Etiquette

Is it rude not to include ushers in the photos & the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner?

So our wedding party is already quite large with an already uneven male-female ratio. I'm thinking I'd prefer not to include the ushers in the photos because that would only make the male-female ratio that much more difficult and I think there would be far too many people in the photos. Also, our rehearsal dinner really has the potential to snowball into a huge event on its own. One of those "If you invite so and so then you have to invite X too..." situations. So, to combat this I'm thinking that the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner will only be the bridesmaids, groomsmen, siblings, and parents. However, this means the ushers would be excluded here also. All of the ushers would have to pay for tuxedos so it seems like excluding them has the potential to be rude, but it would just make things more difficult to include all of them. I'm not sure if there is a traditional way of going about this. So, is it rude not to include the ushers in the photos and the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner??? Thanks!

Re: Is it rude not to include ushers in the photos & the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner?

  • I would include them in some photos, but not all of the wedding party photos.  Definitely include them and their dates (and the dates of the rest of the wedding party!!) for the rehearsal dinner.  I find it very sad that you're more worried about the male to female ratio and how it will look in pictures than you are about their feelings.  I assume you invited them to be in the wedding party because you care about them.  Maybe you should treat them that way.
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  • If you're making them rent a tux, the least you could do is feed them. 

    Is it too late to reconsider the tuxes?  If they're not in the pictures, there's really no reason for it.

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  • edited January 2012
    Thanks for your feedback kcscejal! You make a great point, but I suppose I didn't explain the problem well enough. I didn't want to write an entire novel! Lol My fiance is so loveable that he has a 100 BEST friends!!! Every week he thinks of someone else he wants to be in the wedding. He seems to think the solution is to just add everyone on as an usher. I was amenable to this at first, but there comes a point in time where you have to draw the line. You just can't have everyone in the wedding. I suppose thats a whole different problem for an entirely different discussion board. Having a ton of ushers just complicates things. It'll be expensive to pay for them and all of their spouses at the rehearsal dinner for starters.
  • Genious J&K10910! There really is no need to make them wear tuxes. We never even thought of that. Guess that's why these discussion boards are so useful. ;-)
  • Everyone in the wedding gets to come to the rehearsal dinner, including ushers. Sorry. You could have them not rent tuxes though-- it would solve your picture dilemma (which isn't a big deal, by the way)?and save them money.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-not-include-ushers-photos-rehearsalrehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:136ee7d2-f39e-46c8-a9ab-bb9888de002bPost:6bbe6810-de8c-4887-8343-f72563136ce8">Re: Is it rude not to include ushers in the photos & the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Everyone in the wedding gets to come to the rehearsal dinner, including ushers. Sorry. You could have them not rent tuxes though-- it would solve your picture dilemma (which isn't a big deal, by the way)?and save them money.
    Posted by skantrowitz[/QUOTE]

    No.  Everyone involved in the REHEARSAL gets to go to the dinner.  There's really not a reason to make the ushers participate in the rehearsal.  Presumably they're pretty capable of walking people to seats without practicing.

    But if it were me, I would invite them to the dinner and include them in pictures.

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  • What will having tons of ushers accomplish? Honestly any more than 2 or 3, depending how many isles your venue has would be confusing to the guests. They won't all be on the same page either. 

    Guest is a lovely role, one most people like. 

    I would not have them in pictures but i WOULD have them at the rehersal & rehersal dinner. To me they are still a part of the wp for the most part, so i would include them. Pics with them men fiance could have them in, or with you & the men, but not in full wp pics, ya know?
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  • Are you expecting your ushers to attend the rehearsal itself?  They should most definitely be invited to the dinner.  They are going the expense of renting tuxes, making themselves available for the wedding, and assisting with your special day.  Include them for the dinner and some of the pictures.  You'd regret it later if these special friends are nowhere to be found in your pictures.
  • I agree tuxes might not be necessary, but I would ask them to the rehearsal dinner and have them in some of the pictures.  What is the point of including them in the wedding, if you're not really going to include them?  Just having them show up to seat guests doesn't seem much better than guest book attendant in that case. Just my opinion, but I think there might be hurt feelings and you might regret it later. 
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  • TiffannieFTiffannieF member
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    edited January 2012
    We invited the ushers to the R and RD, they were walking parents down the aisle so I thought it was appropriate to invite them. They were in a couple pictures after the wedding but not all and they were not in the pictures where we took them with the BMs or GMs. But our ushers rented a $200 tux so we were trying to involve them as much as possible. For me, guests see the ushers first and they interact with them more than the BMs and GMs so I wanted to make sure they looked very formal (although I'm sure there are ways to look formal not in a tux but for our wedding this was what seemed acceptable to me). To answer your question, yes it would be rude not include them in SOME pictures (but not all). You should take pictures with the large group first then start by doing groups that would want to leave first. So after the group picture we did grandparents, ushers, parents, BMs/GMs, then just us.
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  • I agree that inviting them to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner are a must. If your FI wants to include all of his friends, then you should actually include them.  If they are going to take the time to be in the wedding, then they need to be invited to the rehearsal and the dinner.  As for tuxes, that is up to you.  But regardless, I'd do at least 1-2 pictures with them.  They are a part of your wedding after all.  And it isn't like you have the exact same group in every picture.
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  • It seems pretty silly to base your decision on who is in wedding photos on the male-to-female ratio, rather than who you want to make sure you have formal photos of in the wedding photos that you'll have for years and years. 

  • I agree that if your FI wants to include them he needs to actually include them.  They don't have to be in every picture, but should be included in some - or what was the point of asking them?  We have pics of H with his groomsmen and H with all the guys (groomsmen and usher).  Then we have pics of the WHOLE BP, then just BMs/GMs.

    I also think they should be included in the R/RD. 

    And just to throw this out there - regardless of what you decide to do with R/RD, tuxes, and photos; your ushers should receive "thank you" gifts, just like your groomsmen.  They're a part of your wedding party.
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