MOH *and* Wedding Planner?

SpokenVows

I'm not really sure if this should go here or somewhere else. Please, correct me if this is in the wrong section.

My MOH is a girl I've known more or less my whole life, and I couldn't be happier with my choice. She knows me better than almost anyone, and has been a great help with wedding planning. Recently, she expressed interest in wanting to be a wedding planner and how much fun she is having helping me plan. Currently, I don't have an "official" wedding planner, so I especially love the help she has given me. But, she's also a college student and could always use money. So, even though she is my MOH and enjoying helping me, the thought has crossed my mind about actually hiring her as my wedding planner so that she can also earn some money while helping me out. I'm sure there is a distinct obvious answer to this, but it's not quite clicking in my head, yet, haha. Any thoughts on this? Would this against etiquette to have her as my wedding planner, as well? Would it be tacky to have her as both?

ETA: Come the day of the wedding, I would just let her enjoy being my MOH and not working as my wedding planner.

scottswife1106

My MOH is my best friend and helped me plan my wedding from the beginning to the end. It was great working with her. Just know that on the day of the wedding, you are going to have to have someone in charge. I had a DOC and it was perfect.

I don't have an opinion on paying her. That is really up to you.

MyNameIsNot

I wouldn't recommend hiring her.  It certianly isn't an etiquette problem, just not smart.  Not that she wouldn't do a good job, but mixing friends with vendors is just a bad idea.  What happens when she makes a decision you don't like?  Or she gets busy with exams and drops the ball?  Or anything else?  And even if it doesn't bother you and you are happy to pay her anyway, what do you say if she does a crappy job but then wants you to rec her to other brides?

Outside of that, planners and DOCs are super busy on the day of the wedding.  If she does take on this task, she's going to have to help and coordinate all the other vendors on the day of, and you won't get to spend much time with her.  

With vendors, you need to be able to go to the contract and go to the business agreement if there is a problem or conflict.  With a friend, that's uncomfortable and problematic.  IMHO, this is just not a good idea.  I think it sets you up for all sorts of sticky situations that you could easily avoid.  

mags0607

I wouldn't hire her as a wedding planner, but keep thanking her for the help she is giving you and expressing how much you appreciate it. Once everything is done, I would get her something extra, like a Visa giftcard or something, and let her know how much you appreciated her help.

Hiring someone in an official role sets different expectations on them, and she might feel added pressure if you are trying to pay her for her help.

aragx6

I would accept all the help she wants to give as a MOH, buy her a very gracious gift at the end of it, and, if you have the money, consider hiring a Day-of-coordinator.

baystateapple

One of my BMs offered to bake our wedding cake for us.  I originally took her up on it, but after a few months of thinking about it, I realized it would be nigh on impossible for her to do it.  We were getting married out of state, she didn't have a refrigerated vehicle to bring the cake in, and she had no place on-site to create it.  I asked her if she would prefer to just be a BM, and she was relieved that I had said it, since she hadn't wanted to "back out" of baking our cake. 

Mixing friends and vendors is always touchy.  I wouldn't hire her, I would just thank her and maybe buy her an extra thank-you gift after the wedding is over.  Also, if she does decide to go into the wedding planning business, you can offer her a glowing recommendation to use for her portfolio and cite the many ways she helped you in planning your wedding.

sarah0725

Well, we have a number of "vendors" who are friends/family, including some of the important ones - Charlie's aunt is the florist, our good friend from college is the DJ, and my brother is singing. We have come across some complications, like when our DJ friend quoted us a number for his services that was a bit too high, and we had to decide whether having a reasonably-priced DJ or our friendship intact was more important (guess which we picked?).

You need to go into this with your eyes open. You might want to sit down with her and ask her to talk to you more about her plans, and see if she is really serious about wanting to start a wedding planning business. If you want to come up with some kind of pay arrangement, maybe you could have her be in charge of some particular aspect of the wedding, and offer to serve as a reference later on when she is starting her business.

So basically search your heart and make sure you know all the pros and cons before you talk to your friend.

VRL

It's never a good idea to mix friendship and money.

A friend helping you with your wedding because she wants to is an entirely different dynamic than a hired professional planning your wedding.

If she, as your wedding planner, starts making suggestions or decisions you don't like or appreciate, how many times will you be able to say "no thank you" before your friend starts taking it personally?

What if the amount of money you're willing to spend isn't the amount she's expecting for her services? How comfortable will you be negotiating wages?

What if she doesn't put the time and effort on your wedding planning that you're expecting now that you're paying her? Will your friendship with her be able to handle you voicing your disappointment with her professional conduct, and potentially firing her in favor of someone else?

How will you separate Planner / Client time and mentality from You / Her friendship time?

There's a lot of pitfalls in involving a (as of yet) non-professional friend in a professional 'transaction' like wedding planning services. If you think the two of you can make your way around it and still come out friends on the other side, you could try it. But I would  never hire my best friend to work at my wedding - far too many problems and differences in opinions could arise.

I think you're better off enjoying your time together, sharing in your mutual interest for wedding planning. You could offer to be one of her references if she ever did decide to start her own wedding planning business. I would then take the money you would have spent on her services and take her out for a nice spa day on you as a thank you for all her help.

SpokenVows

Thank you, ladies.

She's very in-tune with things, and wouldn't take offense to something if I say no as, as she's just not that kind of person, I wouldn't want to stress her out. I think I'll just keep her as my MOH and get her something especially nice after the wedding, as well as give her a great reference. I wouldn't want to lose her as a friend over planning one day of my life.

leia1979

My friend's sister and MOH was also her planner. She got her sister an extra nice gift for all the work she put in.

OP, that sounds like a good plan.

katieisawesome

I wouldn't hire her but if she is serious about wanting to become a planner, you could offer her a really good reference with photos and stuff afterwards.  That's what I would do anyway.

bellebride116

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-wedding-planner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:15f7e884-3928-4beb-bcdf-cafd3b0d1cd3Post:3f720fbc-7622-4b1c-bf3f-8f9cf472d8c8">Re: MOH *and* Wedding Planner?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would accept all the help she wants to give as a MOH, buy her a very gracious gift at the end of it, and, if you have the money, consider hiring a Day-of-coordinator.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

<div>This is great advice. </div>

mrjcre2011

I agree with all the commenters that hiring her is probably not the best idea. I have a wedding planner, and I LOVE her and all the help she is giving us, and I also have a MOH who is super attentive and helpful. I would never mix the two. My planner is my pitbull with vendors and the one who will be putting fires out on the day of. This is her job, so the day of she will be far too busy to enjoy the occasion. My MOH is my best friend and it's important to me to have her share in the joy and the fun. She couldn't do that as a planner. If she really wants to be a planner, definitely let her help you out as much as possible, give her a fantastic gift to thank her, and let her know when all is said and done (provided it's genuine) that she did a great job and you'd love to recommend her services as a planner to others. Let her enjoy helping in the planning stages and then enjoy the actual event when it happens. She's your best friend...don't you want her to let loose and have fun that day instead of work?