Underlying Motive (Poll Included)

sep72fendr

Ugh. It's been a while since I have been on here. I've been contemplating bridesmaid gowns, just to start getting ideas.

Point of Discussion: My MOH has a HUGE tat on her back in an easily hideable area on her shoulder.

Is it horrible that I want to find a dress that can cover it? I know that it has a lot of sentimental value to her, and I dig it... however, I don't want it in my pictures. I know that there was a thread about tats and asking maids to cover them, but I want people's opinions on taking the extra step and just picking a dress that covers it. The only other person that knows my feelings on it is of course my dearest Fi.

Ladies? Good idea, Bad Idea, Rude?

SparrowSong

Exactly how many pics do you expect to feature the BM's shoulders? Seriously not a big deal. Take a deep breath and chill out. This is not an issue to waste brain cells on.

sep72fendr

It's not really so much a "wasting brain cells" issue. It's more so that I'm slightly a control freak for my wedding and I am trying to let go about most minor things. But this really isn't a minor thing to me... it's just there.... And it's out of my hands, but I have options to change it, if I wanted to.

Nebb

I just want to point out I chose the stupid and selfish option, but I mean it in that you are being stupid and selfish. Big picture here lady, seriously.

nda_roxybabe

I guess you could pick a dress that hides it but honestly I'd pick a dress you both like and so be it. It's not a huge deal.

nda_roxybabe

p.s. I like you. Please don't go crazy like everyone else has tonight.

sep72fendr

And now I remember why I lurk more than post. I appreciate the honesty Nebb, but no need to fling insults by calling me stupid and selfish. I'm not trying to start anything, I just don't appreciate being insulted when jut asking for opinions. I'm still new to this whole wedding planning schtick and would appreciate helpful, insightful advice. Thanks

sep72fendr

Aw thanks Roxy. I like you (and everyone here) too. I've been busy with work and wish I could be on here more, but when I'm done for the day, it's like "eff that I wanna pass out" haha

Nebb

Honestly though, I think that is a stupid and selfish thing to do, I cant help that. I think trying to cover up your friends tattoos in any way for a bunch of photographs is incredibly selfish.

Aedes*

I say if you don't want it show then pick a dress that covers it.  But I have NEVER seen a photo that shows a BM's shoulders from the back. So I say consider that before picking you BM dresses. I mean really this is a tiny detail.

sep72fendr

Okay. Thanks for your honesty Nebb dear :-)

nda_roxybabe

I don't think nebb was out of line, she was stating her opinion. Remember not to take everything here to heart. Suck it up and accept any flames for what their worth.

tenofcups4me

I can't imagine how it's selfish to pick a dress that's in keeping with the tone you want for your wedding. As far as I can tell, that's what anyone who picks a dress for BMs does -- they pick one they think matches the formality, tone, price range, colors, etc. they've set for their wedding. I don't see how this is any different. So yeah, I'd absolutely pick one that covers the tat and wouldn't think twice about it.

aprovencher21

I just think worrying about most tattoos is silly.  I simply don't care (unless its offensive) who has tattoos and if they show. 

spinner84

Choose whatever dress you like, just don't say that's the reason.

tobeDrReed

I love my own tatoos and wouldn't ask someone to cover theirs for me.  If it were me as a BM I would feel that picking a dress to cover the tatoo is much better than asking her to cover it with make-up.  As long as the dress looks appropriate and fits your wedding "feel" I don't see a huge problem.

quotequeen

The dress is the bride's prerogative, so I don't see the issue in picking a dress that covers it if that's what makes you happy.  (As long as this BM is getting the same dress as everybody else.  It would be wrong if you gave the others a choice, or let the others wear a strapless dress, and told this BM she had to wear the style that covers it.)

goheels05

My MOH has a tattoo on her shoulder, and it is showing in almost every single picture of us at the altar during the ceremony.  I'm not saying I cared, but if OP cares, it is at least valid from the standpoint that it will show in pictures. 

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_underlying-motive-poll-included?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:145c622a-2542-4164-9398-e78ee0b949dcPost:7e9a1ed4-48a8-4d40-b940-afa9939ec059">Re: Underlying Motive (Poll Included)</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH has a tattoo on her shoulder, and it is showing in almost every single picture of us at the altar during the ceremony.  I'm not saying I cared, but if OP cares, it is at least valid from the standpoint that it will show in pictures. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

That what I was thinking.  Most ceremonies have the wedding party and bride and groom facing away from the guests, so the tattoo would be visible to everyone in the audience and any pictures.  We all faced our guests at our ceremony, so if you did it that way, then it wouldn't be in pictures.

OP, I think the only answer to this question is to what you feel is right but do it with tact and be nice about it.  If you decide to find a dress that covers her shoulder, or have them wear little shrugs or something, just don't be a jerk about it to her and make her feel bad about having the tattoo.  Be subtle about it, don't tell her you're picking certain dresses just to cover her tattoo, etc.  There's a right way and a wrong way to go about it.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_underlying-motive-poll-included?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:145c622a-2542-4164-9398-e78ee0b949dcPost:ed07f3c5-b1bd-4a54-b25f-42aab74c0fa7">Re: Underlying Motive (Poll Included)</a>:
[QUOTE]And now I remember why I lurk more than post. I appreciate the honesty Nebb, but no need to fling insults by calling me stupid and selfish. I'm not trying to start anything, I just don't appreciate being insulted when jut asking for opinions. I'm still new to this whole wedding planning schtick and would appreciate helpful, insightful advice. Thanks
Posted by sep72fendr[/QUOTE]

Didn't you, in your self-written poll, put that down as an option?  I am confused by your getting huffy if someone chooses that option and explains why. 

BecW2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_underlying-motive-poll-included?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:145c622a-2542-4164-9398-e78ee0b949dcPost:4ff9bfb9-870a-4d92-a3d6-24ebdb92759e">Re: Underlying Motive (Poll Included)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Underlying Motive (Poll Included) : Didn't you, in your self-written poll, put that down as an option?  I am confused by your getting huffy if someone chooses that option and explains why. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.

hd7694

i you want her to wear a wrap or jacket then have her do so. Just make sure that ALL BM's are wearing one too.  I agree with the PP that said DO NOT tell her that you want her tattoo covered.  It may result in resentment and/or anger.  Keep it to yourself.  I am saying this from the point of view of someone who has 2 tattoo's on her back.  If I was wearing a jacket along with everyone else I would be fine with that.  If I knew that my good friend was embarassed by me, I would be very hurt.

sep72fendr

I didn't try to get "huffy" per say. I put down that the act of wanting that is selfish and stupid, not myself personally. There is a difference of a person's options/choosing versus a person's own personality. I meant it in the fact that the act of me wanting it covered was selfish and stupid (basically a silly tiny detail to worry about), not in the fact that I was a stupid and selfish person.

All things aside and past is now the past (attempting to get my proverbial foot out of my mouth) , I appreciate all of your ladies feedback and am thankful to get everyone's outside point of view. :-) I hope you enjoy the rest of your short week after a long memorial day weekend.

squirrly

I think choosing dresses that you find most flattering to both your BMs and your wedding day, in combination, is fine.  If that means her tattoo is covered - so be it.  If not, then you suck it up and accept the tattoo.  So long as you don't shout out the reason for the dress is her tat, I think it's fine to have as a consideration in the back of your mind.

That said - I, personally, am not a fan of tattoos BUT I think worrying about it too much is just silly.  And, if you were looking for shawls or thinking of asking her to cover it with makeup, THEN I'd say it was horribly selfish.  Letting it influence dress selection = mildly selfish (which all wedding planning choices are, for the most part) & not a big deal.