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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Time to move on?

We got married a few months ago.  His friend was his best man orignially and his wife is my friend and was a bridesmaid.  Well original best man was a big pain and caused trouble so I told him to knock it off.  He got all pissy and told my husband to pick another best man because I hate him.  He does this all the time w/ his wife about everything and then she begs him to change his mind.  He is quite manipulative.  Well we were not going to play these drama games with him and just said okay and his brother was the best man. 

This was weeks before wedding and then he began begging us to let him be best man again but programs were already printed and we wouldn't have changed it anyways.  He said okay and appeared fine w/ it.  Very nice and helpful at the wedding.

So, now he travels a lot for work so we don't see them as much anyways.  They seem to never want to talk to us.  Or if we make a date to hang out they cancel.  Or they will do the very fake yeah let's get together in a few weeks comment, when truly not actually meaning to do it.  I dont want to give up too early because they are our friends and we miss them.  Also it has always been us having to contact them to hang out and if for some reason we don't within a reasonable amount of time they jump to "you guys never want to hang out with us".  So I don;t want to give up to early but at the same time it already feels like it's over.

I get the commet you drop them from the WP you end the friendship but we didn't necessarily drop him, he up and volunteered and then pouted.

Thoughts?

Re: Time to move on?

  • He's just not that into you.
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  • This guy sounds like a pain in the behind.  I wouldn't bother with him anymore.
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  • Oh he is, much more of my husbands friend.  However it's more his wife that I was friends with so therefore I don't get to see her anymore either.
  • Right, but really... they don't seem to want to be friends with you guys.  You said they cancel, they don't initiate- these are not the things people do if they want to be friends.  It sucks, but it's reality. 

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  • Yeah its definitely time to move on. They both just aren't that into you.
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  • Thanks that's kinda what I thought.  It's just sad and weird not talking to her after being friends for 15 years.  Just didnt want to give up on it too fast after that many years.  Thanks!
  • Wow, 15 years...this must be hard for you!  It sounds like the guy is a jerk, but since you were close with his wife, I can see how this would be frustrating. I've become close with some of FI's friend's girlfriends/wives, and if he loses touch with them, I usually end up losing touch with her as well. It shouldn't be that way, but it just happens sometimes. For now, I wouldn't bother trying to make plans with them, and if they ask just tell them, "We were waiting for you to initiate the next outing because it seems as though you have been really busy lately with all of the cancellations" and see where it goes from there. Maybe they didn't realize that they weren't putting in the effort, or like other's have said, they may just not be into the friendship anymore.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-move?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:15de093c-8018-4030-a7f8-328174fc284bPost:9a6add0f-50bc-4bdb-92af-350f43056e26">Time to move on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We got married a few months ago.  His friend was his best man orignially and his wife is my friend and was a bridesmaid.  Well original best man was a big pain and caused trouble so <strong>I told him to knock it off</strong>.  He got all pissy and told my husband to pick another best man because <strong>I hate him</strong>.  He does this all the time w/ his wife about everything and then she begs him to change his mind.  <strong>He is quite manipulative.</strong>  Well we were not going to play these drama games with him and just said okay and his brother was the best man.  This was weeks before wedding and then he began begging us to let him be best man again but programs were already printed and we wouldn't have changed it anyways.  He said okay and appeared fine w/ it.  Very nice and helpful at the wedding. So, now he travels a lot for work so we don't see them as much anyways.  They seem to never want to talk to us.  Or if we make a date to hang out they cancel.  Or they will do the very fake yeah let's get together in a few weeks comment, when truly not actually meaning to do it.  I dont want to give up too early because <strong>they are our friends</strong> and we miss them.  Also it has always been us having to contact them to hang out and if for some reason we don't within a reasonable amount of time they jump to "you guys never want to hang out with us".  So I don;t want to give up to early but at the same time it already feels like it's over. I get the commet you drop them from the WP you end the friendship but we didn't necessarily drop him, he up and volunteered and then pouted. Thoughts?
    Posted by winter0412[/QUOTE]

    One of these things is not like the other.

    If she's been your friend for 15 years and has never taken the intiative to contact you, I'm surprised you stayed friends. But if you've been friends for so long, why don't you just call her and ask her if everything's ok? Ya know, discuss the situation. You two can be friends even if you and her H don't get along.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-move?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:15de093c-8018-4030-a7f8-328174fc284bPost:359afe0d-5571-4fb1-9404-1adc92317888">Re: Time to move on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Time to move on? : One of these things is not like the other. Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    This is the best thing I have heard all week!!
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  • winter0412winter0412 member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010

    Ok, sorry my bad.  Since I moved to college she has not been initiating much, so like the last 5 years.  They both always just expected we'd let them know when we'd be home and absolutely had to hang out w/ them each time.  He is too controlling over her.  He probably convinced her not to be friends w/ us either.  She just says they've been busy, which I know they have but it seems like a lot more than that.
    She would just never hang out w/ me w/o it being the 4 of us like it has been the last 5-6 years.  He would make her feel too guilty about it.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-move?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:15de093c-8018-4030-a7f8-328174fc284bPost:0bf54170-9aba-4c7e-afd4-adde144e8e13">Re: Time to move on?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh he is, much more of my husbands friend.  However it's more his wife that I was friends with so therefore I don't get to see her anymore either.
    Posted by winter0412[/QUOTE]

    You guys can't hang out without your husbands?
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  • OH I can, he however would probably make her feel guilty about it so we really kinda cant.
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