Wedding Etiquette Forum

Attacked. Vent :'( -Family, Bridesmaid - Kinda long story.

I got engaged in August and chose 4 bridesmaids right away. One being my cousin who lives close-by and is the same age as me. We've never been very close despite our close proximity and age. She's always been a bit quiet and I the opposite. In recent years before the engagement, we've gotten closer - chatting on the phone regularly, though I'm always the one who initiates. She's very kind and supportive of me and vise-versa. My cousin got engaged a few months after me in December. And I'm sure she hasn't made me a bridesmaid of hers. Though she had made reference prior to her engagement that I would be. I'm kinda of surprised she hasn't asked me but I'm okay with letting that go. My MOH lives in LA and is unable to plan a bridal shower for me, so she sent an email to all my bridesmaids regarding and NO ONE responded to her. A month later my MOH sent another email regarding a Bachelorette party and again NO ONE responded. Rude IMO. So I sent a nice msg to the girls saying basically that they should atleast acknowledge her msg so she knows that they've received it. My cousin responded to me saying "we're going to plan you an amazing shower not to worry!" And I thanked her and said that she can contact my mother and she will help. My parents are divorced and ALL of my family is on my dads side.
 
Anyways, I just had Easter brunch with my family (my dads side, my cousin/bridesmaid and my aunt and uncle (her parents). And at the end of the meal we started discussing when the family would get together again, and I said "oh and I'll have a bridal shower around then (around my grammas bday). And my uncle says "I wonder who you want to plan that for you!!" And my aunt says "ya dont you have other bridesmaids??!!" and my uncle says "don't you have other friends!!" and I said "yes" At this point I was totally caught off guard and didn't even know what to say. My aunt says "why aren't your other bridesmaids planning it?" I said "well they're not very organized..." I just didn't know what to say. And then my aunt says "oh you think H*******(my cousin) is?! haha" and my cousin looked quite uncomfortable at this point. I just left it and didn't say anymore and said goodbye and left the brunch. I feel like my cousin has complained that I've asked her to plan my shower like shouldn't I have closer friends for this? And I never asked her to plan my shower either. I feel like this also adds to the fact she hasn't asked me to be a BM. I have plenty of friends that have even asked my why I haven't included them in the wedding party but I felt like choosing my cousin is choosing someone who will always be in my life and a way for us to become closer! Family is important to me and I just feel totally attacked and stupid. I want to say something to my cousin but I'm not sure what or if I even should.

I would really appreciate some guidance and advice.  

Re: Attacked. Vent :'( -Family, Bridesmaid - Kinda long story.

  • You should talk to your cousin and tell her you're sorry she felt like you were asking her to plan your shower for you.  Let her know it was a misunderstanding and you were simply asking that she respond to the MOH when she emails her. 

    just leave it at that.  No need to go into detail b/c it already seems blown way out of proportion. 
  • Yes, it definitely sounds like your cousin has told them things,and then they took the opportunity to make jabs at you about it, which is shiitty.  I think what Stackeye said sounds good....tell her it was a misunderstanding and then leave it alone.  And I might limit much wedding talk around her,too.  Your family sounds a little like mine, so I sympathize!
    imageDaisypath Wedding tickers
  • I agree with Stackeye, let your cousin know you're sorry if she felt pressured and leave it at that. 

  • I have to admit, I am a little confused.... It sounds to me like your MOH was trying to make sure something was planned for you and no one responded, correct? And then when they didn't respond a second time, you e-mailed them all and asked them to please respond to her. Then, your cousin responded  to you, "we are going to plan you an amazing shower." To me, that doesn't sound like your cousin is planning it at all since she said WE. It sounds like she was thinking the other BM's and her would all get together and plan it.

    Personally, I don't think you should have gotten involved and e-mailed anyone about the bachelorette or shower. Those things are supposed to be done FOR you, you shouldn't have any part in contacting people about who is planning it. That kind of puts people on the spot. Of course if they tell you they are doing it and need addresses, etc that is fine. But to me, you shouldn't at all be involved in asking people to plan something for you, even if you are just following up for your MOH. 

    Just curious, did anyone ever tell you a specific date of a shower? I didn't follow that part. You said at your family's dinner how you told everyone you would see them at your shower around your grandma's b-day. I didn't see where anyone told you that you were having a shower then. Did anyone ever contact your mom to help like you told them to? 

