S/O - Bridesmaid Meetings

Celles

So, Clare's thread (and some of the comments it engendered) got me to thinking about bridesmaid meetings. 

Are they customary?  Did you have them?  What are your thoughts on bridesmaid meetings in general?

My brother's fiancee has scheduled two bridesmaid meetings so far -- both out of state, and both potlucks.  (Seriously?  I'm supposed to carry-on a green bean casserole?  :facepalm:)  I've respectfully declined both invitations and sent my assurances that whatever color scheme/horrific dress/seating arrangement FSIL and her supercontrolling momzilla choose will be a-okay with me. 

Needless to say, I find bridesmaid meetings rather inane -- but I could just be a horrible bridesmaid. (In my defense, FSIL and I aren't close.  I'm only a bridesmaid because she won't let my brother's female attendants be groomsmen, but she still needs us to "balance the sides" so all of her brothers and cousins can be...)

lyndausvi

Ummm... No I didn't have one, nor have I attended them when I was a BM.

SarahPLiz

My sisters are my MsOH. They met with me at Christmas for  a few hours, but since we hadn't all been in one place for 10 years, we did not discuss wedding stuff.

If you have a large party and you really have a delusion of everyone being BFFs, then I guess you could have them, but I really don't see the necessity.

MeaghanandMichael

I have not even heard of this.
Does no one do things by email any more?

samurai21

I've sent out I think one email to my bridesmaids talking about dresses because only two are in the same state as I am. Other than that if they've offered to help or go do wedding related things with me, then I talk to that person directly.

I was in a wedding that had bridesmaid meetings, but all of the BP members were really close, so it was more of an excuse to get together and do something and less wedding related.

baystateapple

I've never attended a bridesmaid meeting -- for most of the weddings I've been in, I've met the other bridesmaids at the rehearsal dinner.

My bridesmaids are all in different states, so anything I need to talk to all of them about en masse takes place over FB.  And I told them if they have any questions they can call me.  So far, the only questions they've had have been about shoes.  None of them have TIME for a get-together.  I would never ask them to travel to CT for a meeting about the wedding.

betrothed123

Nope, I didn't have one.  There was absolutely no need.  Anything my BMs needed to know I called and told them.  I didn't expect their help in planning (which is what I think often precipitates these meetings), so there wasn't any information to share.

eastunder1

I've never heard of this.  How stupid and ridiculously entitled.  Isn't this why they created email?

I went to a "bridesmaid lunch" for a friend who's wedding I'm in next year.  She wanted everyone to meet each other.  But it was just a lunch where everyone socialized.  I don't think we even talked about the wedding. 

danieliza1127

I've been a BM 5 times and have never heard of this, and don't think it's necessary.  The only thing I did was make sure my BMs had each others contact information.  I sent an e-mail to all of them and listed names, e-mail addresses, and phone numbers so they could contact each other if they ever needed to/wanted to.  That worked out fine for them.  I know they planned my shower together and they did a great job, without my help.

sarah0725

Yeah that is really weird. I can't imagine expecting that people would fly for something like that.

Two of the three ladies in our wedding party already know each other and they have yet to meet the third, and I'll facilitate that at some point. But informally, and not at some weird-ass meeting. Was she planning on having an agenda?

Kati0105

Never had one for my BMs and never was invited to one as a BM or MOH.  My close group of friends is scattered all over the country, so email was really our only option.

MissLeahM

Oh gosh no, I wouldn't have one. We all met to get fitted for their dresses. Which I suppose was unnecessary but one girl didn't drive and the other didn't know where it was.

Clare13

Let me just say that this was not a meeting it was a get-together.  I have 6 bridesmaids and they do not all know each other.  They suggested getting together and going to dinner so they would have more fun on the wedding day knowing the other girls.  The night planned was dinner at Buca's and drinks.  Honestly for the 1 1/2 hours we were together we talked wedding maybe for 20 minutes and that was not the plan for the evening.  The goal was just to get to know one another.  Truly it was a lot of; what do you do, what are your interests, where do you live, are you in a relationship,etc.  I honestly could not have cared if the girls had met beforehand, but I had 3 of them suggest getting together.   Honestly it was a really fun time except my sisters attitude.  I honestly can say I would do it again.  The other three girls that were there have all told me that they are glad they got to meet the other bridesmaids.  Had they all know each other I don't think any of my bridesmaids would have suggested a pre-meeting and I would have not organized one. 

tenofcups4me

I've never been to one or heard of one except on here. I can't imagine what people would do at a "meeting." Anything my BMs needed to know, I told them in person, on the phone, or via email. There was nothing that required them to get together with each other. In fact, most of them didn't meet till they attended my shower (thrown by my sister/MOH and an aunt) and then one more time at the wedding itself.

Celles

This will be the first wedding I've been involved in, so the invitation from my FSIL -- a photocopied flier that actually came in the mail -- caught me by surprise.  I've seen other posters mention their bridesmaids meetings in passing (such as in the thread that inspired this one), but it sounds like they aren't customary. 

That's kind of a relief. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Um, no. I've sent my BMs exactly 2 emails. Basically just trying to get them to come dress shopping (they are all local and we're all friends). I don't get BM newsletters, let alone meetings. Sorry, I don't fel like wasting my HTML skills making a template for an email telling you that I think I AM going with calla lilies rather than roses. Whew, good choice there! So necessary to spread it around!

lpstl

The closest thing I did to this was inviting the girls to come try on dresses with me, and in the process we all went to lunch. I only had 3 in town BMs and they all knew each other, there was nothing about it that was like a meeting.

