Wedding Etiquette Forum

mom passed away, want her on invitation.

unfortunately my mother is no longer with me. I really want her to be in the wedding invitations though. What is the proper way of putting her name in it? Im at a loss of what to say. Ive been told to put "the late" but I just dont like that. Frown
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Re: mom passed away, want her on invitation.

  • Besides saying "daughter of the late.." there is no other way to put your mom's name on the invitation, and a lot of people will say that even that is not proper. 

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Are you having programs? You could do a section like "In Loving Memory" and then list her there. 
  • What about adding to the bottom:

    The ceremony will be dedicated in loving memory to Jane Smith.

    Is that a good idea? My fiance and I are in the same dilemna. We have both lost our fathers. We are planning to say "together with their families" and possibly using my above idea. We are still thinking about it too.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-passed-away-want-her-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:16e3e1a7-c6bd-4125-9336-8afad518f012Post:cce34ffe-f130-4dae-a5cf-cc67cd10fdc3">Re: mom passed away, want her on invitation.</a>:
    [QUOTE]What about adding to the bottom: The ceremony will be dedicated in loving memory to Jane Smith. Is that a good idea? My fiance and I are in the same dilemna. We have both lost our fathers. We are planning to say "together with their families" and possibly using my above idea. We are still thinking about it too.
    Posted by kateguess22[/QUOTE]

    <div>I've never seen something like that on an invitation (I work in stationery) but that would be lovely on a program. The only thing you want to watch is that the wedding doesn't turn into something too sad. As long as your guests don't feel like they're at a memorial service rather than a wedding, that would be great. </div>
  • I'm sorry for your loss, but PPs are correct. The invitation is not the appropriate place for your mother. Find a way to honor her in some other way. I lost my mother almost 5 years ago. We had the pastry shop at our venue make loaves of Irish Soda Bread using her recipe and gave out recipe cards to those who wanted them. I also had a song that was near and dear to her and my father played during our sand ceremony.

    I'm a fan of the memorials that aren't overtly drawing attention to the fact that a parent is not there. To me it's a day to celebrate, not mourn, and having a lot of memorial type things just makes it sad to me.

    Other suggestions would be to have your florist wrap a charm with your mother's picture in ig in your bouquet, leave the seat in the front row where she would be sitting empty with a single rose, place photos of her and other deceased family members on a table at the reception. There are lots of things you can do to memorialize her, but the invitation is not the place.
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  • I completely understand why you'd want your mom's name on the invitations.  My father passed 9 years ago, and I will always have a little bit of pain knowing that his name was on my sister's invitations, but it won't be on mine.  It makes sense to me.

    Unfortunately, a deceased person cannot issue an invitation to an event.  The invitation must be issued by those who are actually present to host it.  It does suck, I really know that feeling, but it's just not appropriate.  I wish my dad's name could be on there too, but it can't.

    I will have some subtle memories of him around me that day, and I know he will be there with me regardless.  I just have to suck it up and get over the invitation thing.
  • I think saying something "in loving memory of......." is a nice thing to do, i would put it on the program not the invites

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-passed-away-want-her-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:16e3e1a7-c6bd-4125-9336-8afad518f012Post:65e3dbb8-f8a5-4a9b-b239-9838cd70fcb6">Re: mom passed away, want her on invitation.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Other suggestions would be to have your <strong>florist wrap a charm with your mother's picture in ig in your bouquet, leave the seat in the front row where she would be sitting empty with a single rose</strong>, place photos of her and other deceased family members on a table at the reception. There are lots of things you can do to memorialize her, but the invitation is not the place.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]
    My father passed away 10 years ago, and I plan on doing the ideas mentioned above as a way to remember him on my wedding day. I don't plan on putting his name on the invitations as that's not really appropriate, but I think remembering him by leaving an empty seat and having his picture with me is the best thing to do.<div>
    </div><div>I'm really sorry for your loss.</div>
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  • edited January 2012
    Thanks for all the great advice! Wish she was just here so her name could be on it. This has been the hardest time for me, everyone needs there mother on there wedding day! Just got to keep thinking she will be watching from above <3
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  • Yes that is so true and you know you carry her in your heart wherever you go she's always with you even on your wedding day.

    My fiance and I like to think, 'If there's ever a day that they will be watching over us, it will be on our wedding day!" I completely understand how painfully hard this time is for you. For me it's hard to think of my dad not walking me down the aisle.

  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    I know it's hard AbbynBrian. Just celebrate with those that can be there with you and take a moment to reflect on your mom.

    PS: Just a word of advice for the boards. Colored font is typically frowned upon as it's distracting to read. Just stick to the black standard font. I think you're sweet and would hate to see you get flamed. :-)

    Best of luck to you!
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  • The others are correct that the only names that should be on the invitation are those who are hosting.  Imagine how awkward/sad it would be if those who don't know your mom had passed away ask about her?  My mom died a few years before my wedding and for our program we just listed my dad where we mentioned the parents of the bride and groom, and then at the end of the program had a "In Memory" section where we mentioned my mom. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-passed-away-want-her-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:16e3e1a7-c6bd-4125-9336-8afad518f012Post:63ff376e-db46-4a89-b868-3208f07417f8">Re: mom passed away, want her on invitation.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the great advice! Wish she was just here so her name could be on it. This has been the hardest time for me, everyone needs there mother on there wedding day! Just got to keep thinking she will be watching from above <3
    Posted by AbbynBrian13[/QUOTE]

    I am so sorry for your loss. I think your mother will be with you no matter what. I like the ideas of PPs about the bouquet, etc. It will make you feel even more connected to her on that day.
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  • Why not say something like this- You are cordially invited to the wedding of Jenny Doe Daughter of John and Jane Doe And James Noname Son of Sam and Sue Noname You may want to arrange things differently, but just basically say that you are the daughter of, as opposed to having her listed as someone that is inviting the guest, if that makes sense.
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