    I hate to say it, but it sounds like your BM's aren't able/willing to throw you a shower. If they aren't responding to e-mails about it and your family is reacting that your cousin isn't doing it, then maybe you should consider that you aren't getting one. Your cousin may have originally thought that all the BM"s would get together and throw you a shower but then maybe she had the same bad luck as your MOH and no one responded to her. It sounds to me like she isn't able to do it herself and maybe she even complained to the family about it. You do owe her an apology if you put it out there that she is throwing you a shower on a specific date when she never actually said that. 

    I don't know if I am reading your post wrong, but the whole thing sounds like a big miscommunication and I think you are the one in the wrong if you put it out there that your cousin is throwing you a shower that she clearly isn't planning.
  • Yeah I see where Cara is coming from. While I know you meant well, I think you should have just left the planning to your MOH to handle. That's over and done with though, nothing can be done about it now. Just talk to your cousin and explain to her that your MOH would love to do more, but cannot since she is not local, and that she wanted to insure that something got done for you.  Tell her that despite this, you didn't mean for her to feel burdened with the responsibility of planning the whole thing, or mean to make her feel pressured. 

    It sucks, but you just might not have a shower planned for you by your BMs. Maybe a family member or other friend will offer. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • If the BMs didn't respond to your MOH you should have suggested to your MOH to contact your mom. Since that's what you suggested to your cousin. Your MOH can still plan the shower from far away, it might just take a little legwork from someone in the area. Sounds like your mom would be willing to help with that. You should have never contacted the other BMs to push them into planning you a shower. Some brides just don't get showers. Sorry.

    You owe your cousin an apology for putting her on the spot and assuming she was planning something. I agree with Cara. How did you know when your shower was going to be if no one has planned one for you.

    Sounds like a lot of miscommunication and assumption happening.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attacked-vent-family-bridesmaid-kinda-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:152186c6-d5d1-47d9-99ca-c26998e9cd84Post:ccb45c52-59dd-4897-bc99-04bddb26c6a2">Re: Attacked. Vent :'( -Family, Bridesmaid - Kinda long story.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I have to admit, I am a little confused.... It sounds to me like your MOH was trying to make sure something was planned for you and no one responded, correct? </strong><em>Yes exactly.</em>

     <strong>And then when they didn't respond a second time, you e-mailed them all and asked them to please respond to her. </strong><em>Yes I did ask them to respond to her emails nothing about planning though. My MOH felt like maybe the other girls didn't like her and asked me to contact the girls and ask if they had received the msg. I wanted to remain out of it and honor my MOH so I just asked them if they got the msgs and if so to please respond. None of my BMs really know eachother. </em>

    <strong>Then, your cousin responded  to you, "we are going to plan you an amazing shower." To me, that doesn't sound like your cousin is planning it at all since she said WE. It sounds like she was thinking the other BM's and her would all get together and plan it.</strong> <em>I completely agree that's why I'm not sure why it seemed my cousin thought the resonsibility was soley on her.</em>

    <strong>Personally, I don't think you should have gotten involved and e-mailed anyone about the bachelorette or shower. Those things are supposed to be done FOR you, you shouldn't have any part in contacting people about who is planning it.</strong> <em>I agree, and I never contacted people about who's planning what. All I wanted was for the BMs to respond to someone who was kindly trying to do something for me. Not too much to ask. And the first msg from my MOH was just to let the girls know she wouldn't be able to assist in planning a shower as she's long distance.</em>

    That kind of puts people on the spot. Of course if they tell you they are doing it and need addresses, etc that is fine. But to me, you shouldn't at all be involved in asking people to plan something for you, even if you are just following up for your MOH. 