For nitty gritty type of stuff I just sent out emails.

AlexiaANDRobert

Never heard of one and didn't have one.  I have 7 bridesmaids. 

One was out of state, one was 2 hours away, the others were local.  All communication was via email, and there really wasn't that much.

My 2 sisters, MOH and 2 BMs came to my shower, and my sisters and my MOH came to my Bachelorette party, so the rest didn't even meet until the Rehearsal.

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-meetings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12ea1748-8995-42b1-a0d8-1e04678d4156Post:30774ff4-f6f1-46e4-8995-1584fde9c23c">Re: S/O - Bridesmaid Meetings</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, no. I've sent my BMs exactly 2 emails. Basically just trying to get them to come dress shopping (they are all local and we're all friends). I don't get BM newsletters, let alone meetings. Sorry, I don't fel like wasting my HTML skills making a template for an email telling you that I think I AM going with calla lilies rather than roses. Whew, good choice there! So necessary to spread it around!
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I realize you're probably being at least somewhat facetious, but a former co-worker of mine actually did something like that.  She sent so many e-mails to her bridesmaids ("Oh ladies!  We're only six months away and I am starting to get nervous!") that three of them got together and broke up with her...  via e-mail, no less.

btw, this was for her second (fake) wedding. 

squirrly

We went to brunch one day and then dress shopping together.  And then I emailed them a list of people for b-party invites.  I don't think they've had any "meetings" on their own.

We're going out to dinner for my birthday tonight, and the 2 BMs in town will be part of the group.  That's as close to a meeting as we're going to have.

NuggetBrain

I send a few e-mails - the first one letting them know details (dresses, the date, etc) and how excited I was to have them in my wedding.  Then a few months later a follow up e-mail reminding them to get their dresses (which I had to, because NOBODY had gone and now two of them had to pay for rush order and the other two still haven't gotten theirs).  And one today, asking them if they wanted to have their hair and makeup done on site or on their own.  That's about it.

I'm sure I'll send some more e-mails when time gets closer (like a timeline for the day and such),

Celles

@Clare - I wasn't trying to judge you.  (I think I need more than 63 posts under my name before I'm allowed to do that. )  Whit's comments to your post reminded me of my FSIL's meeting drama and I wanted to collect some other thoughts without hijacking your thread, s'all. 

I do hope everything works out with your sister.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-meetings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12ea1748-8995-42b1-a0d8-1e04678d4156Post:050ebe75-1051-4851-bb62-0c9dc01e447d">Re: S/O - Bridesmaid Meetings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O - Bridesmaid Meetings : I realize you're probably being at least somewhat facetious, but a former co-worker of mine actually did something like that.  She sent so many e-mails to her bridesmaids ("Oh ladies!  We're only six months away and I am starting to get nervous!") that three of them got together and broke up with her...  via e-mail, no less. btw, this was for her second (fake) wedding. 
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah, I'm joking. I'm planning on sending them maybe 2 more emails, total. I can't take it when people say, "Check out my BM newsletter!" and it has section of things like "what I've been working on" "recently decided on..." "what still needs work" - no one CARES. All I'm getting my BMs involved in is what they need to be involved with, which is picking out a dress.

Clare13

Celles- Don't worry about it.  I was not clear in my post about a "meeting."  My business background is definitely showing through. 

I say if your bridesmaids want to get together and hang out, why not?  If something wedding comes up great, if not, great.  But I definitely would not show up with a meeting agenda.  I agree that this would be horrible to attend and completely Bridezilaish. 

kristinalily

haha considering my MOH and I hardly even speak I'm definitely not having BM meetings. Also, I have bridesmaids from all over...so the distance thing kinda gets in the way. I'm just expecting my girls to show up in their dresses and be supportive on the day of.

deepcovejackie

What the heck is a bridesmaids meeting?  Nope, can't say I've had one of those.  I don't get what that's all about.  More "it's all about the bride" time?  Yikes, what a waste of time!

steph43987

4 of my 5 bridesmaids and I get together bi-weekly, if not weekly. HOWEVER, it is in NO WAY a meeting to discuss my wedding plans. We are all family (4 cousins and my sister) and have always been close so we get together for dinner and wine, sometimes just wine nights  If wedding stuff comes up, it's because they're asking. 

I think the whole meeting and newsletter thing sounds a little ridiculous. 

future-mrs

This...

[QUOTE]never heard of these before the knot. none for me either. we communicate via email/facebook/phone. 3 of my BMs haven't met each other yet.
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

And this.

[QUOTE]What the heck is a bridesmaids meeting?  Nope, can't say I've had one of those.  I don't get what that's all about.  More "it's all about the bride" time?  Yikes, what a waste of time! [/QUOTE]

mags0607

I can't even begin to figure out what I would do at a "BM meeting." I did end up with 5 of my 6 BMs coming dress shopping with me, and then we all stayed at a nice hotel for the night and went out. We really didn't talk wedding much at all, besides the shopping trip. 3 of my bridesmaids live in the same apartment, one used to live with them and just moved, and they had only met my MOH once because she lives 5 hours away. She flew in to visit family and me, and everyone else joined in.

mrsamyjones

You mean to say that I'm the only one who had a BM meeting in my combat boots and veil complete with diagrams and a "How to be a GREAT BM" video with fill in the blank handouts?

no seriously, I have 6 BMs and not once have we had a meeting or newsletter. At most they get a "hey, is next week a good time for you to go get dresses?" text. Everything else I try to keep focused on real life...wedding life is something I try to keep on the DL.