who do you invite to bridal shower???

Pookieson

My future sis and mother in law are hosting a bridal shower and asked for a list of guests.  I know that they have to be guests of the wedding obviously...but which guests do I invite...I have a guest list of 240.  Close family and friends??? Thank you ladies!

s-aries8990

Close family and close friends who are invited to the wedding. Usually: WP, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, female cousins (by blood or marriage), close family friends - non-relative aunts & cousins, and close female friends of the b&g.

Jen4948

Well, strictly speaking they're not supposed to host a "shower" for you.  This is something close relatives of the bride or groom are not supposed to do, because soliciting gifts for a relative is a no-no and that's how it comes off.  So I'd ask them to change the name of the party at least.  It can be a "pre-shower party," "hen party," or even "bachelorette party" if your comfortable having your FMIL there.

As to who gets invited, I'd think that at least your female wedding party members and close relatives (on both sides) should be there.  Beyond that, it would depend on how many they can fit into their space and budget.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:ac2775cb-68ac-4754-8ece-f6bbcd1ec294">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well, strictly speaking they're not supposed to host a "shower" for you.  This is something close relatives of the bride or groom are not supposed to do, because soliciting gifts for a relative is a no-no and that's how it comes off.  So I'd ask them to change the name of the party at least.  It can be a "pre-shower party," "hen party," or even "bachelorette party" if your comfortable having your FMIL there</strong>. As to who gets invited, I'd think that at least your female wedding party members and close relatives (on both sides) should be there.  Beyond that, it would depend on how many they can fit into their space and budget.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Who hosts is more of a regional thing than a "strickly speaking" thing. It is true, the parents aren't supposed to host a gift-giving party, but I think it is a rule that has become antiquated.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:adc5cdbe-cb88-4787-acff-f24ffffab096">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who do you invite to bridal shower??? : Who hosts is more of a regional thing than a "strickly speaking" thing. It is true, the parents aren't supposed to host a gift-giving party, but I think it is a rule that has become antiquated.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

No, I don't think it's "regional."  The rule is in effect in many places-antiquated or not.

ohmrs2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:adc5cdbe-cb88-4787-acff-f24ffffab096">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who do you invite to bridal shower??? : Who hosts is more of a regional thing than a "strickly speaking" thing. It is true, the parents aren't supposed to host a gift-giving party, but I think it is a rule that has become antiquated.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree, I think its more of a regional thing.  Everyone in my family has had their bridal showers hosted by MOB of MOG or both.  In my case, I know that my mother and FMIL is going to host the shower.  And I thought the "etiquette rule" was only for parents.  My MOH is my sister and I know that she's helping to plan little details, but not be majorly involved.</div>

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:ed9ed6cd-b143-48f9-957d-1428be2119b2">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who do you invite to bridal shower??? : No, I don't think it's "regional."  The rule is in effect in many places-<strong>antiquated or not.</strong>
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
Antiquated was my opinion, per my post.

And yes it is regional.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:397fe2c7-23a0-49d9-80f7-6a0ab5cc5d74">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who do you invite to bridal shower??? : Antiquated was my opinion, per my post. And yes it is regional.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

I'm not arguing with you over whether it is antiquated.  I do disagree that it is regional, so why don't we agree to disagree on this rather than keep going around and around?

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:2f63be4c-6bb4-46a6-b327-e008bf388ec2">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]Close family and close friends who are invited to the wedding. Usually: WP, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, female cousins (by blood or marriage), close family friends - non-relative aunts & cousins, and close female friends of the b&g.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

Every wedding shower I have been to in this area has been hosted by the FMIL as a matter of fact.  She told me that the shower is "her family welcoming me into it" so I suppose it is a regional/cultural thing.  Either way, I've never heard of anyone who has been offended at the MIL or even the mother throwing the bridal shower.  It is actually hosted by many members, my bridesmaids are all contributing (future sis in law being one of them).  That doesn't bother me and I don't consider it an etiquette faux pas, at least not around here.  I just didn't know where to draw the line on invites.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:f9d0e2f1-6861-4ed6-a565-7ca3e1f75a80">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who do you invite to bridal shower??? : I'm not arguing with you over whether it is antiquated. <strong> I do disagree that it is regional,</strong> so why don't we agree to disagree on this rather than keep going around and around?
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Because you've visited all regions.... right?

It's not typical in my area, but I have heard of it being the norm elsewhere.

ohmrs2014

Back to topic, are all women who are invited to the wedding invited to the bridal shower?  I know that I have time, but these are all great things to know for the upcoming months.  There are some ladies on the guest list that I don't know, but my FI does, do they need to be invited?

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:50751588-346e-4d4b-a4fc-c9b34e8e1adf">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who do you invite to bridal shower??? : <strong>Because you've visited all regions.... right? </strong>It's not typical in my area, but I have heard of it being the norm elsewhere.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

No, of course not. No need for snark.

But I have seen people from many different regions indicate that it's not acceptable where they are, including people who come from the same region with different opinions about it.

Pookieson

50 shades.  It is my understanding that not every female on your wedding guest list needs to be invited, but the women who are close to your fiance should be on the list.  For instance, FI's cousins and aunts (just a couple who I haven't met) are on the list and I am not really close to any of them except one.  I'm inviting my bridal party (who are my closest friends) my cousin, my aunt, my mom and maybe four family friends.  I also included my future brother in laws long time girlfriend, I'm not particularly close with her, but she is nice and I know FMIL appreciates the gesture.

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:80211617-1cff-435a-852f-5f589a41ddd4">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]For an interesting post on regional customs related to bridal showers, please see here:  <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_showers-and-regional-customs">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_showers-and-regional-customs</a> From this it seems like MOB/MOG hosted showers are fairly common everywhere.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

Exactly!  I knew I wasn't banana sandwich on this one!  I've been to a lot of bridal showers and they were all hosted by the MOB or MOG....my bridesmaids all have an active hand in donated money and time, but the MIL insists she hosts because "it is them welcoming me into their family" so I don't know....that's how we roll and I've never heard anyone say anything negative about the hosting of showers in this area.

Pookieson

Agreed. 
Further more.  I love the quote in your siggy Edie Bee.  OMGosh I am laughing so hard right now and I have no idea what is about

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-do-you-invite-to-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:173cfa09-ab06-4436-877a-8527c0a5be57Post:ed9ed6cd-b143-48f9-957d-1428be2119b2">Re: who do you invite to bridal shower???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: who do you invite to bridal shower??? : No, I don't think it's "regional."  The rule is in effect in many places-antiquated or not.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]


Actually, I think it might be regional. I know many people whose mothers and sisters hosted their bridal shower and nobody thought twice about it