    <strong>Just curious, did anyone ever tell you a specific date of a shower? I didn't follow that part. You said at your family's dinner how you told everyone you would see them at your shower around your grandma's b-day. I didn't see where anyone told you that you were having a shower then. </strong><em>After I asked the girls if they had received my MOHs emails my cousin's response was "sorry I'm horrible with emailing back, we're going to plan you an amazing shower!" I wasn't trying to seem like I was hinting at them to plan a shower, I would be fine if they had written her saying for whatever reasons shower etc were not in the plans. But that is what my cousin wrote back and then she asked me what would be a good time for the shower and I said maybe August. And we had a small discussion about that. </em>

    <strong>Did anyone ever contact your mom to help like you told them to?  </strong><em>No. But my mom wants to do most of the planning for the shower, she is just unable to host it at her house.... My cousin and my mom do not speak. </em>

    I hate to say it, but it sounds like your BM's aren't able/willing to throw you a shower. If they aren't responding to e-mails about it and your family is reacting that your cousin isn't doing it, then maybe you should consider that you aren't getting one. <strong>Your cousin may have originally thought that all the BM"s would get together and throw you a shower but then maybe she had the same bad luck as your MOH and no one responded to her.</strong> <em>There's only 4 BMs in total including my cousin and my MOH. </em>

    <strong>It sounds to me like she isn't able to do it herself and maybe she even complained to the family about it. You do owe her an apology if you put it out there that she is throwing you a shower on a specific date when she never actually said that. </strong><em>I definitely did not just fabricate that my cousin is throwing me a shower... all I've done was ask the girls to respond to my MOH which I think is reasonable. My cousin responded with "not to worry we're going to plan you an amazing shower" I did feel awkward when she said that because that's not what I was trying to imply. But our conversation did then lead into an approx date. Regardless, I think the attack from my family was totally uncalled for and plain rude. And I'm having a hard time seeing where I'd be in the wrong in this case. </em>

    I don't know if I am reading your post wrong, but the whole thing sounds like a big miscommunication and I think you are the one in the wrong if you put it out there that your cousin is throwing you a shower that she clearly isn't planning.
    Posted by cara91997[/QUOTE]
  • Just a thought, but did you ever ponder maybe they are planning a SURPRIZE party? Stop worrying about it, somebody will take care of it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attacked-vent-family-bridesmaid-kinda-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:152186c6-d5d1-47d9-99ca-c26998e9cd84Post:4bf117f1-738e-431c-8695-1313d9424555">Re: Attacked. Vent :'( -Family, Bridesmaid - Kinda long story.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the BMs didn't respond to your MOH you should have suggested to your MOH to contact your mom. Since that's what you suggested to your cousin. Your MOH can still plan the shower from far away, it might just take a little legwork from someone in the area. Sounds like your mom would be willing to help with that. <strong>You should have never contacted the other BMs to push them into planning you a shower. Some brides just don't get showers.</strong> <em>Can you explain how I pushed them into planning me a shower? I'm not sure how I did that... I contacted all the girls in a mass msg after my MOH had requested I did as she felt dissed that two msgs went without acknowledgement. My msg to the girls never said anything about planning/showers/parties all it said was: H*****(my MOH) was wondering if you received her msgs, she's concerned you've haven't gotten them as she hasn't gotten a response. If you've received her emails can you please respond so that she knows you've received it.
    </em>

    Sorry. You owe your cousin an apology for putting her on the spot and assuming she was planning something. I agree with Cara. How did you know when your shower was going to be if no one has planned one for you. Sounds like a lot of miscommunication and assumption happening.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]
  • Honestly I don't really give two craps about having a shower... The point of my post was I felt completely attacked and I was trying to figure out how to go about solving this, and where my cousin was coming from. I'm hurt that by the sounds of it my cousin has complained behind my back and my family took Easter brunch as a time to attack me. I never tried to involve myself in planning anything! All I asked was for my BMs to kindly respond to someone who was doing something nice for me. I don't know why my cousin, aunt or uncle assumed somehow I've dumped this onto my cousin... or if possibly she complained that to her parents though it wasn't even the case just to poke at me. I feel like maybe my cousin looked uncomfortable when they were making those comments because that was never the case yet maybe my aunt and uncle somehow got that impression.

  • The simplelest way to resolve this - as others have said: apologize to your cousin. as has been said earlier " Let her know it was a misunderstanding and you were simply asking that she respond to the MOH when she emails her.  "

    Were your aunt & uncle rude to you? Yes, I think they were but you aren't going to do anything but make the situation worse if you do anything other than apologize to your cousin and drop it. drop the whole subject and move on.

    It may be that you won't be having a shower or a bachelorette party - it may be that no one will offer to host them for you, that IS sad and it DOES hurt but that may be what happens.  These events can add up to a lot of money and it may be that no one feels they can afford to do either or both and it's not that people don't like you or don't want to do nice things for you, it may be that it is beyond their means.

