How could we word invitations?

laurenNmatt2013

My FH and I are on a very tight budget and are planning a very small wedding (75 people) in the summer, in a church with an outdoor (hopefully) reception. He had an idea that I LOVED the other day to make it an old style family picnic theme with red checkered table cloths, in a park so the kids can all play while we eat, drink, and dance. To go with that theme, he wanted to do a family pot-luck type of thing instead of bringing gifts (cheaper for us, cheaper for them, and our families both LOVE to cook and eat). However, since it's considered rude to even mention gifts on an invitation, even if you don't want them, how would we get the word out? I'm concerned that if we go by word of mouth, we will end up with a ton of the same few things. Neither of our families are picky about ettiquette and only our closest friends are coming. They would all love the idea, but even if they don't care, it feels tacky to me to request food on an invitation. How do we get around this? Is it possible?

J&K10910

I like how you know it's tacky to mention gifts on an invitation, but you don't know it's tacky to make people bring food to your wedding. 

DramaGeek

When we considered a summer wedding, we were going for a night at the ballgame type feel.  We were going to barbecue dogs and burgers, have pretzels with cheese, popcorn, lemonade, etc.  You could totally go that route too.  It would still be inexpensive, but you'd avoid being tacky and, quite honestly, rude.

laurenNmatt2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_could-word-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:14efbf4d-c8c9-457a-aa6a-5b36aba1ec34Post:6aa1e924-9d4a-4a70-a497-f5a4f57e7901">Re: How could we word invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]When we considered a summer wedding, we were going for a night at the ballgame type feel.  We were going to barbecue dogs and burgers, have pretzels with cheese, popcorn, lemonade, etc.  You could totally go that route too.  It would still be inexpensive, but you'd avoid being tacky and, quite honestly, rude.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

I like that idea. Thank you for actually being constructive to our situation. That sounds like something us and our parents could afford to take care of.

J&K10910

FYI, you'll want to check your regulations--a lot of parks don't allow alcohol.

J&K10910

Aside from the whole "asking people to make food" thing, there are other problems.

Like food safety.  If I was at a potluck wedding, I probably wouldn't eat.  Because there's really no great way to keep hot food hot and cold food cold for that many people.

laurenNmatt2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_could-word-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:14efbf4d-c8c9-457a-aa6a-5b36aba1ec34Post:ce55e2f9-332b-40f1-96e0-ec0e81098ff3">Re: How could we word invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]If family offers to help make food for the wedding, that is totally fine!  But, you can't ask for it on the invitation. I would suggest telling your family you'd like to have a really casual potluck style reception, and see if they want to either help make something or offer their favorite recipes for you to make yourself. It is definitely against etiquette to have a potluck wedding - but you've said yourself that this is something your family would be open to, so I say you need to limit the people making food to a small number, only your closest family, and definitely don't ask all of your guests to bring something by putting it on the invitation. 
Posted by cebrady89[/QUOTE]


The minute we got engaged we've had multiple aunts insisting on making their "signature [insert food here]" for our reception. They are very old fashioned, family oriented "why spend money on a wedding?" type people. The thought of paying someone else to make food is ridiculous to about 50% of them lol.  Thanks for the input. I'll talk to the FH about just asking a few of the aunts that we're closest with to do food. His cousin already called dibs on making the cake. :)

J&K10910

You seem quite good at only seeing the advice that goes with what you want, but please at least consider what others are saying to you.

Snippylynn

My sister had a potluck wedding.  It was a disaster. A lot of people didn't bring anything, the stuff that was brought was... not good. It wasn't handled properly and a couple of people got sick afterward.  Because there wasn't very much food (and people didn't realize it cause hey... who would have a wedding with not enough food for everyone?!) myself and several other people didn't get to eat. 

Fact is-- you have to be very, VERY careful with this kind of thing, and it's probably better to skip it all together. I also think that people think 'catering' is expensive.  It doesn't have to be. Can't you get those party subs from Subway or even the fajita bar thing from Qdoba for relatively cheap?  I've also known several people who have done BBQ catered for cheap. 

