.

Honestly, the only one I'm irked about is my BIL, but that's because his wife (my husband's sister) wrote me a poison-pen email the day of my bridal shower, so I'm a bit less inclined to be rational about that family unit!

KBSK12

All but one of our wedding party members gave us a gift, and all of my BMs gave a shower gift.  It's by no means expected or required for anyone to give gifts at all, but I plan to give shower and wedding gifts to my girlfriends and cousins whose weddings I'll be in.

ootmother2

I always did and I know DD does. 

Pretty much gift off the registry for shower and cash for wedding

Even when I was a struggling B school student, I managed to give something but nothing near what I give as an adult

BCV513

Both times I've been a bridesmaid, I've given MORE at the shower and wedding

KellyBrian2013

If you can afford a gift, it's always nice especially presuming the bride and/or groom are good friends. However I don't think anyone should be judged for not giving something. I was MOH in my MOH's wedding. Between the dress, shoes, traveling 9 hours each way by car, and 3 nights i n a hotel room just 3 weeks before our own wedding, frankly, I couldn't afford to give her a gift then. And just giving a card didn't feel right. We did send her a gift after our wedding when things calmed down, but it was well over a month after he wedding when it was received.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-bridesmaids-give-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:110d5f13-cd39-48bf-aeaa-3c58bf68b80ePost:7e460c22-df62-41a4-b21c-54bef7790ee8">Re: Do bridesmaids give wedding gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Both times I've been a bridesmaid, I've given MORE at the shower and wedding
Posted by BCV513[/QUOTE]

I know that a lot of people feel the way you do, but I feel like I'm giving more when I'm in the wedding and buying dresses, shoes, jewelry, traveling, etc. and that becomes part of my gift.

I've been the MOH 3 times and while I've given a gift at the shower/bachelorette party/wedding, it was always what I could afford.  I never felt pressured to give more.

banana468

The only time I didn't I was 14.

yoshijo

I have also given more than I normally would just because I feel closer to the couple. I've also never heard of the WP not giving gifts.

phfiely

I think the rule is to give what you can afford, and that nothing is required, but I would feel terrible not even bringing a card with a small gift to a wedding. When I was a bridesmaid for a close friend, we all went in on limo, etc. for her bachelorette, I got her a shower gift, and got her a wedding gift and card. I guess I don't see why being a bridesmaid is that much more of an expense than being a guest at a close friend's wedding. The only "extra" thing I've had to buy was a dress...I would have gone out for her bachelorette etc. even just as a friend.  I suppose if the bride is demanding a super expensive dress that's out of your budget...

To be honest, I will be sad if my bridesmaids don't each write me a nice note in a card. I keep all of my cards from friends and love to re-read them years down the road. I feel like bringing absolutely nothing to a wedding, not even a card with well wishes, has nothing to do with finances and more to do with indifference.

hoffse

FI and I do, but we budget for it - depending on how much we spend for parties, etc. it varies for us.  We actually tend to spend more on his friends than mine because they typically only have a small handful of items they really want on their registries, as opposed to my girlfriends who directed (if not picked out entirely) 95% of theirs.

livnsamsmama

I usually give gifts for both, but one time I did not. I gave for the shower, but the MOH demanded tons of money from me for the parties, and I ended up spending over $1200 to be in the wedding, plus a 6hr round trip drive for each event. I did not bring a gift to the wedding because I really had no money left. Even then I felt bad about it.

bridie2013

oh yes! I always give even more than when I am regular guest at a wedding. 

nextrightthing

Like others said, if you can afford it, yes, but gifts are never required.  In college, I was a BM, and I was broke.  I paid for my dress, traveling to the wedding and bachelorette weekend, a huge portion of the (very expensive) bachelorette weekend, and that was all I could afford.  I felt kind of bad about it, but I literally could NOT afford a gift and spent hundreds on the whole thing. 

OwningAHome1981

You attend a wedding, you get a gift for the couple ALWAYS. If you don't attend, still nice to mail a gift. A small gift is always better than no gift at all.