    You asked for advice and several people have all said the same thing - apologize to your cousin that she misunderstood your message, you were just asking her to respond to the MOH's email. Then drop it.


  • Sarah, if the emails your MOH sent to the other BMs were about planning the shower, and you then emailed all of your BMs making sure they responded/saw the emails from your MOH, that is, in fact, implying to them that you expect a shower, regardless if your MOH requested you message them or not. That's why everyone is saying your shouldn't have pushed the shower on your BMs.

    When your MOH told you about not getting responses from the girls you should have said that you won't be involved and, as I said in my previous post, directed her to your mother. Who, you've now since said would be doing most of the planning anyway.

    If that's the case, and your mother is planning everything, why do the BMs need to be involved or respond to your MOH?? Let your mother plan it, and forget about it. You should still tell your cousin you're sorry for any misunderstanding your email might have caused.
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  • Sarah, if the emails your MOH sent to the other BMs were about planning the shower, and you then emailed all of your BMs making sure they responded/saw the emails from your MOH, that is, in fact, implying to them that you expect a shower. Absolutely not. Asking girls if they received an email and if so to respond is in no way implying I expect a shower whatsoever. A response means they have the ability to say whatever they like - shower, no shower whatever! And I only sent an email to the girls after two emails that were more than a month apart went unanswered.

    regardless if your MOH requested you message them or not. That's why everyone is saying your shouldn't have pushed the shower on your BMs. Actually you're the only person that said. I'm not going to get into the linguistics.
     
    When your MOH told you about not getting responses from the girls you should have said that you won't be involved and, as I said in my previous post, directed her to your mother. Who, you've now since said would be doing most of the planning anyway. If that's the case, and your mother is planning everything, why do the BMs need to be involved or respond to your MOH?? Let your mother plan it, and forget about it. You should still tell your cousin you're sorry for any misunderstanding your email might have caused.

    I have since said to my cousin via a msg that I left brunch a bit confused as to why her parents said that and I'm sorry if she got the impression I wanted her to host a shower for me. She responded that her parents do not know anything regarding my wedding plans and that they really just meant why wasn't my MOH planning it.  I don't know if thats truly the case because I feel the jabs were pretty pointed. I guess I'm a bit sensitive to my aunt and uncles comments because my cousin has also not asked me to be a BMs, so it's like doesn't Sarah have any friends? Either way I'm accepting it and letting it go, as well as taking the other posters advice not to mention too much wedding stuff to my cousin.  

  • You've gotten all the advice you need on the shower end, but I just wanted to point out that your cousin, is in no way obligated to make you her BM.  Full stop.  Just as you were in no way obligated to make HER a BM if you two weren't that close in the first place.  It looks like you did choose her because she was in the area, and wanted her to help you with stuff. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attacked-vent-family-bridesmaid-kinda-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:152186c6-d5d1-47d9-99ca-c26998e9cd84Post:3479ac5c-12cb-4773-a2cf-7a22f006445e">Re: Attacked. Vent :'( -Family, Bridesmaid - Kinda long story.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sarah, if the emails your MOH sent to the other BMs were about planning the shower, and you then emailed all of your BMs making sure they responded/saw the emails from your MOH, that is, in fact, implying to them that you expect a shower. Absolutely not. Asking girls if they received an email and if so to respond is in no way implying I expect a shower whatsoever. A response means they have the ability to say whatever they like - shower, no shower whatever! And I only sent an email to the girls after two emails that were more than a month apart went unanswered. regardless if your MOH requested you message them or not. That's why everyone is saying your shouldn't have pushed the shower on your BMs . Actually you're the only person that said. I'm not going to get into the linguistics.   When your MOH told you about not getting responses from the girls you should have said that you won't be involved and, as I said in my previous post, directed her to your mother. Who, you've now since said would be doing most of the planning anyway. If that's the case, and your mother is planning everything, why do the BMs need to be involved or respond to your MOH?? Let your mother plan it, and forget about it. You should still tell your cousin you're sorry for any misunderstanding your email might have caused. I have since said to my cousin via a msg that I left brunch a bit confused as to why her parents said that and I'm sorry if she got the impression I wanted her to host a shower for me. She responded that her parents do not know anything regarding my wedding plans and that they really just meant why wasn't my MOH planning it.  I don't know if thats truly the case because I feel the jabs were pretty pointed. I guess I'm a bit sensitive to my aunt and uncles comments because my cousin has also not asked me to be a BMs, so it's like doesn't Sarah have any friends? Either way I'm accepting it and letting it go, as well as taking the other posters advice not to mention too much wedding stuff to my cousin.  
    Posted by sarah0632[/QUOTE]