Just please don't do a potluck

laurenNmatt2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_could-word-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:14efbf4d-c8c9-457a-aa6a-5b36aba1ec34Post:1b71a4a1-fda1-458a-83f8-291494766503">Re: How could we word invitations?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister had a potluck wedding.  It was a disaster. A lot of people didn't bring anything, the stuff that was brought was... not good. It wasn't handled properly and a couple of people got sick afterward.  Because there wasn't very much food (and people didn't realize it cause hey... who would have a wedding with not enough food for everyone?!) myself and several other people didn't get to eat.  Fact is-- you have to be very, VERY careful with this kind of thing, and it's probably better to skip it all together. I also think that people think 'catering' is expensive.  It doesn't have to be. Can't you get those party subs from Subway or even the fajita bar thing from Qdoba for relatively cheap?  I've also known several people who have done BBQ catered for cheap.  Just please don't do a potluck
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

I actually hadn't considered the classic Subway party sub. That would go well with the picnic reception. So would the BBQ. Thanks for the ideas.

j_jaye

I agree with Snippylyn. Potlucks can be disastourous. My DH is vegan and I am vegetarian and whenever we have a family potluck event I always bring something vegan because otherwise my DH wouldn't get to eat anything. Our last event (xmas party held in Nov) everyone who ate my aunts potato salad (with egg) got ill. Not such a big deal unless you are my 89 year old grandma with multiple medical conditions!

There are plenty of cheap catering options out there. 

laurenNmatt2013

@cebrady89 :Yeah, you're right. I don't think I worded it very well. And I would like to plan it to make sure that everything stays nice and sanitary and avoid a huge mess of nothing to eat.

@J&amp;K: I'm not ignoring posts that aren't entirely what I want to hear. Just because I'm not responding, doesn't mean I'm not taking your advice into consideration. I am. My replies were mostly just to thank people that had good advice for alternatives and let them know that I like their ideas. I apologize if you felt I was ignoring anyone.

laurenNmatt2013

PS The reason we weren't sure whether or not to make sure everyone knows is because everyone we're inviting is very close to us and they have all been very eager to contribute something to the wedding. It seemed like a good way to include everyone who wanted to be included. BUT, I do see what you guys are saying about making sure we get the right equipment to keep everything sanitary IF we do decide that family will make the food.

laurenNmatt2013

Pizza Hut! I love that idea!

Avion22

There are a lot of inexpensive ways to cater a wedding that don't involve guests bringing food.  Since you're going for a picnic feel anyway, you have LOTS of possibilities.   Party subs or sandwich trays from the grocery store are good, or you could find your favoriet local restaurant and ask how much it it would cost to provide food for that number of people.  I've been to house paties where the guests have ordered fajitas and tacos from a mexican restaraunt, or pasta from the local italian restaraunt, etc.  If you have a good local BBQ place, then that's another FANTASTIC option.

The food safety aspect is a really important thing that people don't consider when they think of family/friends making and bringing food.   People who cater will have this part taken care of without you having to worry about it.

redheadfsu

If your family provides food, just make sure they still enjoy the wedding.

Because if your family prepares everything they turn into vendors, that are stressed & working during your wedding. So your Dad, Mom, Aunts, Etc. won't enjoy the day, but will be running around trying to feed people (plus the possible issues that other pps mentioned). Don't you want your family to be about to talk, relax, have fun, laugh, and enjoy your wedding?

I would recommend trying to find really inexpensive food options that you can provide. Subway, Firehouse, stuff from costco, a cheap BBQ place in town, a spread from KFC, etc. Or does your town have a food truck you could hire for the day?

July2012bride

I'd also look into your local grocery store.  I know our Giant Eagle here does a lot of catering stuff and you can get salads, chicken, etc. for relatively cheap.  If you pay a bit more they will give you the chafing dishes.  You would just need to ensure things that need to stay cold are on ice.

StephBeanWed61502

Boston Market does catering as well - some of their food could go quite well at a "picnic" style event, and I believe they will also provide staff to man the buffet to actually serve your guests (which helps with portion control and also, IMHO classes things up a bit).  Check it out:  http://www.bostonmarket.com/catering/index.jsp?page=package

ArynBaker

OP, if it were me I'd have the reception catered (PPs mentioned great options!) and if the family members insisted they want to contribute some type of food you could have a dessert buffet/table with homemade desserts. 

Edit: I just read the rehearsal dinner suggestino and I really like that one as well! 

maribeth721

I would have this catered or you provide the food yourself. It would be rude to expect guests to bring food to a wedding. And even though you would want to say "no gifts" you know most people will bring them anyways. Then they will have that on top of the food? You should be providing that to your guests - you are the host.