Guestlist nightmare

skits_1

Hi everyone,
So, were having a 50-60 person wedding as you know the guest list is probably the hardest part. With that said we dont have huge familes and all aunts & uncles, close friends and family fit in the 50-60 people. Problem is with FI. He thinks it's ok in this situation to invite some uncles on his side and aunts on my side. Frankly they are people he does not like and does not want at the wedding. I have told him that this is going to cause drama within his family & mine and that we should just invite them. I guess what I'm upset about is the fact that he's saying "I dont like do-and-so", tbh hes saying it about both sides of the family, but still they are not bad people and I think it's strange.
Anyone else's FI seem to be brutally honest about what he thinks about the guests? Bear in mind they are people we have not seen in 5 years for my side,..
Why are we getting all sensitive about this. UGH.Thanks for listening.

AmoroAgain

I didn't invite people to the wedding that I didn't like or that I hadn't seen in several years.

Mrs.B6302007

If you weren't in our phones, you didn't get an invite.

You don't have to invite family just because they're family.  My mom and I decided together to not invite her brothers and sister since they would have to travel from TN and PA tothe wedding (mainly because it was my 2nd wedding) and they were okay with that.

skits_1

Im not even sure that my family would be willing to hear me ask if it's OK to not invite the aunt & uncle in question. We've already decided on the no cousins since that adds 30 people to the wedding.

How can I approach this conversation without hurting my parents feelings?

AmoroAgain

I don't think I'd approach it, just send out the invites and leave them off the list.  UNLESS your parents are paying.  In which case- sucks to be you.

SarahPLiz

If you wnat to invite them and he doesn't, then he needs to come up with some good reasons. Chances are if you haven't seen them in 5 years and they have to travel, they won't come anyway (never count on this, though).
In my case, I wouldn't want to offend the ones I did invite, if they are close to the ones I didn't. They will wonder what the non-invitees did to be excluded.

THis is why we went with the circle method and invited either the whole group or none of them, with the exception of 1st cousins. Only 1 got invited on my mom's side out of 9 because he is a minor and has to come with his parents. My 2 1st cousins on my dad's side were invited because we were raised very close and are more like siblings than cousins.

SteveandKris

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guestlist-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:13ab3ff1-badb-475b-96a3-7c8c7a153d41Post:04a6fe8b-eeb5-4d47-8110-1b4c8cda8ec0">Re: Guestlist nightmare</a>:
[QUOTE]If you weren't in our phones, you didn't get an invite.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I love this rule!!

brookelynpaisley

My mom's  issue (parents paid for most of the reception)  was not inviting one of a group of siblings. I have a cousin I rarely see, she's a complete mess, etc. But she's the sister of cousins I am close to, so she went on the guest list. She never RSVPd and obviously didn't show, but I avoided the drama. Personally, I think it's a good rule of thumb.

Be sure to word your invites carefully. DH chose to not invite any of his first cousins, but we heard aunts and uncles talking about how so-and-so cousin wished they could have made it, but had to work. Some aunts and uncles may assume that their adult child was included on their invite.

sucrets4

The difficult thing about randomly not inviting people that you don't like is this:  what if someone asks you why they're not invited?  Are you going to say "well, we don't like them very much"?  Picking a line and only inviting those (first cousins only, etc.) makes it much easier to explain to people.

I had a few cousins that I haven't spoken to in years - they declined the invite, as well I expected them to.  If I didn't have the room/money then I guess things would have been different, but people who don't really know you probably won't give up time and money to come to your wedding.

nooniesinlove

Sucrets is very, very wise.

mags0607

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guestlist-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:13ab3ff1-badb-475b-96a3-7c8c7a153d41Post:5f2c8497-49c5-42eb-a427-fbc5bbf46cb3">Re: Guestlist nightmare</a>:
[QUOTE]The difficult thing about randomly not inviting people that you don't like is this:  what if someone asks you why they're not invited?  Are you going to say "well, we don't like them very much"?  Picking a line and only inviting those (first cousins only, etc.) makes it much easier to explain to people. I had a few cousins that I haven't spoken to in years - they declined the invite, as well I expected them to.  If I didn't have the room/money then I guess things would have been different, but people who don't really know you probably won't give up time and money to come to your wedding.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

This is what I was going to say.

Also, it really depends on who is paying for the wedding. Those footing the bill get the trump card on invites.