    Forgive me for using the word pushed. If I got an email from an MOH about a shower and didn't respond, then the bride was emailing me asking me to respond, then yes I would feel slightly pressured that the bride was expecting a shower. So sorry, I still think you should have stayed out of it. You're not going to change my mind on that.

    Snippy's right, she's not obligated to make you a BM, and if you two aren't that close I don't know why you wanted her to be one of yours.
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  • I'm sorry OP.  I would have probably cried if I got called out like that in front of everyone at a family thing.  Whether or not your email to the BMs seemed pushy, it's a really d*ck thing for your aunt and uncle to do to jab you about not having any friends at Easter brunch (I am sure you do have friends and they were kidding, but that's a really mean joke).  There's not a lot you can do about the fact that your aunt and uncle were so rude to you...which is probably why PPs have suggested to just apologize for any misunderstanding with the cousin and move on.  But I do think it's worth mentioning that you have every right to feel hurt and angry at your aunt and uncle because what they did was really mean. 
  • @ NOLA thank you. I did feel like crying I thought it was completely mean. My brother and my dad who were there have both since contacted me to ask if I was okay and to say that it was really rude. I apologized to my cousin if she had felt that I've somehow implied I want her to host me a shower because that was never my intention.

    @mkrupar I guess people take things differently. I don't think asking my BMs if they received my MOHs two emails about two different things is pushing anything more than please reply to an email. When I msged them I really didn't care what they said... The second email was about a bachelorette in Vegas and I'm doing to a joint with another friend so if my BMs can't make it it totally fine, but I just wanted them to acknowledge my MOH.

    I know my cousin is not obligated to make me a BMs. I'm surprised she hasn't. I don't think it's weird that I asked her to be a BM, she's family who will always be in my life and I wanted to share this with her...

    Thanx for everyone's advice.
  • jlin8188jlin8188 member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2011

    I completely understand you POV bc you want to have a close knit family and thought that by including your cousin as a BM would accomplish that. You feel hurt that  your cousin didnt feel the same way by not including you in her wedding. I think you are starting a new life with your FI and need to accept that things may not be as close with your family as you would like.  Sounds to me that you have closer friends than you do family and should have asked them to be part of your WP. No point in beating yourself up about it and or apologizing for it.  I think that at this juncture in anyones life, being honest is the best way to be. Be honest without being catty and stay true to yourself, and if she is this much drama then limit your interaction with her from now.  Best of luck to you.

    Thank you!
  • No one should have said anything to you about the shower. That seems to be the big issue here. If noone was responding why couldn't someone make a call? The last thing anyone should have done was to tell you or expect you to handle it. I don't understand what is going on with the cousin but I would talk to her. Your aunt and uncle were way out of line and there is no excuse for that.

  • I don't understand why all of you are attacking her on this issue. She clearly stated that her moh asked her to e-mail these ladies she doesn't know to ask if they are getting her e-mails, and if so to respond to her. The only pressure she would have put on any of her bm's was to give a simple response, and she wouldn't care what the response was and she never asked them to include her in on the response. I think some of you bridezillas need to chill out and read what was being written before inserting extra lines to the story that clearly weren't there. Go fabricate your own stories if you want to be story tellers! To OP, I don't think you were in the wrong and if your cousin had any troubles understanding what you had any questions to why you were getting involved to the e-mails she should have asked you. I'm not sure that an apology is needed but it may just be helpful to do to keep your family from thinking your the big bad wolf in the situation and so if she does decide to tell your aunt and uncle anything else it was that you were the bigger person and apologized for the misinderstanding! Good luck!
  • I would also like to correct myself. Not Everyone who has posted back was negative but the good handful of you should have taken the words of thumpers mother from Bambi and "if have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attacked-vent-family-bridesmaid-kinda-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:152186c6-d5d1-47d9-99ca-c26998e9cd84Post:f30df7e1-663c-4f65-bb9d-b6d1f4dd0839">Re: Attacked. Vent :'( -Family, Bridesmaid - Kinda long story.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would also like to correct myself. Not Everyone who has posted back was negative but the good handful of you should have taken the words of thumpers mother from Bambi and<strong> "if have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all."
    </strong>Posted by LyssasweddingWed117092[/QUOTE]

    Oh FFS. No one was rude to her. Simply offering opinions on why things might have gone down the way they did. We're adults here. I don't have to be scolded and told to be nice. Thanks Mooom.

    This is a forum. If you (general you, not just the OP) don't want negative advice you shouldn't post on a board where people can respond as they please.

    Op's aunt and uncle shouldn't have talked to her like that. But there was some miscommunication that happened. It seems she emailed the cousin to clear things up.
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  • Just to clarify, I wasn't trying to attack the OP. I was just offering suggestions as to why things may have played out the way they did. the way I read the original post was that the MOH contacted the BM's twice about the shower/bachelorette and then asked the bride to contact them. For all I knew, she said, "Hey, MOH has been trying to contact you about throwing me a shower, can you please respond to her?" I see now where you were just trying to help out the MOH. I still think others might have seen it as asking for a shower, even though that is obviously not at all what you intended.

    I had a similar situation recently where I was in the wedding. Another BM and I tried to get some stuff going on--help planning the shower, bachelorette, etc. The MOH and other BM would never get back to us. It was a pain. We never told the bride because we didn't want her to feel bad or to get involved in any stress about the planning of these things. The bride has enough to worry about with the wedding.

    Sarah, I apologize if I sounded harsh in any way. I did not mean to. I was just offering advice on how I thought the situation may have been perceived by your BM's including your cousin. Honestly, I thought if your MOH contacted them twice and then you wrote to them, that would be the third time they got an e-mail on the shower/bachelorette topic, even though you didn't mention the shower if they read the original e-mails they knew what you were talking about.

    I do think your cousin is somewhat to blame if she went as far as asking you when was a good date for your shower. You didn't mention that in the original post and that's why I asked where the date came from. It does sound like your cousin messed up a bit. I think she either flaked out on the shower or maybe she is just too busy planning her own wedding. Your aunt and uncle were probably trying to get the point across that you shouldn't expect a shower from her. They were very rude about it though, I agree.

    I don't know your family dynamic, but it sounds like you have it worked out with your cousin now. I would probably drop it at this point.



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_attacked-vent-family-bridesmaid-kinda-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:152186c6-d5d1-47d9-99ca-c26998e9cd84Post:832e477f-580d-4ffd-9fa9-31111fdb378a">Re: Attacked. Vent :'( -Family, Bridesmaid - Kinda long story.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't understand why all of you are attacking her on this issue. She clearly stated that her moh asked her to e-mail these ladies she doesn't know to ask if they are getting her e-mails, and if so to respond to her. The only pressure she would have put on any of her bm's was to give a simple response, and she wouldn't care what the response was and she never asked them to include her in on the response. I think some of you bridezillas need to chill out and read what was being written before inserting extra lines to the story that clearly weren't there. Go fabricate your own stories if you want to be story tellers! To OP, I don't think you were in the wrong and if your cousin had any troubles understanding what you had any questions to why you were getting involved to the e-mails she should have asked you. I'm not sure that an apology is needed but it may just be helpful to do to keep your family from thinking your the big bad wolf in the situation and so if she does decide to tell your aunt and uncle anything else it was that you were the bigger person and apologized for the misinderstanding! Good luck!
    Posted by LyssasweddingWed117092[/QUOTE]

    </strong><em>Thank you! I was starting to feel like "where have I gone wrong!" I was defending myself again from PP based on assumptions that were never in my original post. Also I get called out for making my cousin a BM when we're not that close! I was sick of defending myself for being an honest, caring person with everyone's best interests at heart. I really don't care about who plans what or if I have anything planned for me, I'm marrying the LOVE of my life and could not be more blessed. I want everyone to be happy and celebrate and not feel burdened by me or my wedding. I was just trying to include my cousin and bring us closer, and respect my MOH for all of her efforts. I felt like some PP were basically calling me selfish for pushing a shower on other people and stupid for making my not-so-close cousin a BM in hopes to have a tight knit family. Thank you to all who commented in a supportive way. </em>
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